hi guys, need some advice, had a look on the forum but cant find anything similar.
so.... i havent had much experience in the relationship department and i recently met a guy who i really like and i dont know what to do with regards to si.
i have recently slipped so have some fresh scars (not bad but fresh) and i dont know whether its worth telling him about it before anything happens and he scarpers or tell him and let him scarper before anything happens?
How long have you been with the guy you like? For me, telling my partner about my self harming (Although now 2 years free) wasn't a problem as we met on RYL. With my ex, I never said anything because at the time, it simply was not a problem in my life, but the scars were pretty obvious in some places. He never commented on them etc.
I think what I'm trying to say is wait and see how the relationship goes to begin with. If it seems like he cares for you then consider approaching the subject. I have a friend who has been with her partner for a while and she told him about his self harm and it hasn't effected their relationship despite him not really understanding why she could do something like that to herself.
Every individual if different in understanding metal illnesses and self harm, some take it better than others.
Hope you get the result that you are looking for xx
i recently in this situation i dont know what to do. i really like him, i sh once since he's in my life and didnt want to incase but i did in a place i said right from begining id never go. im worried about my scars if he'll ever see them and if he did .. what would i say this worrys me cus i dont want to tell him, i dont think telling him is good. so i dont know wht im afraid of by telling him. but all i know is the thought of it causes great dread inside me
Laughter is a direct route to the soul. It broadens your perspective, keeps you healthy, and makes an unbearable situation alot easier to deal with.
I told my bf on our first date, i knew i liked him and thought if he runs now then i wont have got too close and if he doesnt i have nothing worse to tell him!! So anyways we were sat down and i said" i've got something to tell you its not something im proud of but i have self harmed before and have scars, i havent done it for x amount of time but i just thought you should know" and said i understand if you dont want to see me again but i had to tell you incase you did and i didnt want to get attached and you find out later....
After i told him, he hugged me and said he likes me and that he wanted to meet again. I also wanted to be open about it so i said ask any questions you have.
Anyways we always talk about it, i threw away my blades with his help 2 months into the relationship.
I had one slip up since we got together after 7 months it split us up but we got back together and are stronger than ever, if i get an urge or trigger i ring him and we talk through it or if we're together he holds my hands and we talk until it passes and i dont do anything.
I would tell him if he runs - hes not worth it and you deserve better and if he stays nothing else will phase him really xxx good luck
p.s my boyfriend kisses my scars too!! at first it was very uncomfortable but it helps me to accept and live with them
My partner found out before we started seeing eachother. We were talking about it recently though and I had asked him what would have happened if I wouldn't have told him and let him find out, and he said that he would have been quite hurt.
My advice would be to tell him. It's best to get everything out in the open and it saves for any awkward moments later on.
How can the light that burned so brightly
Suddenly burn so pale?
Update, because I'm just so excited! And possibly it could help the OP or anyone else here:
Often times, they have mental health conferences which you can register for free if you are a patient or family member of a patient.
I work in a mental health clinic, so I have to go to this conference. My BF agreed to go with me! I thought it was so cool!!!
He also calls my scars battle scars. After a few more times of hanging out, I told him about my mother, and my ex-hubby and my rape, and he completely understood.
"Burn the land and boil the sea, you can't take the sky from me......<3
thank you, i havent been with him for very long, i havent told him yet and he hasnt found out i had other things to tell him first and it was awkward so now im a little reluctant to tell him at the moment. im gunna see if things are good next time i see him and then think about telling him. thank you all for your stories though, its much appreciated x
pleased to hear its going well and depending on the nature of the other stuff he may have an idea or a feeling about it who knows but good luck if/when you tell him xx
I recently started a new relationship but he has been my friend for years so it wasn't awkward or anything and he knows about my self harm and eating issues and has been very supportive but he worries for me and wants to help me get better. Telling someone you've just started dating is hard but if he leaves you because of it he isn't worth it. A guy who really likes and cares for you will stay by your side and be as supportive as possible and just want you to be happy and healthy.
You may be scared to tell him but trust me if he truly cares for you he will stay by your side but you shouldn't tell him until you feel comfortable telling because it is something very personal and hard to explain to others.
“I didn't want to wake up. I was having a much better time asleep.
And that's really sad. It was almost like a reverse nightmare,
like when you wake up from a nightmare you're so relieved.
I woke up into a nightmare.”
― Ned Vizzini
I always love it when I come to this website and read a post from someone who is struggling with the exact same problems that I am. I certainly don't mean that I'm ever glad when someone has a problem, I just mean it's so nice to know that I'm not the only one who goes through this stuff.
Any time I start a new relationship, I find intimacy extremely uncomfortable. Even when they say that the scars don't bother them, I still feel like if I take my clothes off all anyone sees is my scars. It's incredibly distracting.
I think everyone is right, though. Honesty usually is indeed the best policy. Explain the situation as well as you can and answer any questions he has honestly. Nine times out of ten your partner will be understanding and curious, not hurtful or disgusted (like I always think they will be.)
I always say that if someone can't get past the scars and it really is a problem for them, that's not someone I want to be with anyway.
