I'm in the UK and I feel like **** at the moment. I went to the doctor feeling really low again, not knowing what to do, and she doubled my Prozac. I am not on 40mg, but it's not helping at all. I've been on the upped dose almost two weeks now, and if anything I feel worse, not better.
I feel so so low, I don't want to sleep, I don't want to go out, and I don't want to function. I have been forcing myself into College, because I know if i curl up in bed and refuse to go out I won't feel better, but, I'm not feeling any better having done these things. But I dont feel better at all.
I seem to spend most of my time wanting to cry, trying to keep a panic attack at bay, or just plain miserable. Ofcourse I have some moments where I have a smile, force myself to try and relax a bit and laugh with my friends, but I just feel alone and it's just tiring to try all the time. I feel like I'm dragging people around me down, that i'm just this grumpy miserable person that they'd rather not be with.
I'm 17, and this has been going on, on and off four years. In September I was discharged from my counsellor, and I did feel better. A lot better. But its just so bad at the moment. Last night I spent well over an hour researching how much of my prozac I'd have to take to kill myself. I don't think I'd actually ever try such a thing, but I can't stop thinking about it at tthe moment. I couldn't do that to my family, but it doesn't stop me thinking about it.
One thing i'm proud of, is that I haven't cut. That's a big thing for me, when I get like this it's usually the first thing I turn to. I do feel like it's only a matter of time before it becomes my coping mechanism again.
What I want to know is, if I admit myself to a psychiatric ward, am I then automatically under section, or can I leave when I feel better? I'm terrified of hospitals, since I was admitted to a medical hospital last year with a heart condition. I was only in for a week, and it was one of the worst weeks of my life and that's saying something. I've never happily gone near a hospital again, and I have panic attacks and feel awful when I have too. So when I think 'Maybe I should hand over care to someone else in hospital' I kinda think '**** maybe I should be listening to my own mind.' I've been reading a story about a psychiatric ward, and they seem to get all the help they need, and can be focused on getting better instead of lifey things. I am aware it's a story, but it's conditions are very accurate and clarified by a therapist. It makes me think that maybe it's the best place for me at the moment.
My mum doesn't think I'm bad enough to have even upped my dose of Prozac, and blames my lack of sleep for all of how I am feeling. She gets frustrated and doesn't know what to say, but the bottom line is she doesn't think i'm ill again. So I just feel like if I say I feel really bad and am thinking about hospital, she will just call me an attention seeker and say I'm being melodramatic. Its hard to know if I'm making the right thought processes if she is convinced that I am fine, and doesn't back me with an open mind.
If I voluntary put myself in hospital, will I be able to leave is the main thing. I have a real fear of being out of control, so as long as I knew i could leave if i felt better, and asn't trapped, I would be okay. Surely its better for me to be somewhere where I can be looked after, hand over responsibility and just get better for once instead of just crawling up a bit and falling back a lot. somewhere my medication can be changed around and monitored so it's actually RIGHT for once.
In the UK it's not as simple as admitting yourself. Usually they won't put people in hospital because they ask - it's a very last resort.
Well done for not cutting and I'm sorry you're feeling so bad, but hospital isn't necessarily the best thing for you. Could you talk to your mum about how badly you're doing and explain to her that you need her support, not her criticism? Also, I think you should go back to your GP and see what they can suggest. It may be that you can get some more counselling sorted out. It sounds like that was beneficial - what was it you feel was most useful?
Is there a tutor at college you could talk to? Academic stress can have a big impact on mood and sleep patterns.
Hospital really isn't a delight. I don't know about adolescent wards, but adult wards are boring, with very little activity during the day. You would also be around some very ill people, which isn't really helpful for feeling better. It's used as a last resort to keep people safe from themselves, other people safe from them and to care for people when they are unable to care for themselves. It's no picnic, I wouldn't advise painting it as some magic fix in your head, because that's not realistic.
So I'm currently in hospital and as Amy says it's used as a last resort. I am a voluntary patient but in the past when I have discharged myself the threat of a section has been raised so I stayed put. I was only allowed to leave when they considered I was well enough to and I no longer met the criteria for being sectioned.
Personally my view is if you don't currently meet that criteria they won't admit you as there is a real shortage of beds and a lot of very ill people needing them.
