Your experiences of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder

[Steel Maiden]

I am just interested to hear about people's experiences with OCD. I have been told I have mild OCD, but that relates to my Asperger's tbh.

What are the hardest parts for you and do you have any coping techniques?

[Tig]

My OCD relates to my emetophobia (phobia of being sick) so what I find hardest is the intrusive thoughts. Like in my head, if I don't follow through on what the OCD is instructing, I will hear thoughts such as "If you don't do X then you will be sick". That's what I find the hardest.

I haven't really developed coping techniques yet. I tend to give in because the fear of being sick is so great. Sometimes though I do try and test myself and use affirmations such as "If I am going to be sick, regardless of my OCD behaviour, I will be sick and touching wood 200 times is not going to stop that".

[one_step_closer]

I also have quite mild OCD. My obsessions relate to preventing any possible harm coming to my brother but I recognise that the complusions I carry out (such as repeating things and naming things) don't logically affect what happens to him. It seems too dangerous to stop doing my compulsions though, in case they lead to something bad happening to my brother.

I'm not sure if I have any coping techniques. My last psychiatrist told me that when I feel like doing compulsions I should do something else to distract myself but that hasn't really worked for me.

[Steel Maiden]

Thank you both of you for your input. I am sorry to hear that you don't find techniques very helpful.

I have obsessions about lining up things, organising things, cleaning things, counting things (the counting is a major issue) and checking things.

I do things like make sure my books are all in alphabetical order every day, count things I do like how many sips of tea I take (and it has to be a prime number), cleaning the kitchen too much (with bleach and all that), and every night I have to do a check of various things in my room and the house, otherwise I won't be able to sleep - and they're really silly things like are my books in the right order, or are there any pencils on the floor (I will search the floor for pencils).

I also get thoughts that enter my head and simply won't go away no matter how much I distract myself. These thoughts are usually about really disturbing things I've heard of or thinking about horrendous ways in which my family could be harmed by someone. Sometimes I have panic attacks because the thoughts won't go away. I recently have been having intense thoughts that I am brain damaged, and the slightest thing (like a tic in my arm) makes me freak out at times. But I think that I am coping better with that last one now.

[kbeth]

My least favorite thing about OCD is the horrible images I get in my head when I try to go to sleep at night. Since I was a little kid, I have had images of eyeballs popping out of their sockets. And as I've gotten older I've gotten more images like that one. :( Most of my compulsions are my trichotillomania, which sucks too--I pick at my skin and hair a lot. Coping skills: nothing great for my tric yet. For the images, I try to not fight the images--just to notice them without reacting emotionally. (Easier said than done.) And my psychiatrist suggested altering the images to be something less gruesome--like one time, I was stuck with the image of me having my skin peeled off, and I changed that to having a wetsuit peeled off. That helps, but it takes energy. When I'm going to sleep, I don't want to mess with that! I used to have obsessions/compulsions with getting sick when I was a kid, too...

For you guys, did your OCD start when you were a kid, or is it an adult issue for you?

[Steel Maiden]

I get images of my parents being hurt in horrible ways. The trick of modifying the images, I will try that next time it happens.

I pull out my eyelashes sometimes and I often pick my skin to the point of pain, but I don't do it for the pain, I just cannot stop sometimes.

I was obsessive as a kid, but it didn't develop to OCD until the last several months.

[Mrs Sam]

Intrusive thoughts are horrid for me, especially at the moment. In the past it's related more to checking and cleanliness. Also I have to control things and plan things merticulously or else I panic.

[Steel Maiden]

Planning is a major issue for me too; if I do not have the exact times and exact places I have to be at for a day, I will panic. I even write timetables for the day when I wake up.

[Cryptic.]

[Long]


My OCD can be quite severe.

I have quite a variety of symptoms, some perhaps you may relate to, some perhaps are completely different/new. I thought I'd just share them and tell you my experiences with my OCD.

I experience a lot of intrusive thoughts/images, they can become very distressing for me, especially if they're about someone I love/care about. They can come in many forms, violence, murder, cruelty, sexual, etc.

I have quite a few checks, and these checks are in different forms, the first form for me is;
checking doors, handles, windows, curtains, cooker, microwave, fridge/freezer, tv, etc.

And then I have another form in my checks such as blinking/staring/touching for a certain amount of time or until it feels "right".

My checks aren't as bad as they once were though, which is a plus.


I used to have quite a severe symptom in that I felt I had to "confess".
It ended up in me feeling that I had to "confess" every.damn.little.thing.
It would be endless, and it would stress me out so much.

