Enjoying upsetting people...

Casper_Fading · 06-10-2011, 11:59 AM

How do people do it? Get a kick out of other people's pain. And when it's family? Guess what! I don't need reminding that I'm failing at life. I'm smart. I'm qualified. Yet the thought of going back to work makes me want to throw up. Talked it over with other people and when I'm having breakdowns of the level where I'm almost in hospital, work isn't an option... But does that make me feel like less of a failure? No. Had a huge fall out with my sister and fought with my mum over it a few months ago. It's sorted and things are good with them both. But tonight? My younger brother decides to be an ass. And whilst I am better at shaking of pain caused by outside people... Family... Not so much. So right now I want to curl up with a knife again. And I'm kinda scaring myself. Cause unlike last time I have blades in the house this time. And they do so much more damage then a blade. So much more. How do I shake it off? How do I tell myself that the fact my brother is an asshole should mean nothing to me... How? Cause I want to hurt myself. And I dont want to stop.

Rain Keeper · 06-10-2011, 02:11 PM

You put them down because you are stronger than this. Your brother is being a ****. Take a stroll and toss the blades. Jess, find someone to be with. This is something you can overcome. Surround yourself so you can't have the opportunity to cut.

Remind yourself that you ARE LOVED. You are stronger than this emotion right now. Step away, please.

Love,
Rain

pea soup · 06-10-2011, 03:56 PM

Jess,

Your brother IS being an ass and you know thats all it is. Get rid of the blades. You're already hurting, don't hurt yourself anymore. I know family can be the absolute hardest to deal with. Stay away from the ones that hurt you.

GET RID OF THE BLADES JESS.

I love you.
xxxxxxxxx

Casper_Fading · 06-10-2011, 11:38 PM

Thanks guys. Mat is here today so won't harm. I have counseling in a bit and will talk to her. :)

Pomegranate · 07-10-2011, 12:01 AM

Proud of you Jess :) Some people can be totally dicks when it comes to understanding and empathising with problems MI can cause. If you know you are doing your best to work with support and try and get better then screw what he thinks. Some people are just born to be a*s holes!

Have you thought about doing a couple of hours volunteering or something a week thought to try and get you back into the swing of doing a more regular activity?

Casper_Fading · 07-10-2011, 02:26 AM

Yeah I have thought about it. Supposed to be starting as a literacy tutor at some point.