First of all, sorry if this is on the wrong board, I wasn't sure of where to post it.
There was a mental health assembly information type thing at my school before the Easter break and its been making me think of getting help. I'm not diagnosed of anything as there really isn't anyone that knows of my predicament. I've been depressed and suicidal for almost 5 years, really out of nowhere. I've self harmed for about 3 years, off and on since when I'm mainly suicidal I cope by plotting and more severe suicidal thoughts. I have really bad anxiety which has gotten worse recently. People make me nervous when I haven't known them long enough to be comfortable around them. I had my first job for three months and quit two weeks ago because my anxiety was getting so bad to the point that I couldn't breathe properly and couldn't eat until hours after I was finished work. I've only had two instances that managed to get me into a panic attack and physically sick, but that was about a year ago. Usually my anxiety is bad whenever I'm in public by myself without anyone I trust or in a new place, and it feels like my chest tightens to the point where I feel like I can't breath enough. I've also caught myself in the past year or so 'zoning out' when I shouldn't be and not being able to tell if something I did earlier was real or a dream. Like being in mid conversation and it's like I'm not quite there anymore, but I am. It's odd, and happened at work a few times dealing with customers.
But I'm seriously considering getting help before the next round of serious plotting starts. I actually attempted for the first time last month and it obviously didn't work and I know its only a matter of time before it starts again. I'm terrified of getting help though, because of my anxiety towards people, and I don't want them to tell my parents as I'm 16. I also don't want to get kicked off a trip that happens next month as it's something I'm looking forward to and it's already paid for to the states. I'm not actively suicidal at the moment, though it changes very rapidly and I can go from being fine to suicidal at the slightest mood change. I'm really nervous though, I know I can get my parents to get me an appointment over something else easily, but I really don't want them to know about it or get kicked off my trip. Can the doctor tell them and could I get kicked off for it??
Really really sorry for writing a novel, I figured it'd be easier to help if you knew the back story.
Do you have a nurse/counsellor at school you could talk to? Or even not talk to, but write down a list of things which describe how you're feeling and hand it to him/her/them. You could start off with small things (anxiety) and then build up to the other stuff when you feel that you can trust people.
It's good that you're considering seeking help though, because it shows that you know that you want to get better. Big hugs to you :)
xx
I haven't had a very good track record with telling school staff anything, as anything that seems slightly bad gets told to parents. And I try to avoid guidance counsellors like the plague, because they overkill my anxiety. Thanks :)
Should I write down all of it or just start with like one thing? And should I wait until after my trip? I don't want to get kicked off and have my parents waste 600$.
Oh, I'm the same! The smallest thing I say to my teachers gets reported and exaggerated into some big drama. I know the feeling XD.
You can write as much as you're comfortable with. That could just be a little, or it could be a lot. No-one's expecting you to go through everything in one day. Just write what you're comfortable with, take it at a pace you're okay with.
And I'd personally say do it before the trip, purely because then you might receive extra support during the trip (if you want it), but then of course your parents would be informed and stuff. It's a head over heart matter, in my opinion. If you feel you can keep yourself safe during the trip, then save the writing and stuff until after x
Hey,
When i was 15 i think... I was living in Dubai. We were going on a school trip to France. I was going through a similiar situation to you however my anxiety wasnt as bad as yours.
I couldnt tell my dad as he was very hard to talk to. But when it got serious my friend told a teacher that i was sh/in and od/ing. Anyway, I wanted help but i couldnt see the doctor by myself there as its all private insurance so iw ould have had to tell my dad to take me to the right place that our insurance covered.
The school didnt chuck me on the school trip but i was put on antidepressants (my dad took me to a shrink to get it sorted it). the school was very good about it and they kept checking up on me. luckily there was only 2 teachers who knew about the situation with me and both werent going on the trip. So the teacher who iw as comfortable with let me choose which teacher on teh school trip i wanted to know. she then kept checking in with me to see if i was okay.
Dont worry about it. speak to your school but dont say too much before the trip. if you go to the doctors they can stop you from going on the trip if they think you are a harm to yourself. but with the drs. you have to be honest and tell them everything so it might be best to tell them after!
hope it works out for you. x
Ballerina123 - My lovely superstar
Call me R -
The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time - Abraham Lincoln
oh god yes talk to someone, i wish i had when i was your age instead of it brewing into my adult life.
as a few people have said about teachers, its probably best that someone does know simply to help you, and as for them telling parents i'm afraid sometimes they have tobut once again its not because they love to gossip but they want to keep you safe and legally they have to report certain things but if you find somone you trust and if it helps write stuff down (that what i did the first time).
I kind of want to play it safe and wait until after the trip, but I don't know what kind of state I'll be in by then. And I'll probably think of a way to blow it off again. Was it really close to your trip time?
I can see the doctor by myself but I'd need my parents to take me but OHIP covers it anyways. I can't see why the doctor would have to tell my parents if I'm not actively suicidal at the moment and haven't attempted since last month and haven't s-hed for a few months. But I've heard that antidepressants can make you worse before they get better, what if that happens? The trips in pretty much a month or less and I'm not really the best at talking to people once my anxiety kicks in.
