It's a mess

[Eyesore]

I don't know what I want to accomplish with this post.
I just think it's more or less like getting it off my chest.
So sorry if I shouldn't be talking so much about unimportant stuff as I'm about to do.

My head is just messing with me all the time these days.
There's been a lot going on and I just keep trying to find control in something, anything instead of all the "simple" destructive things I can come up with.
Unfortunately at this point I just feel like giving up.
It's so harsh to constantly try to be the person others "might like"...
and being 'me' isn't gonna work either. I really don't like 'me' at the moment.
And I know I'm the only one that could change that, but it's so friggin harsh.
I keep trying to change, to be better, to do better and to fight and all that sorta stuff.
But I just keep messing up.
Everytime I feel like things are gonna get better, they're getting worse.
I just really miss a friend. Just someone that'd actually listen and understand. And won't judge...
I don't know... it just sometimes feels like I've got no one around anymore that'd actually care.

I've been free from SH for quite some time, but it all seems so useless.
And I hate the fact I'm being so negative and all... but I just can't seem to find something positive to talk about atm.

I've got no boyfriend, no psych, no proper job, no friend that used to be there for me before...just...nothing

And maybe that's not true. I mean it's not nice for me to say there's nothing atm... because I know there are people that still care about me left.
But I just feel like there's nothing left anymore. I just want to sh pretty bad.


Ah well...
I don't know
Sorry for this all

[violoncelle]

Please don't apologize for asking for help. You are doing the right thing seeking advice where you feel comfortable. Everyone here will listen and understand your issues and the pain you feel because most, if not every one of us has struggled with similar loneliness, emptiness and hopelessness. It might seem like we are just words on a screen but there are really people here who want to help you.

It's a great thing that you know logically there are people who care for you. It's your sad feelings that are telling you there is nobody in the world who cares. My psych used to tell me that "I am not my sadness" and I believe that absolutely. Whenever I feel down and want to SH, I try to think about who I really am and how the real me is so different from the sad feelings taking over.

I hope you are able to feel better. Separate yourself from the part of you that perpetuates the cycle of depression. It is very hard at first, but the more you think about it and the harder you try, and the more you WANT to feel better, the easier it gets. :)

[Eyesore]

Thank you dear.
I just wish I could see it all... It feels like I just need to do it one more time.
And I know it doesn't work that way...and won't solve anything.
I just hate the hole where my heart used to be.

I mean...sometimes it feels like that

I don't wanna slip back into old bad habits... but I feel so messed up for not being able to release all the stress and the shit going on in my head.

aargh

[PassedExpectations]

is talking on here helping? maybe starting a rant thread would help you get some emotions out...

being harsh with yourself won't help you like who you are. how often do people come to like or care about someone that they ridicule, dismiss, and see as inferior?... not very often. if you treat yourself respectfully, you'll be able to change yourself, if that is really needed, and come to like yourself.

messing up is ok as long as you learn from it (and don't hurt someone). perhaps instead of terming it as "messing up" which has a really negative connotation, you could try and rephrase it as "making a mistake". how you talk to yourself really does matter. how you word things effects your emotions and your perspective.

do you have some goals set that you are trying to reach?

[Patch.]

I've only just seen this Moo, I'm so sorry.
I care about you so much, I know I'm not around as much as I should be but I'm here for you. Text or PM any time lovely <3