All i seem to want to do at the moment is die, I cant seem to get the concept of death out of my head. 1000's of pills and vodka downed, painless, and this emotional mental pain will stop. I don't belong here, my life is one big regret because it is full of them, all i do is make mistakes and make bad decisions, i'm not worthy to be loved, i'm ugly, i'm fat, i'm useless, i'm worthless, i'm hopeless, i'm broken, i'm damaged goods, i should burn.
Mod Edit:
EmmyLoves is really struggling right now guys, Please can we show her as much support as we can to help her through this difficult time.
Last edited by [Purple_Rain] : 27-09-2011 at 09:24 AM.
Reason: removed rulebreaking
we've all been there, standing at the edge. Pills in one hand vodka in the other. It was only by chance i'm still here. And now, now am glad i was saved. Dont get me wrong life isnt easy, its damn hard and each day is a struggle. but its getting slowly better.
i dont know you or have talked to you, but i care. is there anything that can change your mind? anything at all? even if its just the smallest of things x x
i dont know you or have talked to you, but i care. is there anything that can change your mind? anything at all? even if its just the smallest of things x x
Nothing what so ever can change my mind, my minds already made and i've never been more serious in my whole life.
I don't think you want to die, this thread shows you're trying to reach out. Pleas, please call a helpline, call 999, get yourself to hospital. Keep reaching out <3
Hey, I know things look really tough right now but they are not going to be like this forever. As terrible as you feel about yourself those feelings can change. When I see you (assuming that's you in your profile pic there) I don't see someone who is fat or ugly, I see a beautiful young lady who it would be a shame for the world to lose.
Howcome you want to die? Do you want to die or do you just want the pain to stop?
I just had a look through your fashion blog too from your signature. I really like it :) It would be a shame for such a greater writer and creative person (they offer suffer the most, don't they?) to go so young. Maybe you can reach out for help in real life as well as by posting on here?
Can you tell someone how you're feeling? Maybe call a doctor or a helpline?
Hey, I know things look really tough right now but they are not going to be like this forever. As terrible as you feel about yourself those feelings can change. When I see you (assuming that's you in your profile pic there) I don't see someone who is fat or ugly, I see a beautiful young lady who it would be a shame for the world to lose.
^ I totally agree, I care and I really don't want to lose you either. <3
I think Snow White is right - what you want is for the pain to stop, right? You want to feel relief from all the pain you're experiencing? Because you may not feel pain if you're dead, but you can't feel relief either. You can't feel anything. I want you to live to feel better, and I know it can happen.
Please call a suicide hotline before you do anything. Look at Chezio - things do get better no matter how bleak they seem right now.
Please stay with us. You're very much loved. I love you. <3
"It's not a dream anymore. It's worth fighting for."
"Well, if it's not real you can't hold it in your hands
You can't feel it with your heart
And I won't believe it.
But if it's true
You can see it with your eyes
Oh, even in the dark
And that's where I want to be, yeah" - Paramore
I can honestly say that as someone with a treatment resistant form of depression, I have been there - staring over the edge wanting it all to stop. I have a fair few pretty darn good attempts under my belt now (by which I mean I have nearly succeeded).
One thing I can say, to be honest as I can be, is that taking all those pills is not painless, or tidy. It is horrible and nasty and your body will do its utmost to reject them, whether you want it to or not.
It sounds like you want some emotional and physical pain to stop, and I understand that. I can only urge you to seek out every single other way first. Speak to us here, what is it that is hurting? Speak to your Dr and care team, speak to anyone and everyone if it will help - and eventually, it will.
I know it is tiring to fight these things, and there are bound to be times when we all feel worn thin and want a break. That is part of why we have places like this forum though. So that others can help us through those moments.
As Snow White says, you are honestly not as bad as you feel you are right now. Your illness is telling you all these negative things, but they are not true at all. You are an intelligent, very beautiful person and I see that from you here, and on your blog. We are here to remind you of that and help you banish the negative thoughts to the darker corners again. I know that is easier said than done, but we are going to be here, however long it takes. Every step of the way.
Please, don't give up. Keep reaching out for the help that you have begun asking for by making this thread. Speak to us here, and to your care team and the professionals. We can all help you through this.
Roiben x
If the Human brain were so simple that we could understand it, we would be so simple that we wouldn't.
