I am someone older. I do not self harm. I have no intentions in becoming a self harming person.
I do have other mental and emotional issues. I have discussed this via email with Supporters here. I felt as though they were brushing one off.
I have had professional help and training for a vast majority of life. I am intending to have further such help in the future. Life has caused a gap time between, it happens.
The Supporters replies seemed to say, "go see a professional". Often, this kind of statement causes one to feel others are indifferent. I thought I had written articulately enough in my email.
I feel out of place in the chats because there a lot of younger people, a lot of self harming people. I have had suicidal thoughts and am not proud but can say maybe once or twice I tried. For me that is no longer an option on the table.
The forum post regarding chat says "come in before you get to suicidal thoughts", "we do not tolerate suicide threats or notes". I can fully understand and respect that. So, I come when frustration, depression, anxiety start getting the better of me.
I have even tried enjoying the general chat, when feeling less stressed or anxious. Nice to chat where others do not judge. I am not trying to judge either, or bad mouth anyone.
My introduction mentioned KS, even provided a link to a wikipedia page on it. Most of what is on the page applies. I am to some degree intelligent and classed as a Briggs & Myers INTP personality type. This means I'm a bit introverted, awkward socially.
So, I emailed Supporters to try and explain, to maybe find others to chat with or contact. I was asked why I haven't spoken to family, when I stated I had. Stated they were as supportive as they could be, I was open as I could be too.
I was told to speak to police regarding issues that happened some twenty to thirty years ago. It was wondered why nothing was done. Again, thought I had mentioned a bit about this.
In general their email replies left me feeling as though they were indifferent. I understand RYL is run by volunteers. Thank you, any help is appreciated and am grateful profoundly. At the same time such responses are let downs, especially considering it is difficult to open up.
So, I resolved to using old tools. I shut down emotionally. Used to do it as a kid. Am told, have been, will be that doing that is not good. I understand that. It is a temporary solution and aid. Not sure about opening up here again.
Im not sure what advice you want to be given, the supporters are only that, just someone to chat to when you really need help, they cannot solve your long term issues, in fact the only advice we can really give to anyone who uses RYL is to go seek help from outside of the website, as this is not meant to be a long term solution.
At the end of they day you might benefit from support from somewhere like the Samaritans/Breathing Space/Befrienders or another helpline or charity that is more suited to adults and mental health and that can help you in the community.
Edit - Plus i see you have only been a member for about a week now, it takes more time to settle into a community like this.
"Its not how long a star shines, what is remembered is the brightness of the light"
What are you looking for out of RYL? This might help you to find your niche, and might help others to tailor their support to you.
I don't really want to get in to your issues with the supporters, I think that might be better done privately with either the supporters themselves and/or maybe the forum moderators, but maybe they just found it difficult to find something to say, they aren't professionals are are volunteering their time to try to help people. I'm sorry you didn't get what you wanted out of it.
I'm not sure what kind of resposes you are after from makig this thread. This is a peer to peer support site. Absolutely no one here is trained, and any advice given is done so based of other members personal experiences and issues they can relate with.
The majority of the members here are aged i would say between 16 - 24 so a lot of their experiences are different to an older members.. i sometimes feel as though people may not relate to issues i am having and im only 25 :P
Have yu explored the forums fully? There is a wealth of past information available, and if you were to make your own posts, you may get some helpful replies back (quality over quantity i reckon).
There is also a 'veterans' area of the forums here which is frequented with members who are between the ages of 18 and about 50.
Perhaps when you post, you could state what kind of support it is you are after. Some people aim for reassurances and *hugs* and the like, some people respond better to down right common sense and straight talking.
I just wanted to reiterate what you and others said, that the supporters are people who aren't trained, who are often struggling just as much as the rest of us, are volunteers and work really hard to try and help. But as others said, they can't replace more professional support and maybe could be thought of, in part, as a sounding board. Maybe also consider that it might be hurtful for the people who have supported you to read this on the public forums.
You sound like you have the same personality type as me, I understand the blessings and difficulties that comes with. Maybe try posting on different boards around the forums and see if you find a place, or people, that you fit better with.
Im not sure what advice you want to be given, the supporters are only that, just someone to chat to when you really need help, they cannot solve your long term issues, in fact the only advice we can really give to anyone who uses RYL is to go seek help from outside of the website, as this is not meant to be a long term solution.
Not sure what advice could be given either. I do understand the site is
for long term. Think I expressed not intending to use the site for long
term support. Also expressed I am going to be seeking professional help
as soon as able, a few times now.
What are you looking for out of RYL? This might help you to find your niche, and might help others to tailor their support to you.
I was looking for what is on the tin. What I read of the site the
general message is it's a place to find others with similar situations,
supportive help. Again, not looking for long term help or professional
help. Supportive peers who listened, whom offered some form of help
coping might be nice. That's what I gathered the site to be about so
formed a bit of hope and expectation it would be.
I'm not sure what kind of responses you are after from making this thread. This is a peer to peer support site. Absolutely no one here is trained, and any advice given is done so based of other members personal experiences and issues they can relate with.
