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Contains illicit drugs - problems after binging on MDMA
I'm gonna first of start by saying I like MDMA(ecstasy)....I would even go so far to say as I love it. All bar 1 experience Iv'e had with it have been extremely pleasurable. Nothing has ever made me so happy, so honest, made me feel such a connection with other people, made me so creative, so loving, so kind, so generous...the list is endless. I am well aware of the dangers, mainly mental, the crash, suicide tuesday etc. I am also aware that one can "lose the magic" by using it too much. Therefore I always made a point to using it sparingly. I can say for certain that I have done it exactly six times....4 of those times only taking one pill, 2 times double dropping and the other time taking 4.
I've only ever taken two types of pills...1 type was called Mercs and the other Blue Lacostes. Where I live ecstasy tends to be very high quality and all the pills I have gotten have tested positive to MDMA, the mercs also containing MDEA and caffeine, the Blue Lacostes being very very pure.
Two weeks ago on a friday after a hard depressing week...I decided that I would treat myself and get loved up that night. I went to my usual supplier and asked for my usual mercs. He told me that he was out of mercs but that he had new pills called Blue Lacostes that were much better and purer. Almost completely pure he claimed. I decided to buy four to stock up and only take two this weekend. I went to my friends house and had them tested and he found they were indeed very pure.
After leaving my friends I decided to drop 1 pill on the bus to see my friend. I had not had a chance to eat anything that day and i started to come up in roughly 20 minutes. The come up was smooth and in no time I was rolling harder than I ever have. The euphoria and love buzz were intense. I spend an amazing couple of hours enjoying the company of my friend and listening to music.
Then I went home. I got into bed and put on some music. After maybe another hour I realised that I was coming down and with no desire to try and sleep I decided to take another pill. When the next one hit me it was very very intense. I was rolling harder than I thought possible, my jaw was going crazy and I was visually hallucinating mildly. My concentration and train of thought was very messed up. I couldn't seem to complete any task...as simple as putting on another album. I felt extremely hyped up also. I also felt a strong urge to take more. Which I stupidly did. I dont remember much but I remember breaking a pill in half, snorting 1 half and chewing the other.....after this I dont really remember anything except talking to people who now I realise were not there. I dont remember taking the last pill and but the next day I realised I had.
When I awoke the next morning I felt HORRIBLE. Really really horrible. For the next few days I couldnt do anything. I felt retarded basically. Over the following week I regained my basic mental function but felt increasingly depressed and detached. I kept, and still am, having strange moments of insanity with audio and visual hallucinations. My mood is constantly swinging. I've been horrible to people around me with sudden and reasonless outbursts of anger. My head feels light and dizzy. I've been having weird sudden sharp pains in my head and arms. I cant sleep. I can hardly eat. I feel sick. I cant focus on anything. My eyes are all messed up and blurry.
I am really worried that I have caused some sort of brain damage. I feel semi ok right now cause I smoked a joint. The only thing that seems to be helping. The hallucinations and all the other things wont go away and its been two weeks.
What can I do? I've also been having reoccuring suicidal thoughts since the experience. This aint good.
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