Ok, so I haven't taken my bipolar meds in nearly a week. I know I should take them, the first few days I was adamant I was doing the right thing then as the days have gone on I've become more and more unsure because of the pressures of finals and the risk I know I'm taking with having an episode before finals. I have told my main welfare people that I'm off them, but I haven't told my GP/psych. I don't really want to tell me GP because I know that I'll get the same lecture about what they are there for etc and I know all of that, and I understand it and it would be a waste of his time to see him. But I am wondering about whether I should contact my psych. Do I need to contact them just to tell them I'm off them- i.e. does coming off them count as a crisis point, or do I only need to contact them if I've been off them and then get symptoms? Really not sure what to do. I've only got just under two weeks before I go home for the holidays, I don't even know if they'd be able to see me before then even if they wanted to.
I nearly took one tonight. I got it out of it's blister and I had a glass of water I could have it with. But I just couldn't get as far as actually taking it. It's stupid. I know I'm playing russian roulette. And I know I should take them. I'm not trying to be some petulent 14 yr old, I'm nearly 21 for christ's sake and should know better, but I dunno. It's noe being self sabotaging, I know that because I'm willing to go back on them at some point. I just don't know when that point is.
So yeah, should I contact my psych? And if I do how do I go about it in terms of what do I say? Will I have to see them?
"Keep your heart open to dreams. For as long as there's a dream, there is hope, and as long as there is hope, there is joy in living."
I suspect it's something most of us have done at some point.
Do you mind if I ask what the reason was you stopped?
It's a good thing that the welfare people know, because it gives them a heads-up if something does go wrong (though hopefully it won't) but it is probably a good idea to talk to a medical person about it, so that it's put down in your notes, and they can help you with the best steps forward. Depending on your dosage, you might be coming off them too fast.
Has there been a change in your behaviour in the last few days?
Oh, and it might be a good idea to warn your friends, just so they can watch out for any changes in your behaviour.
Good luck.
It doesn't matter where you come from; it matters where you go.
No-one gets remembered for the things they didn't do.
We won't all be here this time next year,
so while you can take a picture of us.
We're definitely going to hell,
but we'll have all the best stories to tell.
You do need to let your Psych know, hun. I think the fact that you made a decision to stop taking your meds, and have been adamant about not taking them for more than two days is a sign of a crisis. It is certainly a sign of disordered/conflicted thinking in my eyes.
It is good that some of your care team are aware, so that they can keep an eye on you, but I think your Psych is the one with the most knowledge and experience - and therefore the one most likely to be able to explain to you the whyfores of taking them again. You say you are willing to take them again, and I really do think that you should do, as soon as possible, so as to reduce the risk of any affects - especially at a time that already seems stressful for you.
As Aunty T said, do you know what led to not taking them - is it perhaps linked to your current stresses?
Be gentle with yourself, and please do be as open and honest as you can with your Psych.
Roiben x
If the Human brain were so simple that we could understand it, we would be so simple that we wouldn't.
I missed one, and then found I was able to get shed loads of work done that night, and so then I was less and less willing to take them as I got more work done. And what with finals, more work = better grade. So I just didn't want to take them. But then last night I was just so tired anyways and knew I couldn't feasibly work, so thought there was no advantage to me not taking them anymore. But then I found myself unable to take it, because I'm now scared that they'll make me even more tired than I am already, and then I'll be even further backward with terms of work. So I've kinda caught myself in this catch-22. I barely know my psych - I haven't seen them since November ish time and when I did see them for all but one of the appts I was hypomanic so not really build any kind of trust/therapeutic relationship.
I've just spent half of today in bed, not wanting to do anything, and the last three hours just looking either blankly into space or blankly at a past paper.
I've shot myself in the foot haven't I??
"Keep your heart open to dreams. For as long as there's a dream, there is hope, and as long as there is hope, there is joy in living."
I typed out a reply then lost it D=
But yeah, I think that the only sensible option is to contact your psych so that they can help you get back on your medication as quickly and safely as possible. You're a lovely person and you deserve stability.
