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provoking,
It is not that I feel sad or any harbor any feelings towards myself as I try to really differentiate the ideas of who i am actually am and worth, differentiating the ideas from what actually is and fill them with positivity that allows me to push myself forward day to day.
although recently what as been bothering me the most with the exception of regularities of things like work, people and other things that I either can't change forcibly at the moment is just school.
The ideal of school makes me inadequate in terms that when I know that possibly how smart I am or perception of what I think my intelligence doesn't copy straight forward to a GPA. And even if I know the Intelligence and the GPA do not have correlation in balance in determining on what measure of smart you are. Which I await now the battle that I have possibly have undoubtfully embarrassed to embrace, discuss and come forth with.
In the last two years of my collegiate career it has been a world-wind, I have failed numerous of classes, never because I was fazed by inane difficulties but mostly skills that I'm trying replicate. Simple things like homework and other things. But what hurts the most is the external negative influences impact in such a way it has made it hard to really want to anything.
I am the over thinker, the worrier. So I fill the void by completely diverging myself in doing work because I can't shrug the feeling of doubt and hopelessness. Just crying for solutions, when the only solution I will possibly get is from myself.
But these failed strong link in work ethic, make me completely sad. Too sad infact, because I feel why can't deal with all? I just keep telling myself that suicide is probably the best answer for all problems.
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