I have a love-hate relationship with my medication.
The combination I'm on has had a hugely positive effect on my life. I function to an extremely high level and, more importantly, I'm happy. If I don't take the tablets, my life quickly descends into chaos and I end up in hospital.
That said, I still hate taking it. Side effects are one reason - I'm tired a lot of the time and have put on shed loads of weight - but that's not all. I guess I feel as though my feelings are a bit false, like I'm living a chemically enhanced life and not a real one. I dislike the fact that I'm so reliant upon it to remain stable. It makes me feel weak willed and like I can't cope on my own.
It's hard. I wish I didn't have to rely on mind altering drugs, but it seems that I do. Every time I've tried to come off of them I've gone mad.
“Our defeats are softened and our victories are sweetened because we did it together.” - Toby Ziegler.
Thank you! I feel the same. At this point in the game I am quite aware that I need them to survive but I can't stand the side effects or even the fact that I need them.
me too...watedsoul. I think I am ok and stop only to fall quickly and deeply into a down spiral of emotions or I get extremely silly. usually someone tells me to get my f.... together before I stop and think..and go back on them..I have gone on and off for 3 years...stopped 3 days ago after 2 months being on them...lets see how long I last this time!!!!
Yes, I have a love hate relationship with my meds. I struggle with having to take meds 4 times a day, and often end up combining doses (don't worry - that's been agreed with my psych!). I'll often stop them for a few days and then panic and not know how to restart, so we had to build a plan for when that happens. I feel like an old person having to carry a meds box with me everyday (it has four compartments for morning, lunch, dinner and bedtime) and yeah, it just gets to me.
"Keep your heart open to dreams. For as long as there's a dream, there is hope, and as long as there is hope, there is joy in living."
For me, personally no but I guess people do. Is this something you could discuss at all with your team if you have one or perhaps talk to your GP about?
i get cocky, thinking i dont need them anymore, then bang, losing the plot, take meds, feel better, beat self up for needing medication
Yep, been there.
I generally hate taking my meds because I also get cocky & think I'm completely fine, which I convince myself has nothing to do with being on the stuff in the first place. But annoyingly they really work. I'm not pro meds at all but I really do need them.
I hate mine now as it makes me zombified in the mornings. But I'm a bit hesitant to stop taking it because I don't want to be where I was a year ago and the fact that it brought me out of a really bad place. I'm pretty much recovered now, not cut for just about a year, but still... I do want to stop it but I'm scared that if I do I'll be back to how I was even though a load of stuff has got better and I probably won't, it's just one of those silly nagging thoughts.
The world is just illusion always trying to change me.
You will find wonder wherever you can, and spread joy whenever you are able.
I felt emotions of gentleness and pleasure, that had long appeared dead, divide within me. - Frankenstein.
Yeah, they help me a bit but I dont like the thought of the potential side effects. Im okay with antidepressants but with antipsychotics the side effects scare me. If i took them for long enough they would help but i feel they numb me to pleasure and make me feels just blah. I suppose thats better than feeling **** but its an uncomfortable feeling. x
Yeah, they help me a bit but I dont like the thought of the potential side effects. Im okay with antidepressants but with antipsychotics the side effects scare me. If i took them for long enough they would help but i feel they numb me to pleasure and make me feels just blah. I suppose thats better than feeling **** but its an uncomfortable feeling. x
Depends on the antipsychotic dose, but if it makes you feel any better, I'm on low dose quetiapine (50-75mg) and I don't get any side effects at all from it.
"Keep your heart open to dreams. For as long as there's a dream, there is hope, and as long as there is hope, there is joy in living."
I have been on about 7 antipsychotics and got a lot of movement disorders, lactation and akathesia from them. Those are the worst side effects. However, now im prescribed aripiprazole 15mg and olanzapine 10mg and current side effects are minimal (even sedation) but i am worried about potential weight gain, diabetes, tardive dyskinesia etc. I guess tardive dyskinesia is my biggest worry, especially since theres little treatment. They also impact on my cholestrol (its now 7.8) so I take simvastatin for it. My diet is low in fat and im a healthy weight though.
Ami, tardive dyskinesia is really really rare on aripiprazole & olanzapine. It mostly happened with older drugs (ike chlorpromazine or haloperidol), where it affected about one in twenty people on the drugs, per year of taking them.
As a young person, particularly if you haven't taken older antipsychotics for a long time, your risks are so low that it's hard to give a fair estimate. Likely your risk of tardive dyskinesia is less than one in one thousand though. It's just about possible, but there are many more likely things you could worry about!
Diabetes & weight gain is worth worrying about on olanzapine in particular though.
I'm not a doctor - first degree in psychology, now studying postgrad epidemiology, but I'm not trained to treat patients. If you are worried please talk to your Dr.
Oh, and I hate hate hate taking my meds at the moment. Currently on flupenthixol, which looks like evil manky yellow Smarties. I have to take it twice a day and it is like swallowing live spiders! It gives me twitchy crampy feet & legs, which I find really frightening.
When I was at my most unwell I was highly medicated.
Medications that were considered the most successful by the mental health team because my self injury was less were the ones I hated the most because my quality if life was 0. I was often too tired or blank (especially when anti-psychotics were used) to do anything at all - a chemical straight jacket.
Once I started taking medication Dr's were reluctant to allow me to be unmedicated - the fear being if I was that bad medicated then I'd be worse unmedicated.
Thankfully things have changed and I'm in recovery and come off the majority of the mood/ mind altering meds.
Now the medication I'm on deals only with the physiological symtoms of my anxiety and instead of a cure all solution I now look at it as away to facilitate my recovery by helping me to work on the things I'm trying to overcome in therapy.
Thanks for your reply duck. Have you tried procyclidine or a benzo? i find lorazepam helps the restlessness. The old ones I have been on are haloperidol (very useful, horrendous side effects, like parkinsonisms and involuntary arm flapping and muscle contractions) and zuclopenthixol which is believe is related to flupenthixol? Do you find it helping?
x
