I Don't even know anymore...

[shatteredbits]

I don't know what to do anymore. I'm an absolute mess. Ever since I broke up with this boy I've been slowly going downhill. This past week has been the worst. I relapsed last sunday and when I called my ex for help he told me I was only doing this to get his attention.

I really can't stop. I used to just cut on one thigh, but now I've cut over a dozen times on both as well as my upper and inner arm and my hand. I can't tell anyone and worst I don't have the one supportive person in my life anymore.

Nothing will make this better, so I'm not even sure why I'm posting this here. I feel embarrassed for once having shared things with him and I feel insignificant and undeserving and like I HAVE to punish myself. I will continue to until he talks to me again. Its what I deserve.

[lilmissjay]

If you don't mind me asking, why did you and him break up? I know it may seem like you can't tell anyone or you can't get through this, but the only way that would be true is if you keep telling yourself all of these negative things. Yes, it will be hard at times, but that's how life is unfortunately. You just have to keep fighting through until things start to get better. The main thing that I highly suggest you do is to tell your parents or another adult that you trust so that you can get the help you truly need and deserve. Things CAN get better, it'll just take a lot of hard work and patience.

[shatteredbits]

He broke up with me because we argued often and he felt that we could never resolve our issues and it would destroy the possibility of us ever even being friends. So I suppose we broke up to save ourselves. I did not want to break up, because I felt we could resolve our issues if we only talked about them. But I trusted him and hoped that it would save our friendship at least. If anything it has just made things worse.

I can't tell my mother because it will only hurt her and that is not what I want to do. I've already hurt too many people. In a way I do just want help, but I am not sure how to go about getting it without my mother finding out. I'm 16 so I imagine I must be protected under some sort of confidentiality thing and I've wanted to seek help from perhaps a school councilor or something but I fear they will tell my mother. I'm scared about everything really.

[littlemonster11]

I don't think you deserve the pain you're causing yourself...
I think you deserve to be happy. <3
Maybe try seeking help somewhere else.

Message me if you want to talk about something, okay?

[shatteredbits]

Thank you so much. I'm just not sure where to seek help.

[PassedExpectations]

a school counselor would be a good place to start. you could also poke around the counseling office and see if they have any of those pamphlets for other places that you could get help... like, my town has a youth services center that kids can go to for free as long as they are in the school district...

[littlemonster11]

^yes. Very good idea. Also, a family doctor's referral office could find you someone. That's how I met my therapist. (:

[sevn]

what your doing now is amazing! coming on here and getting these problems out in the open is a first good step. And we are here to help :) we are listening, and we care so much about you.