Something that has started to bother me is people saying unpleasant things about other users at meets. It does state that the standard RYL rules also apply to RYL meets so maybe people need reminding of this fact. If you wouldn't want someone talking about you like that when you weren't present then don't talk about anyone else that way. If you have to talk, a meet is not the time or the place for this kind of discussion. I find it also spoils a meet for me, I feel awkward when people gossip about people behind their backs.
Has anyone else noticed this kind of behaviour at meets?
What could be done?
Honestly....I dont think anything can be done, certainly not from an enforcing rules point of view. People bitch and always will.....its a really common occurance and a way of gauges peoples opinions on people.
Im curious, what do you think would help?x
There are times to stay put, and what you want will come to you.
But there are times to go out into the world and find such a thing for yourself.
I aint no abacus but you can count on me.
I think it would depend on what was being said as to whether it would cross the line and that might be where the sponsor should perhaps step in?
Since this website has brought the people together it is inevitable that it will be talked about, and since the members are such an integral part of it all, they will also be talked about. And that won't always be in a positive light. However, it's still possible to be civil whilst saying something negative.
I find this really sad. It is human nature and it does happen, but it's horrible. There's nothing anyone can do apart from try and have a bit more thought for others and a bit more integrity, to be honest. I feel quite strongly about this one.
I think it would depend on what was being said as to whether it would cross the line and that might be where the sponsor should perhaps step in?
Its bad enough having to ask people not to bitch about others in chat through the computer!I really would hate someone to get that sort of backlash in real life.x
There are times to stay put, and what you want will come to you.
But there are times to go out into the world and find such a thing for yourself.
I aint no abacus but you can count on me.
I don't think this is something the mods can or should try to handle at all. I think this is just something people need to deal with the same way they would deal with it in any other situation. This post could be one way of dealing with it, as people who are guilty of gossiping or speaking negatively of others at meets might see it. You could gently confront the people who are gossiping when you start to hear it at a meet by letting them know it makes you uncomfortable. You could change the subject to something so wonderfully, magically, and brilliantly interesting that they will forget who or what they were talking about and just want to listen to you and partake in this new wonderful, magical, and brilliant conversation.
I think it's hard to say what needs to be done. I think people just forget that the same rules apply at meets, a real life situation. I think it'd be more acceptable if you aren't picking specific users out. I understand not every gets on. I think there is certainly a role for meet sponsors of stepping in, before personal digs are made, but have never seen it happen, and sometimes the sponsor is involved in the bitching. I think then it's just as much my responsibilty to say something, but I can never remember the exact wording, and I think this is probably true of any regular meet goers. I think maybe a condensed form of the rules should be put at the start of every meet thread, the rules that are available are good at covering everything, but a mission to read through, maybe key points could be picked out to form a set of more concise rules, with a link to the full rules also provided.
Its bad enough having to ask people not to bitch about others in chat through the computer!I really would hate someone to get that sort of backlash in real life.x
It's not perfect, and of course it does somewhat rely on the sponsor not being the one doing the bitching! But don't sponsors have to let you guys know if something happened at a meet that crossed the line? Been ages since I read the rules on that though.
It would really depend on what was being said. If it was "Yeah, I don't really like Claire, she has nothing positive to say" that's not bad, but if it becomes "she's such a ****ing bitch and she should just **** off and die" and it is clearly making others uncomfortable, then someone should say something. Even if it is after the event.
We can't stop folk bitching (and why would we, it's great for the soul!), but if it crosses a line (which is obviously subjective) and someone feels able to say something, then they should. I'd probably go along the "that's a bit harsh... *changes subject*". I don't think it necessarily needs to become mod action (I'm all for people sorting out their own problems), but is a meet really the place to be airing your woes with folk?
In my opinion, if we all tried a little bit to be grown-up, life would be better for all of us. A meet is a real-life situation, and you can't exactly multi-quote or forward a PM if someone's saying nasty things about someone. If someone was saying mean/untrue things about a member at a meet and I was offended, I would imagine a conversation to go as following:
Other people at the meet: Goddd, Claire is such a bitch, I heard she had sex with a sheep. I wish I could give her a slap.
Me: dudes, that's a bit harsh, I'm friends with Claire, and she's really nice, and I know for a fact that she hasn't had sex with sheep
Other people: geez sorry, I'm sure she's nice really. *awkward silence*
*conversation moves onto something less controversial*
People bitch about other people. It happens. We move on. You can't expect the little bubble of RYL where you're protected from nasty people and their expression of freedom of speech to follow you everywhere. By attending a meet you're leaving the safe confines of your computer and taking risks Out In The Real World.
