I don't come here very often anymore. I never thought that would happen but it did. Some of you may remember me. Some of you may remember my husband John. He committed suicide in one of the messiest ways he could - by cutting his femoral artery. He wanted to leave a big mess and ruin everybody's holidays. We hadn't been together for over 5 years but his deluded family still blames me. His son published something on facebook about psychopaths - implicating that I am one and caused their fathers death. Really hurt after all the times I stopped him from killing himself and how hard I worked to keep him on his meds. Just had to get that out.
It's been a long time since I've seen anything from you here, and what a horrible horrible thing to bring you back. I don't read these forums much anymore, but I remember you very well. I remember a man you were with who used to post here sometimes. He was schizophrenic if I remember correctly. I don't know if that was your husband, but regardless, words cannot describe how awful that is. I think it would be best for you to NOT read anything his son or other members of his family have to say. They are grieving and angry. They can't express their anger towards him so it's possible you are just a substitute. I am so sorry this happened. I hope you can find peace soon.
I am so sorry to hear what you have been through. Try to remember that his family are hurt right now, and as much as they are going about placing the blame and anger in the wrong place, it is caused by the loss of a member of their family in a way they probably can't comprehend.
It may be wise to steer away from them until they are more able to see sense, and focus instead on looking after yourself. I think I remember you, but I am really bad with names and my memory is a bit pants, so can't be sure. If you are who I remember, you are the opposite of a psychopath and did so so much to try to help your husband. Please hold on to that, and try to remember the love you had for each other, and the good times you had inbetween.
I know there is nothing I can say that will help, but I hope that by chatting a little here, it will help you to remember that you are a great person and to not allow harsh words to knock you down too far.
*safe hugs*
Roiben x
If the Human brain were so simple that we could understand it, we would be so simple that we wouldn't.
Oh, my lovely Rose..you did more than anyone could, repeatedly. He was a sad, angry, mixed up man who you spent so long trying to fix/help. It was beyond anything you could do, I hope you know that. Really hope.
The family is angry...yes, i get that, but they do not know the ins and outs of what your life was like with him, what he put you thru, yet you were there.
I hope you can walk away knowing you did all you could, that it was done for spite in some ways...but IT ISNT YOUR FAULT...it was HIS choice in the end, it really was.
God, wish i could just hug you.
Love ya sis, so very, very much.
always
Thank you everyone - yes you did help. This is just so hard for me. It has been five years since we split up and I am in another relationship now but this is such s huge blow. They just wouldn't listen - 'Dad is not sick' they would yell - 'We don't want to hear this crap' I am so angry at them for not taking care of him. At the end of our relationship he hated me and it was time for it to end. But I didn't wish him dead - quite the opposite, I hoped he would find peace and at least some happiness. Now his granddaughters will have no grandfather and the holiday season is ruined for them. My son, who called him dad for 24 years is also being blamed by them and threatened should he try to go to the funeral. He is devastated by this. My exes life may be at peace now but he has passed on his pain and misery to everyone else.
Gah. Assholes. And i'm sorry... but he's an asshole too to do that to everyone. I'm so sorry you're copping so much **** from them. People never fail to amaze me in how much **** they can cause. But, you can get through this darlin. I don't have much ideas on how to get through it. Block the asswipe on facebook. Block them all! That way they can't see anything you write and you can pretend they don't exist! It's awesome. I'm sorry the holidays are so painful for you :( Also, if it continues, call the police and get a restraining order against them. What they're doing is harrassment!
*sending massive cuddles*
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
Gah. Assholes. And i'm sorry... but he's an asshole too to do that to everyone.
I'm not sure "asshole" is the term I would use for someone who has committed suicide to end their suffering. No, it is not nice to leave people behind, but the actions of his family do not make him an "asshole" it reflects purely on them.
Roiben x
If the Human brain were so simple that we could understand it, we would be so simple that we wouldn't.
I'm sorry I have to say i don't really agree. Ending your life in such a messy way at this time of year, implies a level of... "**** you" thinking. It's even more cruel to the people you left behind.
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
Sorry, roben, have to agree witgbh Jess. This was done deliberatly to upset ppl the very most possible, whixch is utter ****.
Rose babe..i so wish i could be there, justy to give you a giant hug.
love ya
xx
You are right he did do this to cause pain, horror and to ruin others holidays. It is one thing when you can bear the pain no more and you mistakenly think your ending it all will actually be of help to those who love you. For instance someone who goes off somewhere. But to do this at home, where he lived with his son and daughter (who were gone for some days at the time) and to create what he knew would be a gory, shocking mess. I do feel for him. He became too violent to be a part of my life anymore - he broke my toe - and I tried more than once to tell his family but they just would not listen. They refused to admit he was mentally ill and needed meds. They wouldn't believe he needed watching. They just absolutely refused to believe he had ever threatened suicide -- which he had so many times I lost count. Many's the time I talked to him for hours to stop him.
The blind eye people turn on people who need help sometimes amazes me. But honey, you did what you could. Which was all you could do! If they keep harrassing you and your son, please inform the police. Also, if you can't attend the funeral, that's okay. Funerals are a way to say goodbye. And you can have a a small little ceremony just you and your son if you wanted to. You can say goodbye anywhere. *cuddles* I hope you're holding up okay.
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