Yes, we spoke in chat. I was told in chat to post here, to stop bad
mouthing Supporters. Apologies, I don't feel I'm bad mouthing anyone.
What I had hoped in this thread was to further express feeling out of
place and a bit let down. I understand it is peer based volunteer site.
Again, I am literate and have read a bit on the site. I read a bunch
before joining, it sounded like a good place for some temporary help and
support of peers.
There is also a 'veterans' area of the forums here which is frequented with members who are between the ages of 18 and about 50.
Yes I noted the vets forum. Even in there I feel out of place in a way.
I have explored the site a bit, will probably explore further. Might be
nice to have a vet chat room. Noted there was thread about it. Did not
fully read every post in it due to living interrupting. May check it out
again. Did not appear favorable a vet chat would be happening.
Perhaps when you post, you could state what kind of support it is you are after. Some people aim for reassurances and *hugs* and the like, some people respond better to down right common sense and straight talking.
Common sense? Really? Sorry for being snarky.
I handle common sense and talking, reasonable stuff. I like a bit of fun
too. No point having mental issues if you cannot laugh at them and
yourself. I have morbid and dry humor, often told no humor. I'm a
deadpan.
Hugs are okay in person. Hug my wife quite a bit, would my bf as well
but he lives some distance away. At the same time, got a few issues
being physical. Weary of hurting others unwittingly in playing or just
connecting. I'm a wiry rough and tough sailor, or was and sometimes
forget to be extremely careful with strength.
Maybe also consider that it might be hurtful for the people who have supported you to read this on the public forums.
I do and have considered it. Apologies if it does hurt others. In part I
can admit feeling hurt too, lashing out. What I have done isn't exactly
right or wrong. I will apologize, not bring this up again, try to do
better. Yes, I have flubbed up and know it. Sorry.
Well, you have not yet made a thread asking for support for yourself anywhere on the forums, might i suggest you give it a go. The supporters are a minute percentage of the population of the site and as such can only offer a minute level of the empathy and advice the site has to offer.
It might also be worth just posting around everywhere, reply to threads in the general forums, offer some advice to others where you can, people respond far better to a peraon they have seen around as they get the feel of the persons character.
Whilst chat can be wonderful, it does not offer the dedicated support the forums do as the rooms tend to be focussed on more than one person at a time and move very fast.
Also, i dont think you have donw anything wrong in posting this thread, its what this section of the site is for, and its far better to discuss any issues the way you are doing rather than the 'everyone hates me' wah that we sometimes get.
My name is Chloe and I, for want of a better title, am the Head Supporter. I think it would be a reasonable to ask that if you have any specific issues with the support you've received that you come to me directly; rather than in chat or on the Forums. We would never, share on the forums the reasons that you came to us for support, nor justify or elaborate on our replies in a public space. This would be due to the confidentiality of the contact you had that I feel should be respected both ways and will result in a one sided conversation here.
As someone else mentioned, to do this in a public forum does have the potential to upset the volunteers that have volunteered to spend their time and energy, simply because they care, to reply to your emails. The Supporters won't be a perfect solution for everyone, and from your post you clearly haven't found them to be the kind of support you need. It would be fine for you to state this, but please do speak privately about specific issues.
You mentioned coming here because of what it says on the time. However, RYL is predominantely a self-harm support community, which comes in many forms - any behaviour that you take part in that causes you harm, often deliberately. Even "healthy" folk self-harm under this broad definition sometimes, so, with a little time I'm sure you will be able to find someone you can relate to.
Great to hear that you're looking to get further help and I hope that you do find the support you need in the interim. As has been mentioned above, if common sense if what you're looking for, I think it would make sense if you started becoming a member of the community by replying and posting on the boards and see how you feel in a few weeks.
Good luck,
Chloe
Last edited by klo_flo : 22-02-2012 at 12:46 PM.
We don't get given patience but the opportunity to be patient.
Courage isn't handed to us, but we are given opportunities to be courageous.
I'm just putting my bit into this converstaion, but you can't really start moaning that you didn't get the support you wanted when you haven't even been here all that long, I find you have to give a little to get a lot (does that even make sense?).
As for the supporters they are amazing people that do a great job, spending any and all spare time supporting us crazies, so let's just keep the comments nice about them people.
But as someone else said have you tried making a thread in support? you might find that very helpful.
Edit, after reading over my comment it may seem a little harse/mean, i didn't mean for it to seem that way, if the OP or anyone else wants me to delete this please just PM me :).
I totally understand your feeling out of place. I think a lot of people feel out of place when they first join RYL because even though a lot of us struggle with self harm and other issues and come here to not be alone, we are all still different from one another, no ones reasons are the same, and not everyones problems are the same when you get into the details of them. I think if you keep trying to connect maybe post around places in the forums about how you feel emotionally or what issues you may have (in the appropriate part of the forum, of course) and ask if anyone feels the same way, maybe you'll find someone who has similar issues and someone who can relate. I hope this helps. :)
"Wish that I could cry,
Fall apon my knees,
Find a way to lie,
About the home I'll never see"
Superman by Five For Fighting