Depression on a psych ward is such an oddity because in so many ways your completely normal and day in day out your dealing with your fellow patients who are acutely psychotic e.g. today one of the patients brought a knife on to the ward which caused a lot of upset and stress in part as he had to be restrained but also because other patients got involved so the ward can go from being a very calm place to complete hell in seconds and all you as a depressed patient want is silence and to be alone.
There are benefits to being in here primarily for me it's being safe, I can't hurt myself and whilst I still think about it, the option is taken away. I guess I can talk to the nurses but frequently they are busy and rushed of there feet and yeah.
As to what happens on a psych ward the answer is very little! Breakfast is at 8, lunch at 12, tea at 6 and meds at ten and thats about it!!! There isn't the money for therapy and to be honest it wouldn't do much good for 75% on here who need medication and so on.
As I say though if you feel it's something you need talk to your Dr and see what they think? It certainly sounds as though you are struggling and more input would not be a bad thing whatever that input is.
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Is a chocolate muffin loving glitter ball
hospitals nothing to be scared of. i remember being terified on my way over but i met loads of lovely people. as far as i can tell in the uk you reallu have to shout to be heard about admittance, it took a while till i finally got taken in. you can pretty much suggest to the psych that you feel well enough again to leave - the beds are always in demand.
I don't know what to do now, i've spoken to mum and she says she doesn't think i should be hospitalized, but because she thinks i'm fine. I don't WANT to be hospitalized, I'd hate it but part ot me just feels that if i could be monitored and ust hand my control over to them for a bit, and sort out meds. I have a heart condition so my GP won't pput me on a lot of meds that would probably help more than prozac, and if i was in hospital i feel that they may try them and see if they work, what with medical care available straight away if something did go wrongw ith my heart. I just want this fixed yo uknow? I'm so tired. so so tired.
No, you are unlikely to be sectioned. They can section you if you are an immediate risk to yourself or others or are unable to be competent enough to take care of yourself.
I really do suggest going back to your GP.
The one thing that does concern me is you wanting to hand over responsibility for yourself. This may sound mean but that isn't my intent. When we are ill it is natural to want someone to take care of you, but with mental health it is imperative to be able to care for yourself. It is one thing to be unable to care for yourself but whilst you are still able to, I urge you to continue taking responsibility for yourself. It is very easy to become accostomed to being taken care of and when that happens the battle to recover is twice as hard.
It sounds like you are really struggling, so do go and discuss everything with your GP and see what support is available to you. I hope things can be resolved with as few disruptions to your life as possible.
I'd really, really advise against hospital. It's not a good environment unless you're at immediate risk of harming yourself. You need to learn how to manage your emotions and symptoms in society, not in a hospital setting.
I really think you need to see your gp and ask for some input from the community mental health team.
No, you are unlikely to be sectioned. They can section you if you are an immediate risk to yourself or others or are unable to be competent enough to take care of yourself.
I really do suggest going back to your GP.
The one thing that does concern me is you wanting to hand over responsibility for yourself. This may sound mean but that isn't my intent. When we are ill it is natural to want someone to take care of you, but with mental health it is imperative to be able to care for yourself. It is one thing to be unable to care for yourself but whilst you are still able to, I urge you to continue taking responsibility for yourself. It is very easy to become accostomed to being taken care of and when that happens the battle to recover is twice as hard.
It sounds like you are really struggling, so do go and discuss everything with your GP and see what support is available to you. I hope things can be resolved with as few disruptions to your life as possible.
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Originally Posted by MeaCulpa
^That.
I'd really, really advise against hospital. It's not a good environment unless you're at immediate risk of harming yourself. You need to learn how to manage your emotions and symptoms in society, not in a hospital setting.
I really think you need to see your gp and ask for some input from the community mental health team.
<3
Both of these. I understand the temptation to want to hand over control I really and truly do, all of these thoughts and feelings you described, I remember them so well, but believe my psychiatric wards while they do serve a purpose and can be helpful short term for some I would avoid one if you can possibly cope without. I was in one for only a short period of time 5 years ago and I still crave that feeling of safety which can really **** with your head. Particularly at the beginning when I left it took immense self control not to do something to put myself back in there. It's like a bubble, which would be fine, but you have to rejoin the real world, and if you've been away from it that is bloody hard. Stay out if you can is my advice.
