I am new here and i'm looking for information that can help me with this:
I have been cutting off and on since i was 6 years old. with in the last few months i have been trying to stop. but i have found out that i have been having times where i know what i do before i find i have cut and i know the after but i don't remember actually cutting. is there any one out there like me? how do i deal with this???
Hi krissy, I have heard of what you're talking about; I think it's called "Blackout cutting". I don't know how one handles it since I honestly don't know how it happens to people in the first place but I think that's something you might want to talk with a professional about because as far as I'm concerned it involves the subconscious and I think a professional therapist or psychiatrist would be able to offer more help to deal with something like this.
Yowzers that's ridiculous for them to not be able to get you in until mid Jan. Have you tried exercising? Sometimes a good workout can make you tired enough that your stress level or urges drop enough and you don't cut. You might also try writing your fears, emotions down on paper or on the computer so that it's off your mind a bit and that might help. I would think it'd be similar for black out cutting since it might give your subconscious less to work with as far as stress and stuff goes. I've been doing some online searches for black out cutting and for once there isn't very much available to grab onto in order to help get you through this. I hope someone who's been through it also will be posting here to give you better ideas.
this isn't my only problem either, i am very cross addicted as well but im working on 60 days clean and sober.... and my sponsor is like me. i have to check in twice a day with him and let him know how i am doing... thats helping a bit but the other day i had a black out and cut again.... i hate this ... i want to stop .... i want to be normal.... i have tried so many things to stop but i just cant .....
Congratulations on the 60 day mark; that's very encouraging for you. I know what you mean about wanting to be normal; I think that goes for a lot of ppl in this forum; it's one thing to cut when you're aware but when you aren't aware of what you're doing to yourself that's got to be scary as hell.
Hugely well done on the 60 day mark, that is a massive achievement, but I understand how it can feel as close now as ever to the start, maybe ever closer.
In a case like this, proper reference and a medical checkup is a necessity, as there are a number of things which could potentially be causing this that you couldn't be expected to control on your own. Until Jan (crazy long time I'm not impressed) you won't know, so in the mean time all I can say is release as much as you can here on RYL and elsewhere, try to minimise the urges as much as possible, and see if that has any effect.
Don't be on your own until you get seen. It's clear that you must be (consciously or unconsciously) holding a great deal of things inside, and that might well be partly, or entirely to blame for these episodes.
As I say, you can't know for certain until you get referred, but you won't even get any clear answers from a normal doctors appointment, so I wouldn't wait and expect yourself to be okay just coping. Talk, release, let some frustrations out and share some thoughts - it can be amazing what a difference it can make sometimes.
my dr has me on efxor and that is not doing anything and she is the one that got me an apt with a shrink but its not till jan. i think i need something sooner but i dont know where to even start looking . i told the shrinks office my issue and they cant fit me in any sooner
Hey Krissy, sorry if I spelled that wrong. I know exactly what your talking about. If you know what you do before and after cutting, write that down. More specifically before. Memorize what you do almost exactly. This is how my dr taught me to avoid it. When I'm falling into that pattern, then force yourself to walk away. Do you have a safe person? Like someone you can tell when you feel like your going to cut, or feeling really bad? If so, call them, text them, IM them, PM them, it doesn't matter. Send them a message or tell them in person within an hour I would say, of what happened. If your in school still, go to your counselor. Your counselor can get you into a doctor/therapist sooner. For now, wear a rubber band on your wrist. Snap the rubber band lightly also when you fall into the routine before cutting. It creates the pain w/o an actual cut.
I know because I've been like this for well since the end of 3rd grade, and I'm now a senior in highschool
How does it feel, knowing your barely alive
See through bloodshot eyes, your left empty inside
There I was, strung out and drug through the mud
I must agree, you're just like me.
And when you die,I won't be at your wake
No eulogy from me,Just a smile on my face
And while God might be busy,With judging your soul
I will have slept with the girl,that you loved most!
~FALLING in REVERSE
i will try that but i am a freshman in college, (online classes) and im 33 years old, i dodnt know how i stopped it last time years ago nor do i know why it has started back up but i will try the rubber band thing and see if that helps. it hasn't happened in 3 days so i hope that i can be a good sign.
