Contains abuse - Needing to drink in order to cope

[Joannaa]

I drink a lot. Too much. I'm not an alcoholic, I mean, I can live without drinking. But most days, I just need to get drunk. My life is crap. I hate myself and I hate my life. So I get drunk in order not to feel it. And when I'm drunk, I often cut myself. I know I shouldn't, but it's the only way I seem to be able to cope with all of this. I haven't the time to really deal with all of this. Studying takes most of my time and energy.

I don't know why I'm posting this anyway. I think I just want to be heard and understood. I want to know that I'm not alone.

There's so much pain in my life. Every day. I'm way too sensitive. I take things too personally. I know that. I've been abused by my family my whole life. They use me as a f**king servant (I apologise for the language). So I feel like that's all I deserve. I was also raped as a child, and my father sexually abused me. So, all my life, I've been taught that I was pretty much worthless.

And that's what I expect from people. I can't trust anyone. Every time I've trusted someone, or let myself start to care about someone, I've been kicked in the teeth. I've regretted trusting people bitterly.

So I drink. I wish I didn't need to, but I do. It's the only way I can live with myself. I just needed to get this out. I'm sorry if I sound completely pathetic. I just need someone to hear me, for once in my life.

Joanna

[bjm5225]

I relate to alot of what your saying.
I assure you you are not alone

[Sigma]

Me too

[wake up]

Hey

I can relate to a lot of what you've posted. If you ever want to talk im a pm away

x

[sunshine100]

I can relate to a lot of what you've said too. I rely on alcohol far too much; when I was have counselling I was asked to go for alcohol abuse counselling. I understand why you feel the need, I still do, but try and fight it. Maybe just pick one day when you tell yourself you won't drink. I always find I'm much more likely to sh when drunk.

I hope this is helpful and doesn't sound preachy. You're definitely not alone.

[Zedebee]

I hear you, Joanna. I also can relate and I do understand what you're going through.

I don't have much else to say that hasn't already been said but I want to enforce that you are NOT worthless and NOT pathetic. Take care and PM me if you ever want to chat.

[AlwaysCelestial]

I haven't been a member long. I just started browsing forums and you just put TRUTH in black and white WITH COURAGE and I haven't been able to do that. Thanks for showing me I'm not alone either. I'm so darn sensitive I'm afraid I'll get lashed out at for posting anything on a forum *face smack*. Wishing you the best <3 Message me or friend me or however it's done here if you wanna chat more.