Stuck

[Sketchy]

I'm getting help with depression but I'm feeling stuck, as though nothing will change, I've been like this for too long and I should accept this is the way I am and get on with it. I'm 30 and have struggled on and off for years, but the past 2 years has been pretty bad. Maybe I'm too set in my ways to change. I don't know what is normal anymore, but there is part of me thinking maybe for me this normal, but then on my lowest days I know it's not and can't handle the thought of living like this. I want to self harm and not sure if I can distract myself. Urgh, not sure what I'm expecting from this post, maybe just feeling sorry for myself. Scared I won't change and this is it.

[Aubergine]

Hey.

What kind of help are you getting? Do you feel able to talk to them about how you're feeling?

What thoughts are behind you wanting to hurt yourself?

How are you feeling now?

[Sketchy]

Thanks for the reply. I'm receiving help from the cmht. I've told them my fears but I think when you are feeling this low it's hard to imagine being free from it. I'm going to be getting my medication changed, so I guess I just have to be patient.
I think last night I was feeling particularly sorry for myself, which wasn't helped with having had a large glass of wine. I wasn't able to stop myself from self harming. I don't know why I had to hurt myself, confused, low, knew it would make me feel better in the short term even if it makes things worse in the long term. I need to force myself to do something productive, like tidying the flat. Think I'll phone my mum.
I'm feeling a bit better today, but still low. Yesterday I was at the cmht, so maybe that was making me think too much and feel down after discussing my thoughts and symptoms, which I find hard to do. I just need to distract myself.

[Patch.]

I can relate. I have severe chronic depression and, like you, have been suffering for most of my life. It's all I know, really.
I can understand how hopeless everything feels for you at the moment.
I just wanted to say that you're not alone, I read, I care and you can PM at any time if you'd like someone to talk to :)

x

[Sketchy]

Thanks for the hugs Hope.

Thanks Patch. I'm so sorry you are going through this. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Thanks for making me feel less alone. As you know this can be such a lonely illness and it's hard to imagine anyone being able to understand when things get really bad, so thank you.x

[kookydoll]

I really relate- I've been struggling for a long time too and it's hard to imagine getting better. I hope your cmht can help.
TC