Oh and stop reading those sort of stories for now I would advise, not forever, but just so they don't keep encouraging this paradigm you seem to have of psych wards as the only solution.
'Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.'
['There is only one thing we say to death. Not today'.']
'We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell. Oscar Wilde
Its hard to dance with the devil on your back. Sydney Carter
It always amazes me how much freedom you all over seas have while being hospitalized. There is no internet here in the USA while you are hospitalized and you have phone hours. I know here you can't leave the ward unless you are discharged by your doctor. If you chose to leave on your own against the doctors will you can no longer receive services from them in the future. Yes when you are depressed you want to be alone but if it is extreme enough there can be psychosis. it is no picnic and have been hospitalized against my will several times and I am still in a horrible place. I don't mean to discourage you but like someone else said its great to think you would get your meds straight for once but I have yet had that happen for me. I've tried so many meds but with such horrible side effects have ended up not being able to take any. I am in a worse spot now than I was 5 years ago. I wish you the best of luck and please see your doctor sooner and don't give up. Hang in there!
it does depend which hospital and what kind of hospital as to whether you get phone and internet in the uk, some places you cant even keep your toothbrush, shampoo etc and it has to be locked away.
and i definatley agree with Jodie, its better to learn to cope with feelings in the community, rather than just going into hospital, because then it will become the first resort in the future.
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
thank you guys these have really really helped in my decisions. I have finally managed to air it out with my mum, and she's gonna take me to the GP for my check up tomorrow, and wait in the waiting room. We had a really long talk about it and we agreed that i should try to stay out of hospital, and start doing something a little bit mind numbing, as a distraction, so I've started building model planes. So far it's really helping me, but i have still had meltdowns and horrid thoughts. i'm gonna talk to my doctor about them tomorrow and see if i can get a different antidepressant, a higher dose of the one im on, or adult counselling.
I think you have made the right decision and I'm really proud of you for that. IP really, truely is a last result. It is nowhere near the scene set by stories you read on the internet, whilst foreign centres may offer therapy/med treatment etc, NHS hospitals only take you basically when you are borderline sectionable. Every time I have been admitted it has been made very clear that if I did not go voluntarily then I would be sectioned. Staying out of hospital is really the best bet. There are more intensive treatment options in the hospital that would benefit you more long term than an IP stay. The distractions may not work totally with the thoughts/feelings but if they work at all then they are worth continuing. I hope your drs appointment goes ok tomorrow but remember any med change may take a few weeks to take effect. Adult counselling may also be helpful. 16-18yr olds are in this weird position where they are inbetween adult and child services and that can make this situation more difficult. Even if the GP cannot recommend anywhere there are usually charitable organisations in most areas that can offer short term help if you research them.
I'm glad you've aired it out with your mum and I hope the appointment goes ok today. I'm basically reiterating what Pomegranate has said. The distractions are good and I hope you can continue using them.
The med change/up will take time to work, so please don't lose heart when things don't change straight away. Being 17 and trying to get treatment is difficult because it's the age where they start the move from child to adult services. Depending on when you turn 18 they may just send you to the adult services. All else failing, connexions offer a counselling service for young people, so that would be worth looking into.
My Dr said much the same about being 17, She said Rannoch can't take me back becuase i'm over sixteen and have left their books, but because i'm not 18 the CCF will probably be funny about taking me into adult counselling. She suggested, that I talk to my college's support team, because they will have the best services for counselling for 16-18 year olds. I have an appointment with the support worker tomorrow, and they will then decide whether an internal counsellor or external is appropriate.
I dont think i can get counselling through connexions any more, becuas ei dont think they have any offices around anymore. They were shut down by the government as far as i know, but i do still get calls from them as i think they're still affliated with the job centre, but i don't think i can get counselling through them any more. So long as CCF will take me under 18, i can go there, they means test patients and you only pay what you can afford. I don't earn anything, i'm a student, so hopefully i won't have to pay much at all, if anything.
I'm glad the Dr listened to you. I'm not sure what the CFF are? I'm assuming they're not on the NHS, because that should be a free service. I hope they take you, though the college support may be free and easier - if you get it internally you wouldn't have to worry about getting to appointments as they would be on campus.
Maybe try ringing connexions, depending on how things go just to inquire. It may be that even though they don't have offices, they still have certain services available. I hope things work out for you.
