I'm such a f**k up

[zivalover16]

I'm not doing ok right now and really fighting the urge to hurt myself but it's getting worse and worse by the moment. I'm always known I was a screw up but for some reason today it's really getting to me. I screw up daily and today was no different (or rather yesterday).... I work at my school and the schedule and the way it was done was different this week due to finals....yesterday I left an hour early on accident... I miss read the schedule. The email I got from my boss was nice and everything, she even said she understands the confusion but I feel so stupid. I should have known.... I'm trying to pack to go home tomorrow but no longer have energy to do so... I want to cry for once and have tears in my eyes but my roommate is in the room and I refuse to cry in front of people specially since her mom is coming to pick her up (she's done today). I've gotten one grade back for a class (an A-) and that had me in a good mood until I got the email. Now I just wanna hurt myself... I almost fell on my way back to my dorm and caught myself and am actually pissed at myself for it.

[Stellata]

What do you get out of treating yourself so harshly? What would it mean to actually start being kind and forgiving on yourself?

I understand, as I'm down on myself usually for every even tiny mistake - because I was repeatedly picked on for little things at home, and also because my self esteem is crumbly.

[startingagain]

Is there anyone you could talk to? I know it is hard but try to focus on the fact that your boss is nice and you got a good grade. She understands as everyone makes mistakes.

[zivalover16]

Stellata: thank you for the question, I never thought of that.
Startingagain: I know it's bad but I'm isolating myself... I just can't bring myself to be around people.... My last final in an hour and a half... for now I am attempting to study and pack

[Stellata]

Take one thing at a time and do the best you can..