I don't really know what I'm posting for. I'm really confused. I was discharged from being inpatient 6 weeks ago. While I was in, the doctor changed all my meds. Initially they had no effect but once increased they really started to work.
By the time I was discharged I felt fantastic. I was content and confident that I was finally getting better. For the first two or three weeks I felt fantastic, but then for some reason I stopped feeling so good. And then I started getting urges to self harm. I haven't actually done this, but I am really finding it hard.
I left RYL about a year ago because I was using the site as a replacment to talking to professionals. I have loads of support now, almost too much, but I engage with them fully.
I guess what the problem is is that everyone is expecting me to be well now, and not to be struggling again so soon after discharge. I am afraid to admit to people I'm struggling.
I don't know what to do.
I am also struggling with suicidal thoughts but I don't know who to tell, because I am supposedly happy right now, and in many ways I am.
I don't know what is happening. Someone suggested I've become "immune" to my antidepressants.
I also have a feeling I've not felt before, which I can't put a name to. It's a bit like anxiety, I get butterflies in my stomach and my heart races, but everything races in my head too. I talk none stop and even when I have noone to talk to. I can't control what comes out of my mouth and I am brutally honest and upsetting people. I am also being really bossy, without meaning to. I am quite irritable with this feeling, and it lasts a few hours, and then I feel really tearful.
I don't like it. I spoke to my CPN and she said I might be doing too much, and to slow down.
Anyway, I don't know what the point of this post was, maybe it should be in ranting and venting?
I think maybe at first when the meds started working, you felt so much better and you felt such relief. But I think now the meds have stabilized you and you may no longer feel the first effects of them as strongly but I think they are probably still working.
There are many other things we have to do than depend on just meds. They are just to help us get to where we can function to do other things to help ourselves.
Give yourself a break and feel the feelings....don't try to hide them, I think that will cause much more stress.
Thanks. I can see what you're saying, but I don't think the antidepressents are working so well anymore.
I know it's not just about meds, and I've been doing all the things I'm supposed to. I've been doing lots of constructive stuff and I've been looking after myself. And I've stuck to my daily "challenge" of doing one nice thing for someone everyday.
I feel like **** tonight. For some reason all I can think about is suicide. I don't really understand why.
My boyfriend keeps asking me what has been the trigger to my mood. He says I seem very on edge and tense.
My ocd is out of control at the moment, which indicates to me that something is not right.
I've tried slowing down, I just think about things more.
I'm afraid to ask for help, people are expecting me to be ok.
I don't understand this at all.
Meh!
Hey, I understand completely what you are going through. The racing thoughts, suicide thoughts, the lot. I guess with me I have come to the conclusion that even on my meds I will have bad patches, ya know times when I want to harm and I hate the world etc. I have to ride it out cos thats all it is, a patch. Just because people EXPECT us to be fine, doesnt mean we can be all the time. I'm so sick of my hubby telling me my meds dont work just cos I'm having a rough few days or something. They wont make me 100% I have to realise that. (I have bipolar 2) And like you, I can be happy, but feel ****, and it's very hard to understand why. I guess for me, I have to say stuff what people expect, if you feel a certain way, then thats how you feel, and if you want to ask for help, then ask away.
As for the slowing down, do you do any hobbies or stuff? I found that making things, or painting helps me to slow down whilst being busy at the same time.
Sorry, I seem to have rambled!
SERENITY is my RYL mum.
SOLO is my RYL auntie.
SEFKA is my RYL daughter.
DAYS GONE BYE is my RYL sister.
JEFFERSON.MERIWETHER is my RYL son.
OLINESS is my RYL son.
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