I realize this is probably the dumbest thing
ever and doesn't deserve a post, but if nothing else, it will help me get the thoughts out of my mind.
I thought that I could move back into my dorm (after winter break) tomorrow evening, which is Sunday. But I just found out I actually can't move in until
Monday after noon, as the college is closed in observance of New Year's. I know I should be
happy I get an extra 1/2 day off, since I've been so terribly anxious/scared of going back to school again after 6 weeks off. But instead I burst into tears upon finding this out, and in my head, I'm still mentally crying. It's like, I was all psyched up to just go back and get it over with starting Sunday, but now I have to wait even longer to dive into what I'm so nervous about.
So yes, I know this is pathetic. I'm just so sad and scared, mostly because I never manage to have a spare moment to
breathe during the academic term, and my sleep is never enough. Also, I'm terribly lonely during the night, despite my best efforts to socialize and contact people during the day. So lonely that it usually leads to self harm and thoughts of dying, although I've never taken action on those thoughts yet.
Ok...pointless rant done.
