Finally going for therapy and scared

Chime · 29-03-2012, 04:33 AM

After a lot of suffering, research, having more issues pop up, and talking to family, I was able to find some therapy for me even though I don't have insurance. (Took forever to find something...) I use to go to therapy when I was little and some in high school but now my problems are a lot more serious.

With having OCD, SA, and so many life changing and stressful things going on, I have a lot of thoughts and worries floating through my head. I would have to make a list of things but the big ones are; I'm scared that the therapy will look at me as a bad person - I made a lot of mistakes and I'm still making them. I want to stop but at the same time I don't even though I know it is bad... so that makes me a bad person in someone's eyes... I don't want them to destroy me even more... or what if they don't understand fully what I'm going through? This will be the first time I non anonymously tell my embarrassing and dark secrets and it is so terrifying.

Then I'm worried about the quality, I'm not getting a top dollar therapist. But I really am desperate right now... I just so worried... these problems are too serious to be messed with... I don't want them to make it worse by having a jerk or the wrong things being said.

The lady who called me today asked me questions to match me up with a therapist, I left out something... I can't just say it or open up so easily (that might be another problem too...), especially on the phone... I hope it doesn't affect who I'm with. Even here anonymous... I'm so paranoid to even say what it is. Maybe I just don't want to type it...

I'm sorry this post is kinda scattered like me brain right now. I can't even think that clearly.

Scaredy-cat · 29-03-2012, 04:16 PM

Good luck with it
Xx

Alati-Moelda · 29-03-2012, 06:48 PM

Good luck with therapy my dear! I remember seeing my first therapist and I was TERRIFIED. I know it's hard to trust telling your deepest secrets and fears to a stranger, but honesty is key. Trust me, I've been to about 4 different therapists in my lifetime and 2 didn't work very well because I wasn't open. And as long as their credentials for school work out, I'm sure the quality will be fine! And they WILL understand. If they don't, then they're not a real therapist. I'm sure they've seen loads of people with tons of problems, so they will be understanding. That was my biggest fear too. I hope all goes well! pm me if you ever need anything!

foxfly · 29-03-2012, 08:50 PM

Your therapist should be able to help you to open up. Therapy is really scary especially at first, but hopefully it will begin to help you. If you can be open with your therapist and let her know that you're scared and that some things are difficult for you to express she should be able to help you. It can be hard to build up a relationship with a stranger and grow to trust them, but it can be really worthwhile too. I hope you find that you get along with your new therapist.

Chime · 30-03-2012, 10:39 PM

Thank you all for the help. I know I shouldn't be so scared but it is hard not to be. I just been keeping stuff to myself for years and now I just can't help myself anymore. I really hope they can help me... I'll be going tomorrow.

foxfly · 31-03-2012, 08:14 AM

Good luck tomorrow! I hope it goes really well.

Chime · 01-04-2012, 11:18 PM

I did go yesterday and I was so nervous I thought I was going to get sick. Since it was just the first meeting nothing too much was said but it has made me think a lot. It just felt nice to be honest to someone and it made me start to think about things. Sad part is, since I work they may not be able to fit me in... all of these places for no insurance are really booked... Hopefully it works out. I really need the help.

PassedExpectations · 02-04-2012, 12:27 AM

are you going to be doing any ERP? that is what is usually the most helpful for OCD

bitomato · 02-04-2012, 01:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chime

I want to stop but at the same time I don't even though I know it is bad... so that makes me a bad person in someone's eyes... I don't want them to destroy me even more... or what if they don't understand fully what I'm going through? This will be the first time I non anonymously tell my embarrassing and dark secrets and it is so terrifying.

Then I'm worried about the quality, I'm not getting a top dollar therapist. But I really am desperate right now... I just so worried... these problems are too serious to be messed with... I don't want them to make it worse by having a jerk or the wrong things being said........

Hey Chime,
It is okay to be anxious, but at the same time I think that you need to prioritise getting help if you have reached the stage where you know you really need it. There was no quick fix- but sometimes top dollar is not always the best. Like medication, everyone is different and it is more important that you get the opportunity to explore your relationship with your therapist for a reasonable period of time.

I agree to make sure that your therapist is qualified to offer any specific type of therapy- but while you may feel the drive to research everything- unless you give it a go, you won't really know if it is helping you.

It's important to communicate as openly as you are comfortable with. Also to give yourself the opportunity to experience teething pains- it isn't going to perfect. You don't have to agree with your therapist 100% of the time or worry about them liking you- in a professional relationship you pay them for a service (doesn't really matter if you do or not/ how much you do- they are professionally obligated). You want to get better- that is a lot of the job done. Now allow them to help you.

Chime · 02-04-2012, 02:21 AM

I'm seeing a very basic therapist but like I said this place not be able to work for me because of my work schedule.

I will do my best to open up to my therapist since I know they are trying to help. At least I know they will try to understand unlike anyone in my life...

I just really hope they call me. I am really getting desperate and decline more and more.

bitomato · 04-04-2012, 01:26 AM

Hi Chime,
As hard as it is- try not to get discouraged. The first time I went to a session- I messed up with the doctor appointment I made so the psychologist wasn't there- on leave actually. I completely lost it in the waiting room. But she talked to me on the phone and referred me onto someone who helped for a few years.

The main thing is to be clear if you think you need more help. From the outset my therapist and I determined what would be done in an emergency if I felt I couldn't stay safe- and although I can't remember now- definitely with my present therapist and psychiatrist I can contact them via email or cell phone in case of an emergency between sessions.

There is no quick fix- but you have really made a big step. Just aim to take baby steps each day in order to stay well. That includes exploring options with the therapist if you cannot make appointments but still need intervention.

I like to think of my over a decade long of therapy like peeling layers off say an onion.........I am not covering the same issues I did a decade ago because my needs have changed. Even in the few years with my most recent therapist, they can tell me- you said this would never happen at the start of therapy, and look here you are doing so and so.....It is the responsibility of the therapist to guide the sessions. I have had a few that I am really worked up at the end and they usually give me a chance to compose myself. I also don't need therapy the same- I virtually had stopped until a serious life event/ crisis made me think starting back was best to avoid relapse.

Consider yourself a partner with the therapist in getting well. I would also advise keeping a journal for homework and general reflections, especially between sessions. I find it hard to remember everything I want to talk about when I go in without anything. Keep trying. It's worth it.