But yeah, I've forgotten what else I wanted to say, but the quicker you get back on your tablets the quicker things will calm down so's you can study again. Take care.
'It's an impossible choice ... I'll just have to hope that when I flip the coin it somehow explodes and kills me.'
"You're not scared of climbing mountains. You're scared that you can't make them move."
I think you need to get on with contacting your psychiatrist asap. If you can, leave them a message today and ask to speak to the duty worker see if that helps. Talk through your options from here, and work out a plan to get you back on them in a way that will minimise side effects of 'starting' a medication.
If you want me to give you a call after you take them or chat for a bit, let me know. If anything maybe you can use this situation as a learning curve and it may help you understand the benefits of taking them in a more visceral way in the future.
Saw college welfare peops and they phoned my GP, and I spoke to him briefly. We've got a plan lined up for when I want to start taking them again - obviously the sooner I start them the better, but as yet I can't convince myself completely. I'm trying. But struggling. I know I need to take mood stabilisers, and I know that I can't afford to try a different one at the moment what with going home for six weeks and finals in three months. The last thing I want is to end up on lithium, which I think is the next option if I fall off the valproate completely.
"Keep your heart open to dreams. For as long as there's a dream, there is hope, and as long as there is hope, there is joy in living."
Do you think you can recognise that the first time you missed one, what you experienced may have been hypomania and that what you are experiencing now is the come down/depression?
I am glad you have spoken to your GP, but do think letting your psych know as well is a good idea. When are you due to see them next?
I understand the reluctance to take them (I go through phases of hating my ADs) but I think you also know they are important and they do help you. Have you talked to your peers or tutors about the amount of work you should be doing - you may find that the amount you were doing at the start of all of this was much greater than that your peers were doing, which is a sign that it is not healthy for you?
Do please look after yourself. Try to grab hold of the side of you that is rational (aware that is difficult - I am currently trying to do that with my own psychosis/depressive thoughts).
Roiben x
If the Human brain were so simple that we could understand it, we would be so simple that we wouldn't.
Yeah a lot of what you said makes sense, but I was never high enough for it to be hypomania. I was just working hard like everyone around me is what with finals being three months away. The problem with comparing to peers at the moment is that EVERYONE is working their knuckles to the bone in order ot get the best grades, it's just that some will be pushing themselves to do it whereas others wil be doing it naturally.
I would agree that now though is a depression, not that it has been going on for long enough to be a properly diagnosed depression. I think coming off meds just held me at "normal" for a ew days before I then started sliding.
I'm meant to be seeing my GP tomorrow. Don't know when I'm meant to see my psych, if at all - I haven't had any contact with the CMHT at all since early December.
"Keep your heart open to dreams. For as long as there's a dream, there is hope, and as long as there is hope, there is joy in living."
Been thinking and I think part of my reluctance to take them is that I have to take them three times a day. I'm never very good at managing that (despite alarms), and my psych agreed I could take 1 tablet at lunch and two at dinner. But I think I just feel overwhelmed by the amount of meds (which is stupid cos I know i'm on the lowest dose possible)
I'm fed up of bipolar and being up and down and fed up of being me in my stressy form pre-finals. I don't know what to do. I'm really stuck. :(
"Keep your heart open to dreams. For as long as there's a dream, there is hope, and as long as there is hope, there is joy in living."
Saw the psych team today. I've been put on seroquel to try to help as apparently it has anti depressant properties. Nervous about it causing a lot of drowsiness (first option was to increase the valproate but i can't tolerate that high a dose), but hoping it will be ok - unfortunately she wouldn't give me the extended release form as opposed to standard release. Other option was an SSRI, but it would have been citalopram and I didn't get on with citalopram last time I took it.
Hoping this will help, because I REALLY need to get back to studying!
"Keep your heart open to dreams. For as long as there's a dream, there is hope, and as long as there is hope, there is joy in living."