I eventually sought advice on this particular symptom, and the advice I got was to basically not to fuel the fire, and to fight the urge to "confess", and eventually, the urge would become less and less intense, and it worked.

I still get these urges, but damn, it's a hell of a lot better than it was.

What also was kind of joint with my confessing, was seeking excessive reassurance for what it was I confessed about.

Obviously this doesn't just affect me, but it begins to affect the other person, too, in that, by excessive, I mean daily, multiple times a day at one point. I imagine it could be quite stressful for the other people in this, too, and it probably was for those involved with this with me.

I still seek reassurance, but I'm so glad it's not as bad as it once was.


My last psych said that my OCD takes forms in regards to my self harming, I won't go into details as it may trigger, if you'd like more info, I'd gladly PM you.


Another thing that really distresses me is feeling like every single word I say has to be "perfect" and has to be "right".

I cannot say one word out of place, small or big, otherwise I'll feel like this terrible bad liar even though in reality it's nothing as bad as I feel it is, so I am extremely aware of what I say/text/type and it can take a long time sometimes to say things until it's "perfect"/"right".
I guess another form of checking is re-reading & re-writing & re-saying/wording & the likes.

I'm quite fearful/obsessive surrounding germs, and handwashing comes into this too, but again, this has gotten better beyond belief which I'm relieved about,too.


I experience quite a few symptoms, and there are others but I won't go on any further, unless you'd like to know more, then I'd happily PM or post if you'd like. I just feel like I'm taking up so much space here, so I won't continue further!


OCD can be a very, very distressing disorder to suffer with. And despite trying to be as logical as possible and reasoning with yourself, logic simply doesn't exist with OCD.
The obsessions, the compulsions, there is no logic.
It simply just is.

There are a wide variety of symptoms with OCD, if you google "OCD list of symptoms", you'll find just how many symptoms there are, and how severe it can be, if you're interested in that.

The most best advice I've been given, as mentioned in my post, and the best advice I can give to people suffering with OCD, no matter how mild or severe, is this;
Do not fuel the fire.
The more you give in, the worse it'll be and the worst it'll get.

It can be so, so stressful resisting compulsions/obsessions, or ignoring intrusive thoughts/images, etc etc, but in the long run, the distress you experience in not giving in to whatever your OCD causes for you, is worth it.

I also think to imagine your OCD as a child. A child throwing a tantrum. The tantrum being the obsessions/compulsions. If you don't pay attention to it, and don't give in to it, eventually, it'll get better and it'll be okay again.

x

[kbeth]

I like that image of OCD as a kid throwing a tantrum :) It fits! And that idea of not fueling the fire is really helpful for me. I've fought a compulsion of checking if my car doors are locked...One time I was coming home from work, and the compulsion came up. I was halfway between my car and my apartment. The compulsion was so strong: I just stood there for I don't know how long, because I was too scared to go in either direction. I told myself that checking once is never enough, and what's the worst that could happen? Worst case scenario, my car doors aren't locked and maybe somebody breaks into my car (even though I'm in a gated apartment complex and my car doors were locked one minute ago when I checked). But what about the other worst case scenario, letting my OCD rule my life? That would be even worse than my car getting burglarized. Eventually I was able to go on inside without checking my car door: a small but big victory :)

It feels like a relief just reading about other people's OCD symptoms--it's a lot of validation for me. It's like with every line I read of the posts above, I think "that's me! I have that one too!" So don't worry about posting long posts, because it helps me to read them :)

I've realized that religion really fed my OCD when I was growing up--I experienced a lot of distress related to my religious obsessions/compulsions. But at the time, I thought I was just being a good Christian. I'm not at all religious now, and it feels like a relief not to have that in my brain. Anybody else experience this?


btw, I love the cat! xoxo kittens/cats are therapy :P

[Cryptic.]

Quote:

Originally Posted by kbeth

I like that image of OCD as a kid throwing a tantrum :) It fits! And that idea of not fueling the fire is really helpful for me. I've fought a compulsion of checking if my car doors are locked...One time I was coming home from work, and the compulsion came up. I was halfway between my car and my apartment. The compulsion was so strong: I just stood there for I don't know how long, because I was too scared to go in either direction. I told myself that checking once is never enough, and what's the worst that could happen? Worst case scenario, my car doors aren't locked and maybe somebody breaks into my car (even though I'm in a gated apartment complex and my car doors were locked one minute ago when I checked). But what about the other worst case scenario, letting my OCD rule my life? That would be even worse than my car getting burglarized. Eventually I was able to go on inside without checking my car door: a small but big victory :)

