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painfully strong urge to hurt myself *triggering*
Tonight is the first night of my spring break. The day was great and I had fun. My parents and I went to dinner and my mom and I had a chocolate martini which resulted in us laughing really hard and my dad giving us a weird look (in a good way). We had a good rest of the evening. My parent are both in bed now and I have a strong urge to cut.... I'm thinking about things I did last week that were stupid or came out the wrong way. My mood has been up and down. I had made it to 1 year and 4ish months without cutting but just gave up one evening and a week later ended up getting stitches..I talked to my RA and therapist but my parents don't know.... The scar from the stitches is noticeable but as long as my mom doesn't question my long sleeves I should be ok. I'm sick and thats not helping. The tremors in my hand are back and worse since the lithium was upped... I have to wait until Tuesday, when I see my psychiatrist, to do something but I've noticed it's getting worse and worse... I couldn't even hold the martini class in my right hand because I was shaking so bad and would have dropped it.... I found out that my grandparents are getting really bad. My grandma is at the point that she doesn't remember what she said in a conversation. I was watching Glee and a character attempted suicide.. I don't know why but it got me thinking and the urge is here... I'm spending the day with my mom tomorrow and going to the movies so I hope this helps. Now that I've rambled on for so long, I could really use some support...I can't talk to my parents as they already have too much on their mind... I don't think I'll have alone time to call my Aunt tomorrow. I don't know what's stopping me at this point but support or advice is greatly needed.... For now I am going to take my meds and go to bed..
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