Hey faint,
yes it was really close to my trip, probably about a month is well. Some people find that with antidepressants it gets worse before better, but with me i felt nothing for about a week and then it started to kick in. it really depends on your body. I dont know whether they would tell your parents but i would reckon they would though. I dont know tbh. sorry i was not much help
good luck x
Ballerina123 - My lovely superstar
Call me R -
The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time - Abraham Lincoln
You are a lot of help thanks. I'm planning on doing the letter thing, and asking my mom to get me an appt. I'm scared as hell though, but I guess it needs to be done. I'm going to post what i'm thinking of writing here to see if it's good or not.
I'm uncomfortable talking about the symptoms I've been experiencing and find it easier to write it down.
I'd also rather you did not inform my parents.
I have been experiencing depression for about 5 or 6 years.
I get overly anxious over social interactions, my breathing gets constricted, my heart races and it has lead to shaking, loss of appetite, nausea, and panic attacks.
I recently quit my job because of the anxiety and am uncomfortable in most social situations.
Recently I've been zoning out a lot in conversations or doing daily tasks, like I'm not really there.
I find it hard to tell if somethings really happened or if it's not real.
I appologize for not just saying this but I feel like I need help.
I dont think you should mention that you haave been experiencing 'depression' - that is self diagnosing and doctors dont generally like that. In that bullet point say something about the way you feel: i have been experiencing low low moods where i am lethargic and dont have any energy? i have had suicidal thoughts blah blah blah - if you get the drift?
I think the rest is really good :). and you shouldnt be sorry. Welldone for writing it down; it shows that this is serious and you are being honest about the way you are feeling.
Let us know how you get on xxx
Ballerina123 - My lovely superstar
Call me R -
The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time - Abraham Lincoln
I know I couldn't think of something to describe it with other than the word depressed. Thanks!
My doctor isn't in for the next two weeks but her husband is a doctor also and is in the walk in clinic and my mom is trying to get me to go because I said I wanted the appointment because my breathings messed up. (which is kind of true but it's anxiety caused). Is it okay to bring it up in a walk in clinic? Ive just spent the last like ten minutes trying to not hyperventilate in class because I've never met her husband. If I don't do that then they're booked for like the next two weeks and I'd might as well leave it till after the trip. Gah I don't know what to do.
Okay... Well...
If you want the help now then tell the doctor at the walk in clinic. however it might be better to wait for your original doctor to get back as she will be seeing you in the future.
The doctor in the walk in clinic might give you a low dose anti anxiety meds to keep you going until you meet your normal doctor. Just do what you think is best...
The doctor in the walkin clinic will be able to help you alot. If its affecting your breathing alot then you should very soon. its not good to travel to a new place with school and you to have an anxiety attack!
what do you think? x
Ballerina123 - My lovely superstar
Call me R -
The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time - Abraham Lincoln
Well the doctor I'd be seeing at the walk in clinic is my doctors husband soo I'm not sure. Like if anyone in my family has an appt and the original doctor isn't available he takes the appointment.
I don't think I'd have an panic attack though, it takes alot to get me to that point, I'll probably puke and not be able to breath well. It just makes me nervous, but I don't really see my normal doctor anyways so I don't know how much of a difference it would make on my anxiety at the appt. Would I give him the same letter?
I think you should talk to someone. Obviously it's up to you but, I think you should deal with it sooner rather than later.
Keeping things locked up doesn't help anything.In regards to it being a different dr at the walk in clinic, I don't think that matters in relation to the help you might receive, I'm sure that it will be kept in your notes for when you see your own dr.
I'm sure you won't be kicked of the trip, I don't see a reason why you would and I think it would be important for someone on the trip to know what's going on. In particular, the anxiety and how you will deal with it if one occurs? It's also good to have someone to talk too.
With the depression, I don't see why you can't say to your Dr that you feel depressed. It isn't 'self diagnosing' It is an actual term..Your dr might ask what you mean by that to try and get a deeper understanding of how you feel but I don't see anything wrong with saying you feel depressed.
Good luck with it.
Life can be beautiful if you let it.
Step back, breathe and take it in
I haven't yet, its been a screwed week concerning doctors, since the normal wasn't in and then I don't even know what really happened.. And now neither of them are in all this week either, so I'm kind of lost as to what I should do. I've had an up and down week, my anxiety got pretty bad yesterday at a conference thing at my school yesterday. I was fine until the end of it where we were left to mingle with people from other schools, and it was really crowded as my school's lobby really isn't very large enough for like 200 people. I ended up discretely going back into the auditorium before it became noticable that it was a bit of a struggle to breathe normally. I leave on the 15th for my trip, which is really coming up soon and I still don't know what to do for my situation. To make it worse its going to be like 6 days of not smoking which it pretty much all I have to go by to calm myself down other than s/h. I just don't know what to do.
I have an appointment for tomorrow and I'm kind of freaking out. I don't know what to say or how to act, or what to answer. I leave for my trip in exactly a week so I dont want to screw things up. I'm not too sure about going through with this. And now that it's so close I'm tripping out over all the details, and I don't know what to do.
Keep Calm. Write things down and work out what your going to say and then if you are panicking and can't say whatever you need to say you can hand the paper over.
It will be ok. Don't bottle out because it will make it even harder next time and without help this will get worse and worse.
Look after yourself, you can do it!
Life can be beautiful if you let it.
Step back, breathe and take it in
