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Work and SI
Does anyone ever feel ashamed of their SI while they're at work? I came to the vets forum because I guess most of us would have full-time jobs and responsibilities. I think it's funny that I'm only 25 but probably considered a "vet" on here hehe...but anyway...
I work at a rehabilitation center for chemical dependency while I'm in school working toward a license to practice psychotherapy. I do evaluations and facilitate group therapy (with the occasional individual and family session thrown in).
In group we talk a lot about triggers and cravings. Sometimes it is so hard for me to try to work with my clients on not giving into cravings or triggers knowing that I have (not with drugs or alcohol but with SI). I feel especially shameful, guilty, and hypocritical when I have hidden, healing cuts on my body and I'm trying to help my clients. God, it's so hypocritical.
Does anyone else feel ashamed of their SI while at work? I don't know, with me I feel like I am not competent or capable to do my job because of it (neither of which are really true, but my mind still has those thoughts). On one hand, although I'm not an addict I do know what it's like to have a craving (my clients don't know this of course) and maybe it allows me to empathize and better connect with them, but on the other hand I feel so much shame.
I'm reading a book about women who SI and there's a chapter about SI and work and the women keep saying that if their coworkers only knew...they would be shocked because these women are so good at their jobs.
Anyway, has anyone else ever felt this way?
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