Unsure if this was emotional abuse?

brackish · 14-10-2011, 08:26 PM

I remember for two years after my parents divorced they refused to speak directly to each other. The result was that from the ages of 9 to 11 I was used as a messenger between them. I remember many days being on the phone with one parent in the room screaming a message at me for the other parent and having the other parent screaming back another message through the receiver. I also remember when I finally took a stand about this and refused to be the messenger boy anymore, my father decided it would be in my best interest to leave the country and find a job overseas. How he thought that would help me, I have no clue.

I'm wondering if I'm overreacting about this or if this was emotional abuse. Although my parents claimed I was always an unhappy child, this was around the time that I started having issues with depression. I guess I'm trying to figure out the reasons why I'm so messed up.

tay_tay_6884 · 15-10-2011, 09:06 PM

That sounds hard to go through as a child, and I think it could be classed as some form of emotional abuse, though I don't think it was intentional as you agree. Maybe you could speak to your parents about it? or a therapist?

troubleshooter · 16-10-2011, 11:02 PM

That can be considered emotional abuse, but it's sort of on the border. Whatever you call it, it's wrong, and I'm sure it was traumatizing.

when.will.it.end · 17-10-2011, 12:43 AM

Yes that was abuse. They were using you in a way they shouldn't. I'm pleased you managed to say you didn't want to do it anymore. A lot of abuse isn't 'intentional' but it's still wrong.

brackish · 18-10-2011, 10:14 PM

Thanks for the responses. I've tried speaking to them about it before. They always seem to claim that I'm "guilt tripping" them whenever I point out any mistake they made. So I've kinda given up talking to them on the issue.

when.will.it.end · 23-10-2011, 10:29 PM

^ that is also a form of abuse :/

Do you have any other support? I was emotionally abused by my Dad and talking to him about it didn't make any difference. I hope you're parents do listen and take you seriously but you should get other support if you can too.

brackish · 24-10-2011, 12:38 AM

I have a few friends that I talk to about it. It helps sometimes.

Whenever I'm criticized by my parents now I noticed I have a tendency to go ballistic. In addition to the things I wrote about above, they were hypercritical about everything I did for most of my life. They always seemed to dwell on my mistakes and throw them in my face. If I got a good grade, they congratulated me for a day. If I got a bad grade, I heard about it for years. I think its funny that they think they have the right to talk to me about guilt tripping.

Popple · 24-10-2011, 02:50 PM

Maybe the reason they claim you are 'guilt tripping' them is because they know what happened was wrong? Break ups are messy and they were wrong to force you to be in the middle of that and it can be really hard to face up to the mistakes you have made so they could just be avoiding them. I know it is hard for you to deal with and you shouldn't have had to but try to remember that when people are emotional they don't always think about other people even their own children and the damage they could be doing.

Have you thought about talking to someone other than your friends, a professional? Sometimes it helps to be able to talk things through with someone objective.

brackish · 25-10-2011, 10:18 PM

I'm probably going to find a therapist I can talk to about it. I think its one of the reasons I am the way I am now