In my opinion, if we all tried a little bit to be grown-up, life would be better for all of us. A meet is a real-life situation, and you can't exactly multi-quote or forward a PM if someone's saying nasty things about someone. If someone was saying mean/untrue things about a member at a meet and I was offended, I would imagine a conversation to go as following:
Other people at the meet: Goddd, Claire is such a bitch, I heard she had sex with a sheep. I wish I could give her a slap.
Me: dudes, that's a bit harsh, I'm friends with Claire, and she's really nice, and I know for a fact that she hasn't had sex with sheep
Other people: geez sorry, I'm sure she's nice really. *awkward silence*
*conversation moves onto something less controversial*
People bitch about other people. It happens. We move on. You can't expect the little bubble of RYL where you're protected from nasty people and their expression of freedom of speech to follow you everywhere. By attending a meet you're leaving the safe confines of your computer and taking risks Out In The Real World.
Pretty much this. Your example made me laugh, by the way >.>
I'm not implying we should be running to the mods to get them to "tell them off". I hope that it will a) make people at meets think before bitching, and b)Help me to feel more confident about doing something about it at meets.
I think that if people are bitching about members that they've never met in RL then it doesn't really stand for much anyway, as they don't have a realistic picture of that person to bitch about in the first place. Only posts. I guess that could only cause a problem if the person being bitched about then chose to attend a meet for the first time, where everyone had been given a false impression of them by the people talking nastily about them before. It'd hinder their getting on with anyone and make them feel left out etc.
I also think it would be nice if there was a smaller version of rules as stated earlier, that came into effect for meets too. To stop others feeling uncomfortable like what's happened.
I'm not really into the meet-up side of RYL, but still thought these points were worth mentioning :)
Stop thinking about what I want, what he wants, what your parents want. What do you want?
There are times to stay put, and what you want will come to you.
But there are times to go out into the world and find such a thing for yourself.
I aint no abacus but you can count on me.
But if we cut it down then it wont be clear cut enough,theres a reason why theyre that wordy. Plus I dont think that this should be in the rules so its kind of irrelevant.
There are times to stay put, and what you want will come to you.
But there are times to go out into the world and find such a thing for yourself.
I aint no abacus but you can count on me.
Surely the fact that flaming is forbidden as a rule and sanctioned on the forum would transfer across to meets as a rule against nastiness and bitching about other members. I've always thought that rules are constructed out of a general philosophy, and allowing nastiness at meets about others but not on the forum seems a bit contradictory.
Stop thinking about what I want, what he wants, what your parents want. What do you want?
Surely the fact that flaming is forbidden as a rule and sanctioned on the forum would transfer across to meets as a rule against nastiness and bitching about other members. I've always thought that rules are constructed out of a general philosophy, and allowing nastiness at meets about others but not on the forum seems a bit contradictory.
I dont think flaming can really be stopped at a meet, even if there was a rule about it. Because what classes as flaming?And who should be responsible for it...because I dont think it should be the meet sponsors responsibility to police that.
I dont think were allowing nastiness necessarily, but I think its the responsibility of those who are being bitchy or whatever to knock it on the head. There are some rules you can only apply to the forum, such as when ive been at meets people have mentioned weights/clothes sizes/drugs and all manner of other things that really cant be policed in my opinion.
Basically, if youre being a bitch at a meet maybe think about how it makes you look/makes people feel, or if its making you (universally) upset then you either have to decide to say something or just put up with it. Thats all I can see as the outcome really!
There are times to stay put, and what you want will come to you.
But there are times to go out into the world and find such a thing for yourself.
I aint no abacus but you can count on me.
Well I think he already explained that he wanted to post this so people would think, and so he'd feel more confident. That's the outcome he's looking for anyway.
Other people at the meet: Goddd, Claire is such a bitch, I heard she had sex with a sheep. I wish I could give her a slap.
Me: dudes, that's a bit harsh, I'm friends with Claire, and she's really nice, and I know for a fact that she hasn't had sex with sheep
Other people: geez sorry, I'm sure she's nice really. *awkward silence*
*conversation moves onto something less controversial*
This made me laugh. Now does it relate to any particular Claire? *gets paranoid*
Last edited by ChocolateMarvel : 11-12-2011 at 04:33 AM.
Reason: Me=Dim