It feels like a relief just reading about other people's OCD symptoms--it's a lot of validation for me. It's like with every line I read of the posts above, I think "that's me! I have that one too!" So don't worry about posting long posts, because it helps me to read them :)

I've realized that religion really fed my OCD when I was growing up--I experienced a lot of distress related to my religious obsessions/compulsions. But at the time, I thought I was just being a good Christian. I'm not at all religious now, and it feels like a relief not to have that in my brain. Anybody else experience this?


btw, I love the cat! xoxo kittens/cats are therapy :P

Heh, I'm very glad my analogy of OCD being a child throwing a tantrum. Just keep trying to ignore it/avoid it/pay any attention to it. I've learnt, for example, if I have an intrusive thought/image, the more I pay attention to it and react in a negative way to it, the worse it'll become, and then you get more and more distressed.

In that situation, this tantrum child is the perfect analogy. Here's the little child OCD throwing this massive obsession/compulsion at you, and it's wanting a reaction. It's wanting you to give in to it. And the more you give in to a child, they will learn what buttons to press and what will make you give in,if you see what I mean there?

So, the more you react and the more you give in to OCD, the worse it'll get and the worse it'll become.

I'm proud and glad you managed to stop yourself from giving into the compulsion. It's so, so, SO difficult to do this, OCD can be a freaking pain in the ass, (much like a tantrum child! ;p) but if you keep resisting, and keep not giving in & being strong willed against it, the distress in doing these things is so worth it for the end result, which ultimently, is having a life without OCD controlling it/making things worse.

There are a lot of obsessions/compulsions to do with religious aspects, if you google this, I'm sure you'll find a lot of stories with other people relating to this.

I love my kitty too ;p She's so adorable&loving&tame&wonderful! Very nice when we have our snuggles or she goes to sleep with me =]

x

[PassedExpectations]

i don't have time for a proper reply... but if you're looking at treatment, DEFINITELY go with ERP!

[beautiful_seclusion]

I was diagnosed with OCD at one point, although I don't think I have the full disorder. It was also much worse as a child. I think what helped me was to learn that it was very much related to anxiety and fear, so if I could attack those, alot of the obsessions/intrusive images/compulsions went away. Now when I start feeling it come on, if I think about what's been going on, I almost always realize I'm stressed or upset in some way and that's how it manifests itself. It's like my brain thinks it can gain control over the situation by obsessing over people getting hurt or by checking things or whatever. But when you really think about it, it's entirely illogical, and I think that helped me just realizing the source of it and how illogical it is since I am very logical. And now when it happens it's a good indicator I need to find the source of stress and deal with that more than the symptoms itself. But I do understand how distressing it is. When I was a child I'd say elaborate prayers in my head to keep bad things from happening, and when it wouldn't feel good enough to stop the bad things, I'd add on another line and somehow that felt like it would keep something bad from happening. When I was an older child/teenager, I'd also rearrange numbers and letters in my head on walls and other things. Which was ok at first, but the arrangement would never be quite right and it'd drive me nuts after a while. And once I started algebra, then I started finding square roots of things. lol. I think it really was just anxiety and trying to convince myself I had control over something but really I had less control over it than anything else. The other thing was that for some reason I actually enjoy organizing things/arranging things to some extent, so the non distressing part was just how I am, but then when it became distressing was when it became more obsessive compulsive. I actually have a label maker simply because I like it, and it does make things more easy to find. :D

I also VERY much hate the intrusive images/thoughts of people getting hurt or doing something violent, especially since sometimes they were of me doing something horrible, even though I had no desire to do whatever it was. Most of that's gone away except like I said when I'm stressed or upset. I still tend to be pretty highly organized and I actually enjoy arranging things, but overall, I'd say just realizing what it really is really got rid of a lot of the symptoms. I do a bit of extra checking than necessary, but I've managed to keep the distress minimal to none. The other thing that helped strangely was when I started taking medication for my ADHD which had been long undiagnosed. I no longer had anxiety about forgetting things, etc. due to not controlling my attention, because it actually wasn't as high of a risk anymore since the medication worked so well. So reducing real sources of anxiety even if the anxiety was somewhat exaggerated affected it too.

[Celticroots]

I was diagnosed with OCD a year ago. My experiences with it are intrusive thoughts of a violent or sexual nature. I also seek reassurance for various things I am worrying about. By far the worst symptoms were the sexual thoughts. They made me so miserable I considered suicide at one point, and was so frightened to tell anyone for fear of what they'd think.

With the help of an understanding therapist and doing ERP, I am feelling better, although I still get intrusive thoughts occasionally.