Feeling helpless and alone

[Mrsnyums]

Hi, I'm pretty new here. I just really want to 'hear' a friendly voice. I hope someone can talk to me.

I'm just feeling so depressed and alone and awful.

I got made redundant in August and then my partner of 4 years told me 2 weeks later that he'd "fallen in love" with someone else. Then I had to move out of our house though I didn't have a job. I've spent all my savings. My parents are dead (I'm 47) and I'm estranged from my brother and sister (for the last 10 years). I have a history of sexual abuse and depression.

Now I am working for a woman who has become a real b**tch to me because I stood up to her about not being paid for seven weeks, having my pay docked for having breaks (not legal) and not giving me a contract (among other things). Her husband bullied me and now every day I go into work for her and I just feel like crying. I have no confidence left and hate myself. I feel like I'm hopeless at my job and I'm so scared that I won't have work in a couple of weeks time.

I don't want to kill myself, but I just feel so miserable. It's like I'm just surviving day by day and I'm getting so tired. I want to just crawl into my bed and stay there but I can't.

[star runner]

That all sounds so horrible, no wonder you are feeling so awful.
Maybe you need to divide and conquer:
first, maybe a trip to the dr would be a good idea. they can look into ways of getting you some emotional support and may recommend some medication.
secondly, your job sounds a nightmare. Could you look into benefits that you might get if you had some time off sick or even left altogether. Try your local citizen's advice bureau or look online for number of benefits agency.
The samaritans are very good if you just need to talk. I hope things get better for you.

[Geranium2]

Hi Mrsnyums,
Sorry to hear you're having such a bad time. If you're prone to depression generally it's not too surprising that a redundancy, a separation and moving house all in the space of a few months would pull you right down. It's a lot to cope with.

I do agree with star runner that you need to start looking for a way to leave this job. That may mean applying for other things, it may mean finding out whether your doctor is prepared to sign you off sick, and looking into benefits as said ^^ (It would be ESA - employment support allowance probably.)

This will probably feel like a lot to deal with, but knowing you are researching the steps towards getting out of a bad situation will hopefully improve your mood some.

Also was there anything that has helped you with your depression in the past, even if only slightly?