went to wish my cousin ahappy 18th bday on fb and hes deleted me too!! im sure becausde his idiot mother who is raising my child told him to. im so ****ing pissed off. i can barely breathe. i feel ready to hurt myself...badly...there is no oine else to nhurt...ive had it..she turned my cousin against me and my son will be next.
**** this ****!! i would sooooo die if i could. i HATE not having that choice anymore...
kelly is asleep and i have so much opportunity. does my promise even mean anything anymore? he wont even talk to me....my brain cant process this..its all too much...
Rach, Keith loves you. He has a mind of his own and it is clear that you both love each other. He is in a pretty difficult position though because at the end of the day he loves you, your his Mum but he also lives with your Aunt. That conflict is pretty confusing for a kid. Maybe he just needs some time to process and figure out how to deal with things without any pressure.
I'm sorry for the way your aunt etc has been behaving and that your cousin deleted you off facebook. Could you message him quite simply though wishing him a happy birthday and asking if you have done anything to upset him? At the end of the day you have every right to be upset and hurt but you need to try and find a way to deal with that hurt. The promise you made to Keith is fantastic and I am really proud of you for sticking to it. I guess one of the things I would be concerned about it Keith seeing the status about how awful your aunt is etc and how angry/upset you are with her and how you want him to speak to you and feel caught in the middle. I know that is not your intention but yeah....just maybe be aware of it.
Of course your promise means something. Your relationship with some of your family sucks. That does not invalidate all the positives though.
well...i didnt cut..but i burned...see i left myself a way out when i made that promise. burns arent bad and that makes me angry and im tired but cant sleep but tired of burning...so maybe no more today...who knows...i know youre right emma...im not in the right state of mind hunni.
Thinking of you, & sorry I haven't been around much, I went into my shell a bit lately and am now trying to catch up with how everyone is.
Sorry to see you struggling & feeling so angry right now. I can understand why you are, but do try to remember that Keith has to live with her.
For your cousin, maybe try and stick with sending a card in the future, at least that way you know it will get through.
Keith loves you, and I know it is hard right now, but he does and he will show that in a way that feels right to him. If he needs space, let him have it, he will come round when he is ready.
*hugs*
Sorry that doesn't make much sense...
Roiben x
If the Human brain were so simple that we could understand it, we would be so simple that we wouldn't.
I am sorry you still felt the need to hurt yourself, and that was strong enough to take action. I know how hard it is to try not to si... I have been struggling with that one myself. Have you treated the burns, or do they need attention right now? Do, please look after them properly and try not to burn anymore for now.
I won't tell you not to at all, as I know that is not my choice and that it is not fair when feeling that het up. Are there other ways you can focus the emotions though, safer ways. Screaming, ranting, running, breaking cups (if you really have to) anything that gets that anger and frustration out, but does not hurt, you, or anyone else.
Please, try to be gentle with yourself, I know that is hard, but I think you need and deserve some gentleness right now.
Roiben x
If the Human brain were so simple that we could understand it, we would be so simple that we wouldn't.
ive obviously calmed down alot. i spoke with my uncle who raises Keith with my aunt. i love my uncle so much. he said he wasnt upset with me at all and he knew about leanne deleting me. he did say that he didnt know anything about my cousin doing it also, though.
i spoke with Keith a few nights ago. we talked for a long time about his school and the soccer team. he made it!! its rare for a freshman to make the high school team but he did. hes panicking because his GPA is 3.5. a perfect GPA is 4.0!! i tried to calm him down. hes taking honors algebra and honors biology this trimester and that has lowered his GPA. it was a 3.8 and he desperately wants it back. but he still has an A average overall. hes hard on himself just like i was.
I also asked him how he was dealing with the situation(kelly and I) we talked about and he said he was really fine about it. i was being paranoid when i thought he wouldnt talk to me. hes just been extremely busy with school, sports, and church.
i miss him but im ok. cant sleep tonight. ive tried but no luck and we may have some bad stormy weather....poo.
and Jess...you may wound certain members if you can find them, but i cant give clues as to where they are :P....
I think it was the weather that was keeping me awake. im terrified of storms because i went through a a deadly tornado that killed 11 people in my town years ago. so when there is a threat...i keep an eye on things.
Rach, the thing about natural deaths is that they are very slow, and that they come much later in life. If you do get one, I can only hope it is peaceful for you and not one of the hard ones, I do know though that you have a lot of life still to look forward to, and I can only hope you are feeling more stable, and settled soon so that you can feel more able to take life on board and give it a run for its money.
*safe hugs*
Roiben x
If the Human brain were so simple that we could understand it, we would be so simple that we wouldn't.
