Venomous hatred.

[Aubergine]

I hate schizoaffective disorder. I hate it. I can't say the words out loud because I so want it not to be. But it is. And I hate it. Bit by bit it's wrecking my life. No job, no study, no friends, fewer family ties. I had prospects. I was, according to lecturers, "going places". And I was, until it took over and stole my brain. It's "manageable" they say. Well, screw manageable; I want a cure. I don't want to have to wake up every morning to face another failure of a day. I don't want the memories of detentions and hospitals. I don't want the dreams. I want a clear head. I swear I used to have one.

I'm well aware that I'm wallowing. There are people far worse off, I know. People far, far worse off. I hate that I hate what I have. That I can't get over myself and be content. Fool.

[Fry]

I used to be diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder: bipolar type and it caused me to be ill from age 12-24 (though it wasn't officially diagnosed till I was an adult.)

I'm 26 now and feel I've completely recovered from all MH problems. Against all the odds that the psychiatrists used to tell me about.
Just thought it was worth saying this so that you don't lose hope in getting better and getting your life back.

I never thought there was a chance of things getting better when I was ill either. You will be content again, and you definitely definitely aren't a fool.