'Positive affirmations'. Do most people like reading nice things about themselves?
In group on Friday they gave us all a piece of paper, asked us to write our name at the top and hand it round the group. There were three sections on it: 'What I like about you', 'What your strengths are' and 'What I appreciate about you' and you were supposed to hand it round the group and everyone had to write something about everyone else and then when we were given them back then we were supposed to read them out to the group. I freaked. I was quite happy to write positive things about the other people but the thought of them writing anything 'nice' about me made me freak. I genuinely thought I was going to throw up and started shaking. I spoke out and said I could not do it and then burst into tears.
'Homework' for this week is to add to those lists (I don't have any because I could not make myself hand mine round) and stand in front of the mirror every day and read the lists out to ourselves. I don't look in the mirror apart from my the sun blocker/mirror thing in my car. And I can't write positive things. It is wrong, I'm wrong, I don't even know the exact thought or reason behind it but it literally makes me want to throw up and tear my arms apart.
Does anyone else have this problem? Does anyone have any suggestions of either how to explain how strongly I feel about this to my social worker/the group psychologist? Or how I could make it possible at all?
Thanks. I am trying with group, we are on week nine of the twenty week programme. I really don't know how to do this stupid homework. I know it is about building self esteem and encouraging you to think positively but it is wrong for me to try and do that .
I'm really sorry I don't have any good advice, I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone, as I am currently struggling with this problem too. I'm pretty sure it's common for people with low self-esteem to have trouble saying and accepting good things about themselves, and with that, naturally, comes physical symptoms associated with bad emotions. I also find it nearly impossible to tell myself and believe I am a good person, and I often find myself crying and feeling sick just thinking about it, so I can definately relate. I know how hard it can be.
I'm really very sorry that I don't have any advice right now, I just wanted to say you're most definately not alone in this, and I can empathise. <3
EDIT: Do you think you could say to, or write a letter to the social worker/group psychologist explaining what you have said here? They are professionals, and should understand and not judge you. Perhaps they could help explore the reasons why you feel this way? :) It's very important to find the root cause of the feelings, then once you've tackled this, it becomes a lot easier to think more positively about yourself. :)
Take care *Hugs* x
~ Holly :)
Last edited by Eccentrics : 11-12-2011 at 12:26 AM.
Reason: Adding.
i personally, struggle to accept compliments, its different online for some reason, but in real life, cant cope.
im sure others in the group feel the same, i have had to do this several times before, and it is difficult. but therapy is difficult sometimes.
you could explain to the team how you feel about it, they might be able to give you a bit of extra support.
i also want to say that i am really proud that you havnt just given up on this, some people would.
its not wrong at all hun. not at all.
xx
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
the reason that you are asked to do this is likely because you, and probably others in the group have such a hard time. avoiding it isn't going to help you get better.
this is my magical medicine cabinet. Left to right they contain: courage, hope, calmness, and strength.
The magical part: They NEVER run out, so borrow some any time you want.
I did speak to one or two group members afterwards but whilst they acknowledged it was a challenge, they seemed to find writing positives (and vocalised this) and the fear what they said may upset people as the main problem. My social worker is vaguely aware of how I feel because she called me afterwards. She said she will come up with something so I can do this task but she seems to think this can be addressed in a single appointment. I will speak to her properly about it but it is still kind of hard, hence why I was asking advice rather than 'avoiding is not helpful' style obvious comments.
Thanks Rowie, Scarlet and Eccentrics for trying to be empathic x
Last edited by Pomegranate : 11-12-2011 at 05:18 AM.
I am also considering writing a letter to social worker about what is going on. This is not a lshort term thing and it was suggested in the last few weeks that my self harm and self defacing thoughts are also part of my anankistic pd traits (also not the ones this group is supposed to be trying to help). I'm not sure I agree but I am going to try and talk a little more openly with social worker. I have also asked a close friend for their opinion and suggestions of getting round it although again, I am not sure how much they 'get' where I am coming from but I figured it was worth a try. The fact she was also finding it difficult was why I made this thread.
I should maybe also add that I am not deemed 'suitable' for individual therapy at the moment (or in the last three years) because of 'risk' due to my self harm so simply requesting individual therapy is not possible, hence why I was asking for suggestions. Thanks again to those who offered support or suggestions.
I also "get" how this could feel difficult. It's an exercise that on a good day would make me cringe and on a bad day I'd be in tears over -sounds that for you it's even more intense.
Try and keep in perspective that it is only one element of the course. They won't expect every single person to benefit from every single exercise. If you have a go and it doesn't work for you - fair enough.
Can you try and tone it down/modify so that you are having a go but it feels more manageable?Probably scrap the mirror bit and just read them in your head. And maybe if you resolve to write something down, but not make yourself share it with the others it will be easier.
Would it help to phrase it as "I am competant at xyz", or "On a good day I am xyz", "I have been told that I am xyz"?
Hope this isn't too painful but I would say from seeing some of your posts that you can write coherently, you care about other people, and you are determined even when things are a struggle. Could you accept any of those?
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