That I'm having a miscarriage, and if I am, I'll become really depressed again... I don't know who I can talk to
I know nothing about this pregnancy, apart from my HcG levels shot through the roof in 24 hours and I have more blood tests tomorrow and an ultrasound on friday... If we make it that far.. If it sticks, I don't know how far along I am, can't be much, surely?? If I loose it, it might be my last chance at having another baby.. I'm trying not to panick, trying to stay calm but every half hour I'm off to the toilet to see what the bleeding is like... its been there all day, light but noticable, and now.. I'm cramping.. Such a mess inside.. *sob*
Last edited by WastedSoul : 19-09-2011 at 10:36 AM.
Reason: more details...
I'm sorry your're having a tough time of it right now *hug*
There is nothing you can do i'm afraid until you get the blood test results and the ultrasound. Try not to worry, I know that seems impossible right now, try to think positive, worrying will only make things worse.
Is there anything you can do to distract yourself?
If you get very concerned or the cramping/bleeding gets worse ring NHS Direct or go to A&E. xx
Push will get a person almost anywhere except through a door marked “pull".
I went for the blood tests today, I got there and found the place had shut at 1pm. Didn't have it in me to drive to the next place listed on the back of the form, so I'll go tomorrow... *sigh* everythings pretty much still the same apart from bleeding a little bit more.. but nothing like my last m/c..
distraction today was sleep.. i dropped my girl to school, got home slept... piked her up went for tests wala, closed... back home again and considering another very long nap..
thanks for the hugs fellas =( i love ur rabbits poppet.. they're awesome..
I took 90 mgs of codiene followed by a bourbon and coke.. probably going to be followed by a cone...
i'm numb inside... i told my partner i think i'm miscarrying.. all he said was oh ok... hell why did i even bother telling him i was pregnant in the first place... he didnt want it... i dont think i want to be in a relationship with him anymore... hes an asshole that knows how to cut me deep...
i want to cut myself deeply... as deeply as i'm hurting inside..
its been a month... why not.. no one cares.. i dont care... i couldnt give a flying **** anymore..
the codiene and bourbon is starting to make me feel fuzzy..
ive stolen this whole thread to keep to myself, to tell people who dont know me, whats going on and my every secret feeling..
why? why am i sharing this with people that arent even involved in my life... because ive no one in real life? i dont know... i hate myself
Oh hun, i'm so sorry things have gotton this bad **hug**
Do you have any close family members or friends you could talk to?
Please don't take anymore tablets or alcohol, what if the baby is fine, think of the damage you're doing to it.
I'm sorry your partner isn't being very supportive, maybe he is worried too but doesn't know what to say. Can you try talking to him again? Tell him how much this is worrying you.
Try and get the blood test done asap this morning, the sooner the better.
It's good to confide in people you don't know, it's a way of telling people how you feel and getting things off your chest without the fear of them knowing you.
Stay strong xx
Push will get a person almost anywhere except through a door marked “pull".
i refuse to confide anything else to that man. *raw panic* the baby is gone... i can tell by the way inbetween my legs feels when i'm walking, sitting, coughing.. how much i'm bleeding... theres no way my baby *it aches to call it my baby* is still there...
life goes on... blood test tomorrow and results of what i know on thursday.. unless they drag me back to the hospital when they get the results..
all this mess started in the hospital.. because i was having a 'flare up' of COMPLEX OVARIAN CYSTS for fuk sakes, COMPLEX?! what the fuk does complex mean assholes?!
they make no sense, these people that rush around the wards trying to understand the patients there... women.. yes.. i guess we must be rather complex.. but if i hadnt of been there in all that pain getting treatment they wouldnt have found the pregnancy and this would be another period.. an easy period... it hurts because of that.. i have periods that are more painful then this.... if i had made it for my first surgery i wouldn't be in this place...
i should have put it out of my mind. not thought about it. i should have forgotten and not worried. i was stupid to imagine a crib in the corner or my girl holding her new sibling or feeling that.. *new* love... that comes with a baby.. thinking about the interrupted nights, early mornings.. the pregnancy stages, the birth, the bonding, the... everything... the tears of pride with the mile stones.. the thought of having a boy.. became.. my fantasy i guess.. and its been shattered.. maybe its my fault for not being more accepting of it when i first found out.. maybe i shoudnt have freaked out.. maybe i shouldnt of had the pain medication they prescribed? maybe i should have stayed there instead of insisting i was fine to be discharged? maybe i shouldnt have had sex the night after i was discharged...
maybe i never shouldve made that life changing decision 2 years ago.. then i wouldnt be here...
I am so sorry to hear you are feeling this way at the moment. As much as it hurts, I think getting the blood results will help to give you the support you need going forwards.
My advice for you right now would be to avoid alcohol, as it is a depressant and wont help in making you feel any better in the long run. I also think that seeking out support and counselling via a Sexual Health or Bereavement Centre is a good idea right now. The people at the clinic where you have the blood test should be able to point you in the right direction for this.
Most importantly, you have every right to post here on this board. You are going through something incredibly painful right now and this board is here for exactly that - support for each other. Please, keep posting here. There are people here who will do their best to help you. Even if all they may be able to give is a hug.
Be gentle with yourself.
Roiben x
If the Human brain were so simple that we could understand it, we would be so simple that we wouldn't.
the nurse rang today wondering where my blood results are... so ive dragged myself out of bed, into the shower and now its off to the hospital to hear what i already know... i dont want to do this.. i hate myself
i did it. well, i went for the blood tests. i can't do the hospital today. it was hard enough at the medical center taking my daughter in for a ear ache, i panicked walking down the hall... i'm changing medical centers, i can stand those money loving rude incomptent assholes they are...
scan tomorrow.. scared.. to hear what i already know..
great, just made my daughter cry.... probably just as well i miscarried, im a horrible mother anyway.
i passed something that resembles an umbilical cord.. so i'm off to dive into google to find out if thats even possible.. just incase.. i dont know why just incase... maybe the more information the more i understand the easier it feels.. sigh
cried alot, got out of clinic at 11:15ish.. got there at eight.. sat in a room of heavily pregnant women and 2 sisters with a young tot each waiting for the doctor til i told them i was leaving..
sore... really sore.. theyve foubd another cyst, this one is the biggest yet and has been aggravated by the pushing of the ultra sound thing.. if BIL turns up im going to hospital, morphine would work a treat right now, body and soul.. i havent felt this drained in a long time.. and sick..
im hcg level went up to 200, i wonder if its enough to start pregnancy syptoms..
i think we're going to try again
i wish i could get the image of that... tissue... out my head..
not looking forward to the usual saturday visitors though.
this place is addicting. ive sat here pretty much all morning, reading threads, posting where i felt driven to and watching everyone in the housework while i sit perched on the bed with my laptop..
so i'm going to go and... tidy up a room i suppose..
