Please help

[kbeth]

I'm not sure what's going on with me--maybe the holidays and my therapist's vacation are getting to me...I'm having a hard time hanging on. I want to self-medicate and take a lot of OTC or prescription meds. I don't want to kill myself--I just want to stop caring and trying and give myself a break. So far I've held on and haven't given in, but I want to every day. I don't know what to do or how to keep saying no to these urges...I'm tired and I just want to let go.

[Sooty]

You've done so well so far to get through the holidays without the support from your therapist, I'm sure you can continue this until you can see your therapist again. Self medicating is not something that will help. Have you thought about writing down how you're feeling so that you can take it to your therapist and discuss it? Urges are difficult to deal with but I believe you CAN say no. If you're tired, be kind to yourself... let yourself rest and treat yourself.

Sophie.x

[kbeth]

Ty Sooty...
How I feel: aaaaarrrrghhhhh
I think I feel angry? I hate feeling angry. I'd rather feel suicidal than angry, honestly. I don't know what to do with anger. Usually I'd just turn it in on myself and cut myself or starve myself, but I don't do that anymore. So I guess now the anger just festers until I want to drug myself into oblivion to make it stop.
I guess right now I feel angry at everyone: my mom for being crazy and abusive, my dad for staying with her when I was a kid (and leaving her when it was too late for me), my brother for moving to Korea and abandoning me (it feels like), my job for being pointless and stupid, and everyone who's happy (because I'm not happy).

I think I can go to bed without self-medicating now...I guess I'd better hurry, before I change my mind. Thank you for helping :)

[Sooty]

It's okay to feel angry. It's very natural and normal emotion to experience. There is a difference between feeling angry and being angry. Anger is something that manifests itself internally and needs an outlet. Anger is often thought of negatively because it is vented in a scary or unhealthy way. There are plenty of ways to vent anger in a healthy way. Do you know why you hate feeling angry so much?

I hope you get some sleep tonight and things look different in the morning.

Sophie.x

[hidingme]

urges and idealization are one thing planning and doing are another and as long as you dont cross that line then you are doing ok gl