Contains Suicide - Could use some hugs and support please
Sorry guys, this is so cheeky of me since I hardly ever post here or anything or give much support.
But I could just really use some hugs and support if that's ok please. Been feeling so emotional and fragile today. Woke up feeling horrible and it hasn't gone, not even a tiny bit.
Went to take a walk down the fields this morning and I would have attempted something if my friend hadn't rang me up and invited me round. Feel so stupid and pathetic for going round to my friend's house instead of going through with it.
I don't want to be here anymore, I feel so worthless and pathetic right now and it just feels as though I'm never going to be happy.
There's not a lot that anyone can say to help I don't think. I'm sorry if that comes across as rude, it isn't meant to. Sorry for wasting everyone's time as well
I'm glad you went to your friends instead. I think it's important to keep yourself distracted when you have these thoughts, which I know is far from easy. Do you have someone you can phone? Are you getting help?
You are not wasting anyones time and you are not worthless or patheic. You are going through a bad time but try to stay strong because things can get better. I feel hipocritical typing this because I often worry that this is forever, but we need to hope and to fight these thoughts. I really hope you can reach out for help and stay safe.xx
I've only got that friend who I saw today that lives in the same town as me. I don't want to be there all the time though because it's not fair on her and like everyone else has from me, she'll be hearing the same things over and over.
I don't even know what's wrong or why I feel like this. I knew it was going to happen sooner or later, there's only so long I can fight it.
I was meant to be going to some group therapy thing but then I got a job and couldn't make it. The thought of telling a load of strangers about my past and stuff makes me feel so uncomfortable anyway. It's not meant to sound like an excuse.
Just seem to annoy people all the time because I'm not getting any help. I don't see the point because every time I've tried to get help I've been let down after like 2 or 3 sessions.
Try again for help. It takes a while and 2 or 3 sessions aren't enough to tell how things will go. I found the first sessions incredibly hard (although this isn't group sessions, never had those) and even triggering. It takes time to get to know the person and for them to get to know you and how to help you, so it is important to stick with it. What about phoning the samaritans? I think you really need to keep talking and seeking help. When you are seeking help, remember YOU ARE NOT ANNOYING ANYONE. It's ok to share your problems and to talk about it. They are trained to listen and to help.Take care.x
They just always seem to give up on me. Something's always happened where they haven't turned up after a few sessions or cancelled it or whatever.
I tried the Samaritans before and they took like 2 days to reply. It just seems like I've got no one to turn to and I don't want to be a burden on anyone. It's just better for me to do this myself. I don't want my friends or anyone to worry about me or get upset when I say I'd rather not be here. I feel like such a hypocrite and I'm sorry for wasting your time.
I will say I understand where you are coming from - and you have seen my thread, so you know I am not talking crap with that one. I will say, there has to be some worth in keeping going and keeping trying.
The Samaritans always take ages to reply to e-mails, they have a large inbox and it takes a lot to sift through them. It is not at all to do with you, or a reflection on your need for help. I think it is worth trying them again, maybe phone them this time, or go and speak to your Dr and ask to try therapy again. They shouldn't be stopping appointments with you, so demand better. You deserve better.
I can't tell you not to go through with the things you are thinking of, that would really make me a hypocrite. I can urge you to try and try again with every other option under the sun and moon first though - Because they have got to be better, and because eventually, they may work, and it will be worth it when they do.
*safe hugs*
Roiben x
If the Human brain were so simple that we could understand it, we would be so simple that we wouldn't.
I don't even know who I should be trying for anymore. As far as my family is concerned I'm pretty much dead to them, I hardly see any of my friends anymore. Hardly even speak to them. I'm just losing everyone that's close to me and means something to me and I don't know why. Maybe it is cos I always seem to have a daily drama and I'm a horrible person even though I don't mean to be.
I can't go back on my meds cos they just mess me up even more which is the last thing I need now that I'm working.
I just want everyone to think I'm fine so I'm not known as the depressed one anymore who whenever I speak to people I'm not putting all my problems on them.
Crying all day though isn't really helping my case
I just don't want to have to depend on a tablet to make me feel better. I did it for 2 years and it just made me feel worse about myself. They work for a while and then I just get tolerant to them.
I know it sounds like I don't want to help myself. But I do. Right now though, I've given up because nothing seems to work.
I've had too much go on in my head lately to do with everything and I've just had enough now.
I agree with Roiben, maybe you could ask about trying a different med. Please go see your Doctor and try again. I can relate to the wanting to seem ok. I hide just how bad it is and it doesn't help me in the slightest. Don't give up. I have been told not to give up by a mh professional and told it is a long process. I think we just have to be patient (yes, when feeling this low it seems impossible), because things can get better, we have to hope and fight for that. Sorry, don't know if that helps.
I wouldn't even know what to say. They're pretty crap there as well, I told them I was coming straight off them a couple of months ago and they just let me. Didn't suggest doing it slowly or anything.
I've been trying for the past 10 years to get better. I'm just tired of fighting. I'm tired of hearing people say that I'm a waste of space and that I'd be better off dead and that they wish I'd never been born. I do enough of that myself.
I can't even drag myself out of bed today but I have to go to work in a few hours. I can't do it. I can't face anyone and pretend to be happy.
I've messed everything up big time. I think I've just managed to get the other half to finish with me, made myself homeless and not have anywhere else to go to or be able to find somewhere else all in the space of half an hour.
So tempted right now, can't even go to A&E cos I'll probably miss work and if it isn't over already it will be if I don't go to work
Yeah, I went in the end. I had no choice really, I was going to ring in sick before I got told that if I did it was over. Don't even know why but whatever. Had a huge argument over it and I said some pretty nasty things but it's fine now. Maybe if I wasn't feeling so crap it wouldn't have been as bad.
What if I do go to A&E? I've never been for anything like this before so I don't know what to expect. If it's going to be the same as when I went before for an overdose where they belittled me pretty much and just seemed to be really judgemental, I'm not sure.
I don't even know how to explain where I'm going and why. No one knows how bad I feel cos I haven't said, I know that nobody here will understand.
I'm not homeless this time, seemed pretty close though. I know I have a friend I can stay with if things get too much between us but I don't want it to come to that because she just can't really afford having me to stay over
