It feels like a hamster wheel I can't get off.... a revolving door. GAD and moderate/severe - severe depression is what I have. The depression varies and can range from moderate/severe to severe whereas the GAD remains a 17/18 out of 21 on the GAD 7 score/questionnaire.
I'm fed up. I've always felt 'different' since I can remember. I cling to tablets... I was, at first, very reluctant to take them back in 2005/2006 but since then I have tried Fluoxetine (this helped)... came off that and lasted about 12 months... Tried Citalopram, this helped and I made the decision to come off it as I was sick and tired of being told by GP's 'You know, you need to come off AD's at some point..' I went back on Citalopram in 2008 - was on it until 2010 and then back on again in 2011 and then in late 2011 swapped from Citalopram (20mg) to Sertraline (50mg) currently on 150mg Sertraline.
I have a disability as well as GAD/Depression. There is apparently, evidence to suggest that people with disabilities are more susceptible to MH issues and therefore require treatment for longer... I feel sad and unhappy, I feel guilty - like I have let myself down.
I have ambition but no ability to achieve my potential. Life seems hopeless. Add to that the issue of work - I'm currently in the assessment phase of ESA. There isn't a job I can think of that I can do either because of Physical or mental reasons.. I have learnt the hard way in both respects; having pushed myself too hard in all areas and carried on when I should have recognized it was all getting too much or that I was physically not capable.
What a mess.
As supportive as my boyfriend (partner/Other Half of 6 years) is, he said to me in not so many words the other day, that I need to work (I know and I'm not a benefit scrounger I just need a job to suit my needs) and that most people don't get jobs they are happy with until they are middle aged.
Please can you offer hugs/advice/encouragement if you feel able to
Thanks
Syrup.
