Graphic - Despressed and suicidal

..... · 01-03-2012, 02:01 AM

Ive been depressed for a while now, and i have thought of committing suicide many times, probably more than once a day. I have a good life, i live with my parents and i have a laptop, tv, internet, and anything i would probably want. I always have to put on a fake smile, and every1 including my family and friends thinks im happy, but of course since im posting here, i am not. Some background. i was bullied 2-6 grade in a catholic private school until i decided to leave. I went to a new school for a year and a half, the reason i left is because i was freaking out, when ever i saw people getting bullied or anything like that i would have things like "flashbacks" and i remember what happened to me, and i feel the same as i did then. I left that school and got medication for the "flahsback" thing, that didnt help. Now im in high-school, and ive probably been feeling like killing myself for 1-2 years. I have no problems in that school, i have a good amount of friends, and they all think im funny, i get A's & B's, but i still feel severely depressed. I told my mom i feel "sad" because last time i told her i felt like killing myself she gave me the whole, why when you have all this to be grateful for talk, and blew it off, which btw didnt help as u guessed. I never had a good relationship with my dad as a kid because he had a busy job, i don't really enjoy talking or spending time with him, idk if what happened in my childhood is the reason i fell that way. I went to a psychiatrist but she wasnt good at all, i always have thought all psychiatrists do is sit back listen to you and tell you some obvious crap that doesnt work, so i said the psychiatrist hasnt done anything, so i left. I havent been going to a psychiatrist just been going through school. I never have cut myself or felt like it, i feel like i already feel pain so why would i just inflict more pain slowly on me, id rather get it over with, and be done. I just don't know what to do anymore, i just want some help, even tho it probably wont help, before i just get the guts to end it.

PassedExpectations · 01-03-2012, 02:07 AM

it is really tough to be struggling, and only harder when people don't really listen. i'm sorry that you are going through that right now, but you CAN get through it. things will get better.

have you ever tried a psychologist? psychiatrists tend to be all about meds and not much else, thats what their job is, but psychologists are more about actually getting to know you and figure out ways for you to get yourself feeling better...

..... · 01-03-2012, 02:12 AM

I have an appointment for one in the next 2 weeks, i dont know if it will help, or what to even say, because if they tell my parents, i definantly dont want to talk to them about this.

Anim3Luv3r · 01-03-2012, 02:21 AM

It sounds like you're still stuck in the past and that's your problem. Do you have anyone that you truly trust that you know they will listen? I know what you mean about psychiatrist/psychologists, they never really helped me. In fact, my psychologist made me stress more with the things she told me. Talk this out. Talk as much as you can, talk here if you can't find anyone, we'll listen. Do yourself a favor, don't think about suicide okay? It gets better. Never think this is it, that this will never change because it will. I've been there. You are not alone. PM me anytime to just talk :) Thinking about suicide is too painful...please don't do it.