I almost always keep my arms covered but tonight I was looking at them and I found I could not remember what they used to look like without the deformation/scars on them. Does anyone else ever find the same? Maybe it is a good thing. My arms are permanently damaged by the harming anyway but sometimes I wish I could see what they were like before, even if just for comparison.
I notice that too and then when I see other peoples arms or legs I expect them to be scared too, to me it seems "normal" now, but then I realize that no, not everyone has this habit.
I just want you to know that you are special, and although I don't know you, I love you
I do that all the time. And I can't help but look at other people's arms when they wear short sleeves and wonder what it would be like if mine still looked like that.
“Too late, I found you can't wait to become perfect, you got
to go out and fall down and get up with everybody else.” Ray Bradbury in Something Wicked This Way Comes
Whenever I see people in shorts, I wonder why they aren't freaking out that their legs are showing, then I remember it's just me. It's just become so normal to me. If I'm wearing anything that comes higher than the knees, I feel naked. And I can't at all remember what they looked like before.
Let's make a thousand mistakes. We'll never learn..
Meine Haut ist mir zu eng, ich kann nicht atmen.
Meine Venen liegen offen. Langsam wird mir klar
Die Hölle ist so nah...
I find myself comparing my scarred arms with other people's non-scarred arms and wishing I wear a t-shirt like they are or something. Having said that, I have showed a few of my scars anyway and am working on that particular fear.
I think having clean arms would be nice. I've done this since I started clawing them to shreds in the first place. I have a friend who used to cut and she loves dressing me in outfits. I always feel weird... she has naked arms and mine are covered. I miss wearing shirts without armwarmers.
I'm sure almost every self harmer has dealt with this on a personal level.
Yes I find myself doing this too Lately and I usually also look at other people's arms and wonder how I would look if I had a t-shirt on me but the thought disappears when I look at my arms again.
Close your eyes, so many days go by.
Easy to find what's wrong, harder to find what's right.
Dance With The Devil - Breaking Benjamin
There is nothing like driving so fast that you can see the thin line between life and death
I feel odd if I see a picture showing my arms when I was younger because I forget that they weren't always scarred. As for my legs I'm not bothered because I never would wear clothes that showed them even if they weren't scarred.
The only time you will find real light is when you're searching in the dark..
I feel particularly embarrassed about my legs. I think, now I've essentially stopped self harming, it's hit me how much it may affect my future relationships and how ugly my arms and legs are. I think the only thing to do, though, it to keep going, so I'm joining an aquafit class in the next couple of weeks.
I remember when I first started self harming, I'd look at other people's arms and think 'their arms look wrong' and realise it was because they didn't have cuts on them. Now I wish I had that smooth, soft skin... especially as I'd quite like to have tattooes on my arms but can't now.
Thank you. I am glad I'm not the only one. I look at my arms and hate them, there is no chance of me ever being able to wear short sleeves because whilst the scars may fade they are so mishapen it looks awful. Why is it not enough though? And why do I feel the need to make my entire body look like that when I hate my arms so much? It just doesn't make sense. I don't feel like I will ever be 'free' from this. And is there even any point when the marks are going to be there forever?
Don't give up just because you think the damage you have already done is irreparable and couldn't get worse. I've been there. I looked at my arm and though, "what is the point in even trying? I can't wear short sleeves anyway." It can get worse. While those original scars are still not something I would display in public, they have faded and become less noticeable. Almost to the point where I could at least get away with saying that my problems were so far in the past that no one needed to worry about them. But I didn't leave it alone, and now it is so much worse. Be safe!
“Too late, I found you can't wait to become perfect, you got
to go out and fall down and get up with everybody else.” Ray Bradbury in Something Wicked This Way Comes
Do you think it may be because you don't like yourself, that you want your whole body to be damaged and hurt? I think it's never enough because self harming in the long term isn't at all effective in reducing levels of emotional pain and distress, but there may be other reasons too - like, maybe that self harming can never make visible the amount of emotional pain you're in, or that it will never feel enough to punish yourself. Really, one of the more effective ways of dealing with pain and hurt in a safe way is to develop a compassionate and nurturing inner-self, which is often a process learnt in therapy.
I might be talking bollocks, but I wonder how much it is the physcial scars you're talking about when you say 'these marks will be here forever'. I know it definitely plays a part, but wonder if it's more a description of your 'internal world' and how permanent and lacking in hope it feels. God, that sounds like psychobabble, sorry.
its strange...i have to keep one clear arm and one clear leg...so i can see what it looks like.though that is changing....but because of the damage to the other limbs there is no way i can ever wear short sleeves or shorts. I despise what ive done to myself but then feel i deserve it....i think i kind of accept thats how its going to be. What i find hard is growing old with these deformitities,,i mean im quite old anyway,,but keeping covered for grandchildren etc
