I don't know how to handle what's been going on. Basically my partner is having a lot of problems. He's finally become willing to see a counselor, but it's going to take a while. I don't know what's with him. It's like he doesn't know how to control his emotions and thinks he should get whatever he wants. And its gotten to where recently when I don't want to do something in particular, he's gotten horribly mean in what he says to me. I try to ignore him, knowing it's him going off and not me, but that makes it worse. He gets ridiculously angry. He used to be a lot worse, and has made positive steps, but the verbal insults are what have gotten horribly bad lately. I think because I ignore the manipulation now. He had stopped all this for a long time, but stress starts him doing it more. He apologizes afterwards and he's gone back to a counselor a few weeks ago and is supposed to go this weekend, but it triggers me to feel depressed. What can I do to deal with this? We live together and are invested in the relationship, so how can I cope while he deals with whatever issues he has?
Stereotypes are the epitome of human laziness.
- me
I do understand that gets angry once in awhile, but he should never take it out on you and you definitely don't deserve this. Has he told you why he has become so angry lately? Perhaps you could sit down and talk to him so that you guys can try to find a way to make things easier on both of you and to let him know how bad he is making you feel.
Sorry I didn't reply... come on here pretty sporadically.
He did it again last night. I was ready to walk out in the middle of the city at midnight cause he was just so bad. I've talked to him about it on and on, and now he's apologized and feels horrible. Like always. Basically he just doesn't control his emotions. Which I don't understand, at all. And we've had a lot of changes lately, and he doesn't do well with change. And I think he's just manipulated people forever, and so now that he's in a serious relationship where that doesn't work, he doesn't have any other coping mechanisms to deal with typical every day issues.
It always makes me depressed, and I don't know what to do. I'm sick of dealing with this bullshit. And his moods change in a matter of minutes when he's doing this. One second he'll be calling me names and screaming at me with absolutely no provocation, and the next he's asking me for a hug and telling me he's sorry. I'm going to his counseling session tomorrow, but honestly I'm sick of this and it has to stop now, and I don't know how to make that happen. Lately when he's done it, he intentionally keeps me up very late when I have to get up in the morning, then starts screaming at me about how he needs to go to bed and get up for work, but he won't shut up and go to bed. It makes NO sense. But that means that it impacts my school when it happens (which has been maybe once every 2-4 weeks the last few months.) The other problem is that now I'm financially dependent on him, and even though he was the one totally ok with that so I could focus on school, he's used it against me last night like I knew he would. And now he's all sorry and saying he won't do that again. But it means it's pretty hard for me to leave and go to a motel or something, and I really don't have close friends in the area to ask to stay with when he gets bad. So I feel very stuck.
It's not that I want to leave anyway, as we're basically married except in print, but not even being able to get away for a night when he's going off makes it worse to deal with until he gets himself back together. He literally acts like he's drunk or high, except he doesn't do drugs or alcohol. It makes no sense and once he starts he loses all logic. Then he's horrified at himself the next day or even that night (like 5 hours later). I have no idea how to get the worst of this to stop now, even though I know the actual emotional issues will take time. It also doesn't help that I have very little empathy for people acting out their issues on other people, as I absolutely refuse to do that myself. I understand having problems, but I in no way understand or have sympathy for people hurting others directly because of it. So having little empathy for that I really probably don't know how to deal with his issues well.
Stereotypes are the epitome of human laziness.
- me
i think that going to the counseling appt is a good idea. perhaps while you're there all of you can work together to come up with a plan of how he needs to behave, and what the consequences will be if he doesn't follow his part. you can also specify what you will do to help, and what things you won't stand for. having a sort of "contract" in writing can be really helpful (i know that saying "contract" can freak us out, but what i'm tryint to get at isn't the same thing as a no harming contract) include a list of steps of what he should do instead, and what you should do to help him, and what things you shouldn't give up (like lots of sleep)...
this is my magical medicine cabinet. Left to right they contain: courage, hope, calmness, and strength.
The magical part: They NEVER run out, so borrow some any time you want.
