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Today I was out driving with the lady I work with. Her car is a huge 7 seater people carrier tank thing that is quite a beast to drive. I'm relatively new to driving - passed my test but then left for uni, 3 years went by, moved back home, had one refresher lesson in January and then been driving a lot with work ever since. I scratched a work car on the gate post of the driveway on one of my first shifts but it was only small. Also had a minor bump in a different car (was getting used to the brakes) but there was no damage and the other driver was fine to just leave it. I realise how bad a driver this makes me sound.
Today I pulled in to the car park of the office of the company I work for but the car was really wonky. I tried to reverse out and as I did I scratched the left side of my car on the right side of a red car parked next to me. I panicked and moved into the next space over, had a quick look at the other car (it looked fine) but didn't look at my own car as I was very stressed and panicked by that point and went into the office to run the errands I had to do. When I was done in the office I came back out - the red car had gone. I got into my car and drove the lady I work with home. Finally thought to check the car and saw a big red scratch down the left side. Panicked and felt like I deserved to die (I have anxiety and tend to overreact).
After I let myself calm down a bit I called my team leader. I told her the car was scratched, that I'd parked in tight to another car at the office and only noticed the scratch when I got home. I wasn't 100% honest as I didn't say I heard it as it scratched (I did say it was probably my fault though) which was wrong of me but I was scared of getting in trouble. She said not to worry but that she'd have to tell the big bosses and it's possible they'll want to come on a drive with me to check I'm safe on the road because of the previous incidents. The thought of that makes me feel incredibly sick. She said they might be angry but not to worry about it. What if they decide I'm not safe to drive? What if they want to have a meeting and talk about what happened? I don't think they can afford to fire me but I'm so scared of being shouted at, of not being good enough etc etc that I am a nervous wreck.
I came home and told mum what had happened - she said to stick to the story of parking tight and not noticing the scratch as it will make insurance less messy (if it does come to that). I feel so guilty though. What if the car park has CCTV and they watch it and ask me why I didn't say I definitely scratched it? Why didn't I just be honest in the first place? Why am I so bad at this? I feel so horrifically awful. I know how overdramatic I'm being. I don't know whether to call my team leader and tell her it exactly as it happened or whether to stick to what I initially said - especially as the red car drove away without leaving a note. It's possible they didn't sustain any damage or just didn't notice it (it was quite a banged up car anyway). I'm just feeling sick with worry about this. Sorry for being so lame. I just need a hug and to be told to stop being so silly!
I'm probably gonna go against the grain here but I'd say stick to your story. At the minute there's 2 outcomes, they know you've lied or they don't. If you come clean then the latter is not possible.
They prob won't bother with insurance but even if they do it's just an accident. That's why they have insurance.
Is there any way you can get some practice lessons with someone you know? Like to practice parking and stuff. I'm a good driver in my car but know I'd be terrible in a random one, especially parking.
What is the worst that can happen? They can't fire you so all they can do is recommend uou get some more practice and if you say you've already put that on place then you're being proactive which will help.
In the meantime when you begin to worry try and think at that point honestly what can you do about it? Nothing. Then try and distract yourself.
Thank you for your reply. To be honest just writing it out really helped me calm down. I overthink a lot and get myself very worked up about things that I can't do anything about. At the end of the day it's a work car, it's being replaced this year anyway, nobody was hurt etc etc.
I'm going to book in another lesson and focus completely on parking - I'm usually alright, it's just because this car is so big and I'm on edge as I have a service user there with me and I'm always worried somebody's watching... Ugh. Thank you.
Oh god. They watched the CCTV. They've decided they don't want me to drive until I have an assessment with the boss. It's tomorrow morning. He was lovely and told me not to be anxious but I am a wreck right now.
I'm shaking and I feel sick. I'm so embarrassed, I feel like I've ****ed up so badly. The whole office is probably talking about me and thinking I'm incompetent and useless. I have to go to a party for a service user later and they're all going to be looking at me. I just feel awful. Sorry for the misery party.
Last edited by Aardbei : 19-03-2012 at 12:17 PM.
