Contains abuse - I've ruined everything

staceyrawrcakes · 05-03-2012, 09:52 AM

Not entirely sure where to post this but I could really use some support and stuff right now please

The following content has been hidden - Reason : Contains abuse *triggering*

I'm so shaken up still and I don't know what to do. I spent all last night in tears pretty much because of the shock and my head being so messed up from it.
I had to go out for a walk at 7 this morning so I could try and talk myself out of killing myself, didn't work, I still want to cut and I still want to die because I can't see any other way out of this.
I tried giving him my engagement ring back yesterday but he wouldn't let me. He seems to think I'm making all this up and it's in my head and that's what hurts the most. If it was in my head, I wouldn't have woken up this morning with my neck hurting so much that I couldn't get comfy at all.
I just really want to do what he keeps telling me to do and actually go kill myself. I know it'll be a bad idea but what else can I do? I've got no one now. Even my own boyfriend hates me because I'm such a horrible person.
I was going to go to the hospital earlier and go to A&E earlier and tell them how close I am to killing myself but I'm scared at what's going to happen if I go. Will they ring friends or family to come to the hospital as well because I don't want him knowing, he'll only have a go at me and tell me that it was a joke and he didn't mean it.

Sorry for rambling guys, I just needed to get this off my chest.

RainDrop Munchkin · 05-03-2012, 11:07 AM

hey stacie honey..

im so sorry you feel like this.. but you are not alone and we are all here for you..
going to A&E or the hospital is a really scary thing to do i understand where you are coming from there but honey if you feel the way you do i suggest you go and tell some one that can help you.. im sure you have a lot of amazing things in your life you just cant see them at the moment because you are feeling this low.

erm and as for them ringing some one how old are you, usually if you are over 18 they dont ring anyone unless it is really necessary.. but if you are scared that they will ring some one try samaritans or something..

i hope you feel better soon chick and you can always pm me when ever you like..

best wishes and i hope you feel better soon

love china xx

staceyrawrcakes · 05-03-2012, 03:29 PM

I'm feeling a little bit better, it's still there but not as bad.
I had so many opportunities to do it when I went out for this walk earlier but it'd be horrible for so many other people if I did it the way I was going to.
I've just lost everything that's important to me this past year and now I'm going to lose the one person that means the most to me and I can't deal with it. I don't want to be here when he gets home but I'm going to have to be. I don't know what's going to happen, all I know is we had an argument this morning and I almost hit him again.
I don't know what's wrong with me, I just feel like I've hit the self destruct button and I can't fix it