I haven't always been the most active, but i've been trying the past few years. I'm not going to lie to you of all people. I'm drunk as I write this. I have been having a very hard time dealing with my depression this semester and really, the only thing keeping me from cutting is my boyfriend's disapproval.
I feel like the only thing keepinf me from self harm is drug using and drinking- I'm talking about cigarettes and alcohol rather than anything illegal in the USA. I'm not really even sure if this cigarette use is better than the cutting that I've relied on for so many years. I use it the same way, and it's kept me from any form of self harm, unless you consider drinking and cigarettes as self harm. I've gotten my professors to allow me a week of to help me recover and help manage some way that does not require me to withdraw from the semester.
I've been having trouble getting out of bed unless it's with the promise of some sort of escape from the real-world. I feel like I haven't been living there the past two weeks, and I don't feel like I can. I am dreading Monday where I will need to deal with things that exist again. I want to stay in this realm of half-fantasy I have been in. I have considered even checking myself into a hospital if it would facilitate this fantasy where I don't need to deal with things this moment. I really balancing on this dissociative cusp, where I could fall either way. It's a troubling place to hold, but I am afraid to tell any consulting psychiatric about it for fear of being placed in a hospital without need.
When is it that I should seek such things? Should I be in a place where I migh self harm/ or should I only be in a place of a uncanny unbalance? one that coudl be manageable in time?
I've been free from self harm for nearly a year, but I could really use the advice of other vertrines right now. how do you cope with those time where you're at your lowest? how do you make it manageable?
I've already have an appointment to see a counciller next week. I wish I could make it sooner, but I couldn't. This is the first time in years I feel I've really needed it, but I'm not surprised; my father passe last spring semester, adn I'm not sure how much is me getting over it, and how much is me ignoring that he;s gone.
you have always helped me though the worst parts of my life, and I've tried to return that wherever I can.
Thank you so much for your help and advice, I'm eternally grateful.
it is never going to be easy to get back into reality. it rarely is for anyone. i can understand what you're feeling right now. i managed to avoid school for over a month once so as not to face reality. but ultimately the longer you wait, the bigger a tangle you're going to have to jump back in to. maybe you can think of it like a swimming pool... at first its going to be cold, but once you get in, you'll adapt and be able to enjoy the experience (after all, all the fun stuff is in the pool, not sitting on the deck in a daze)... so you've just got to choose whether you want to jump in or whether you want to go in slowly a bit at a time...
do you have friends who could help you manage to get up and get out each day? doing something, anything really, active is important. even if the only reason that you're getting out of bed is because your friend is knocking on the door because you're going out to get coffee or walk their dog... its a good thing. its a good start...
this is my magical medicine cabinet. Left to right they contain: courage, hope, calmness, and strength.
The magical part: They NEVER run out, so borrow some any time you want.
Hi,
Facing reality again after hiding from it for so long is hard but not impossible. It doesn't necessarily have to involve uni, perhaps if that is too much at the moment you could defer your course until you feel more up to it. However you do need to do something as staying in bed is not going to help you, it will only make you feel worse in the end. Like the above poster said you could start off small like having a friend over for coffee or even going for a walk. As hard as it is some sort of routine is important for managing depression, things like making sure we are showering, eating right and getting some exercise all help with depression. I hope your appointment goes okay next week. Take care
Kat xxx
"Recovery is something that you have to work
on every single day and it's
something that doesn't
get a day off."
Thanks guys. I'm not feeling all that much better, but I did manage to go back to one class, and I'm heading to my second this week in an hour. It's not easy, but I'm going to work hard to not run away.