Reason: Typo
I was incredibly nervous so I could barely move the car and he decided there was no point in continuing and doesn't want me to drive service users anymore. I've booked in three driving lessons to 'build up my confidence' and then will have a second assessment. I don't think it's going to help because I'm so anxious all the time as it is and having the boss in the car makes me too nervous. Am probably going to lose my job because they need me to be able to drive to work.
I'm annoyed because I can drive, as long as there's not someone sat there watching me. Not being able to drive is making it worse because every day that goes by without me driving is making it more difficult (I don't have my own car). It's totally fair enough that they decided to make me have some lessons but I'm so embarrassed as everyone is talking about it.
Went to a party for a service user and met some other support workers I didn't know and who didn't know me - one of them said "so who smashed up the car at the office then?". He didn't realise it was me and it was mortifying. My team leader told him off and said I'd only scratched it and it wasn't that bad, but it proves everyone is talking about it, and I kind of feel like I want to run away screaming in the opposite direction. This job is so hard and stressful and it's not really what I want to be doing. Argh.
Sorry for being dramatic about it, am just really tired and have a very long difficult shift coming up tomorrow (it will be difficult because I can't drive and the service user I'm working with gets antsy when she's cooped inside). FML.
Could some in-car therapy help? Talk to a counsellor in the office, learn some techniques then have counsellor accompany you in car so you can put it into practise, can you take service user out for a walk in a wheelchair if necessary.
Mand, South Wales, Full-time working, single mother to 2 scarily independent girls.
I AM A PROUD PLUMERIA SISTER
I just wanted to say even the best drivers still have accidents. Especially with parking. I mean, I've scraped a car in a parking garage and I'm quite good at parking. I've actually gotten better at parking after that happened...so in a way it was good that it happened?
Also, if people are talking about it, they must have very boring lives. Besides, everyone's gotten a ding, scraped their car, had an accident etc. at some point in their lives. And probably it was because they were doing something dumb, unlike you who just made an honest mistake.
Hi,
Just wanted to say, practice practice practice!! I know it's probably the last thing you want to do, but it's the only way you'll get better and build your confidence. I hated driving when I started as I get very anxious too, but I had to learn and now it's just a normal thing to me and I am relaxed about it.
I feel sorry for your situation, but honestly in a few weeks nobody will remember it, your coworkers will find something else to talk about. I understand how it made you feel because I tend to react strongly and worry about things a lot too - but it will get better!
Even as the stone of the fruit must break
that its heart may stand in the sun,
so must you know pain.
There are only two ways in which one can live their life. One is as though nothing is a miracle, the other is as though everything is.
Thank you all for being so lovely. I have my first of three driving lessons this week tomorrow so I'm going to ask him to drill parking and also ask for some tips on how to not be so anxious about it. This week I have to ring my boss and arrange another driving assessment. If he's still not happy then I have a feeling I may lose my job because although some service users can be taken out in their wheelchairs, not all of them have chairs but still find it difficult to walk etc and it also really limits what we can do during the day. Being able to drive is part of my job description so they won't have any choice but to let me go if I still don't manage it. I'm not sure I'd mind to be honest. I'm really struggling with the long hours and huge responsibility of caring for someone so vulnerable when I'm not very mentally well myself.
I'm just so anxious and worried and I don't think any amount of practice is going to fix that. I don't have time to arrange counselling and the office doesn't really have any kind of resource like that. I'm so scared of not being good enough that a slip-up like this is making me incredibly unhappy and I can feel myself getting ill again. I feel like I need a 3 month holiday. And then I feel bad because surely I should be able to handle this, I'm an adult now, this is real life etc.
And then I feel bad because surely I should be able to handle this, I'm an adult now, this is real life etc.
I'm just scared and I wish it would all go away!
I feel like this ALL the time.... I promise that practice will build your confidence and help your anxiety over this. It did for me and I remember how much I hated having to make myself do it at first. You'll get there!
Even as the stone of the fruit must break
that its heart may stand in the sun,
so must you know pain.
There are only two ways in which one can live their life. One is as though nothing is a miracle, the other is as though everything is.
