Is self harm ever ok?

[confuzed]

Why if my gp says it's just superficial ( the worst I've ever done needed butterfly stitches) is it so wrong? why can't I use it as a survival technique so that I look normal to those around me? I'm reapply struggling after a physio talked about it being so wrong yesterday. I work in a school where we have children who are on the edges of self harm where I genuinely tell them it's not the best thing to start doing. Obviously I don't say cos it's so damn hard to stop or that I've been there. I do feel like a hypocrite doing it especially if I have recently cut. They never see my scars as I have always been secretive but I've been cutting off and on for 17 years. So why can't I be left alone to carry on!

[PaperKlip]

I think it is okay so long as it doesn't impact on your quality of life.
I think everyone tries to stop us because they don't understand it and she it as an abnormality.

[tifflehan]

I ask myself this question so many times. For me, it helps me to survive, to live. I dont cut to end if that makes sense.

[confuzed]

That makes loads of sense. Thanks

[HildaOgden]

my cpn says it's ok for me to self harm as long as i am safe when i do it. she recognises that it's a coping mechanism for me and that a lot of the time i do it is to stop me from doing anything more serious (like attempt suicide).
hope this helps.
take care,
xxx

[roiben]

I think this very much depends on how you look at it. In many ways, self-harm as a coping mechanism can be seen as a flawed one, much like drinking alcohol, it is an addiction as much as it is a coping mechanism and so it always runs the risk of not being enough, and needing to be gradually worse to get the same effect (relief, release etc.) as opposed to what are considered more "normal" coping mechanisms which do not have the same addictive element to them.

However, as others have said, taken from the viewpoint of sh versus suicidal activities, sh is seen as the lesser evil, and so is not considered as harmful. I fit into the later category for example, where I sh at times when it is that or worse things like od.

Roiben x

[jenjens79]

I agree with Roiben in a lot of ways. I've been told by my care-coordinator that if I need to do it given that cr#ppy unexpected life events keep happening while I'm trying to rercover, its not 'ok' but its understandable and even acceptable (in that no-one's going to literally drag me off kicking and screaming for doing it until it gets bad again) but to try and steer away from the areas I tend to harm as it could result in a fatal injury. Now this is very very different to what my psychologist, psychiatrist say.

In DBT therapy, its seen as a 'behaviour' which while not punishable, you are urged to acknowledge as a coping mechanism that could be replaced with a non-self-harm related one. This makes sense to me, although when in my own company and only using my own judgement I find it hard to step back and choose another path, especially now I'm out of inpatient therapy and a load of awful stuff has happened this year which I wasnt prepared for. Its better, waaayyy better than it was, but I still fall back on the self-harm when I feel my head is going to explode and feel totally trapped. And while I'm doing it, I'm dreading the feeling of adrenaline I anticipate as that makes it ok. and helps. but I know the pain it causes to my family and fiance if they find out I've done it.

I don't think its ok. It serves a purpose and can help relieve the pressure, but its not ok, its not healthy and its something I really really wish I didnt even think of doing when I'm desperate and personally I find the guilt really bad even when I manage to hide what I've done. But it is kind of the same as when people abuse alcohol or drus - its doing things that relieve the pressure in the moment but that we know aren't really ok. That's my feelings anyway, but then I am the queen of guilt xxx

xxx

[ScarlettAngel]

I have been told for years that I should stop self harming, and so I tried. Again and again. But everytime I went a few months without cutting, I ended up turning to drugs or something else even worse anyway.
I eventually stopped seeing self harm as the problem, but as my solution. I needed to sort out the reasons why I felt I needed to do it before I could even think about stopping it.
So, no. I dont think self harm is all that bad if you know you need it at the time. Long term it is not healthy, but if you are just using it to help calm yourself whilst working through your other issues, I think that is perfectly fine.

[Niniane]

I have also been told all the time that self-harm is wrong and that I shouldn't do it because it's not right.

The way I see it, is that I have the right to do what I want with my body, that it's my problem and not the one of everyone else.
I also see it as a coping mechanism, and that people telling me to stop aren't experiencing what I'm going through, so they don't really have the input to tell me what to do. And they're not always there to help me when I need it, so they should not comment on my self-harm. It's my way to deal with things.

But, you, how do you see it ? Do you think it's wrong to self-harm ?

[jenjens79]

I self-harmed last night after things got hugely on top of me and I'd yelled at my partner and decided to sleep alone on the sofa. I had to call him in about 2 hours later because I couldn't hold the wound together enough for it not to gape when I taped it because of the blood. He knows about my SH but he was so upset. And I can't even envisage my mum noticing when I'm with her this week, it would be galling for her. And she's recovering from cancer. It's my body and gave me some immediate relief but it's hurting people close to me and in my books that's not ok. It would be ok if it just involves the person who's doing it but usually it affects other people too and I hate that!

[Voldemort]

I wouldn't say that self harm is 'wrong' but I don't think it's ok. As a coping mechanism it is very damaging. I can understand why people see it as 'better' than acting on suicidal ideas, but it doesn't change those ideas. Realistically it just keeps postponing the thoughts - you'll still have to face them eventually.

Self harm doesn't actually solve anything, it makes them more complicated. On top of trying to deal with your issues you also have a poorly thought out behaviour to deal with. It isn't sustainable. It goes against basic human instinct - how is that a remotely good or ok thing? You're actively ignoring the survival instinct in order to survive. That's bad maths.

There are other techniques, other mechanisms to deal with things. I'm not saying they work as effectively or the same way but they can be learnt. Nothing is ever going to take self harm out of your life. It will always be there, regardless of whether you have urges or manage to leave it behind.

No, it's not really ok. I'm not saying that to be critical - obviously I have a history of it as well, but I don't think it's ok. (I'm 18mths mostly free after 12 years of it. I'd go back to it if I could, so I do understand the struggle).

[finding.my.wings]

Im saying yes it is too, For me SH is the lesser or 3 evils and runs a far less risk of death then either ed or od. I think most professionals within the mental health serives understand that it is a coping mechanism and though they do not agree its still somewhat ok.

[Batmansx_xTeddy]

I am not sure what to think really. In the past when I self harmed it was because of my feelings and how depressed I was and I just couldn't see any other way to deal with it and I just wanted to hurt myself because it was easier to deal with than everything else in my life but after stopping for two years and now that I have started again I do it for different reasons. I only self harm sometimes now but it started again because of my eating issues. When I eat something even if it is just a few baked chips or a small sandwich I end up punishing myself by self harming. My main problem has become the eating issues I have been having the last few months which lead into my self harming again. It has become really just a huge mess but honestly I don't think self harm is ok sure it is the lesser or two evils like someone already mentioned but in the end self harm ends up making you feel ashamed and you have to hide it. If self harm was okay I doubt we would feel the need to hide it and feel ashamed or guilty about it. We need to learn better ways to cope with things but I realize that it is so hard and what scares me about self harm is that what if I accidentally go to deep or I started cutting deeper and deeper. Self harm is a source of fear and shame and weakness for me personally and that for me is not okay.