Thank you. I've had 2 driving lessons so far and have a third on Friday. I tried to call my boss today to arrange the driving assessment but he wasn't available so hopefully he'll call me back at some point.
The lessons went fine. I can drive. But as soon as I think about the assessment, about my boss watching me, I freak out. My heart starts pounding, I feel tearful and sick and an intense desire to hurt myself. I'm so scared and no amount of practice is going to change the fact that I'm too anxious to do this. I've arranged a telephone appointment with my doctor tomorrow to see if she can prescribe me something to take during the day (I take my usual meds at night) to help keep me balanced because I'm very tightly wound at the moment.
I feel like the world is ending, like I'm dying. I know how irrational I'm being but I am so so so worried and frightened. I wish I didn't overreact to things like this but I can't help assuming the worst is going to happen.
Work don't know I have anxiety and depression but I don't feel like I can just say 'yeah I'm causing loads of trouble with driving at the moment, oh by the way I also have mental health problems'. This job is causing me so much trouble and I don't even want to be doing it anyway, the hours are so long and I'm so tired and worried that I just want to walk away from it. But I can't because I'll be letting myself down.
I feel like I'm having a nervous breakdown, I'm being so ridiculous. I'm sorry.
you're not being ridiculous hun <3
i dun have any advice but <3
“The good things don’t always soften the bad, but vice-versa, the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant.”
“Nobody important? Blimey, that’s amazing. Do you know, in nine hundred years of time and space I’ve never met anyone who wasn’t important before.”
“If it’s time to go, remember what you’re leaving. Remember the best. My friends have always been the best of me.”
i would definately take as many lessons as possible. It really does help to build up your confidence. And as you have already passed your test, you can ask your instructor to focus on bits you find difficult (mine was right hand turns and roundabouts, i would drive a longer route to avoid these!).
Also, as you say the car in work is bigger, as difficult as it is, it would be good to build up some practice driving this car.
Ive been driving for 7 years, recently started driving a friends car and it is so hard! The pedals feel different, the gear box is different, so i know if im going to drive her car as planned i need a lot more practice in her car.
Even though you've passed your test it can still be nerve wracking driving another car (especially a bigger one)
Thank you :) I've had three refresher lessons now and I feel much more confident about parking. I'm still terrified about the assessment if I think too much about it but at this point I don't really care anymore because the job is making me very unhappy :( so even if I fail it it doesn't matter.
My doctor has upped my medication dose and prescribed me diazepam to take if I get really bad during the day so hopefully my anxiety should improve soon. Thank you all for being so kind x
Ali, I haven't added anything to this because I can't comment on driving, but it really seems to me like it's just the last on a pile of things that's making you unhappy in work, and that's not right. I think (and actually you seem to be considering things carefully) that you should take some leave and consider whether keeping this job, assessment or no assessment is the best thing for you. There are loads of ways of gaining the experience you need and nothing should make you feel as you do. It can feel like you're lucky to have a job, but actually they're lucky to have you, someone who will jump through all of their hoops. I hope I haven't spoken out of turn and you know I'm only a text away if I can help at all xx
Last edited by what_the? : 01-04-2012 at 06:44 PM.
Reason: grammar
"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. Make us all feel wonderful. We'll never forget."
Thanks Claire, I really appreciate your reply. To be honest it is getting to the point where I'm considering leaving, but I don't want to seem like I'm running away just as things are getting hard. I don't want to have to admit to work that I'm struggling and I also really don't want to let them down because they're understaffed as it is. I also feel like I'm just being a stupid little girl that doesn't like her job - nobody likes to have to work, it's annoying and tiring. This job is particularly intense though with really long hours and stuff.
I'm actually meeting with a family friend today who used to work at a mental health hospital and I'm hoping he can give me some advice to help me find a job, even if it's voluntary, that isn't as heavy duty as what I'm doing now. I'm just so tired and feel like I'm spending every second of my life doing a job I don't want to be doing that isn't really that relevant - yes it's more relevant than shop work but ideally I need to be working underneath a clinical psychologist, which I'm not doing. I'm basically a glorified maid. Ugh.
