Two Q's. (Updated-on Quetipine(sp?) now too- experiences please? I'm sorry!)
1. Has anyone been on Citalopram before? (Been on it for a month now, at 10mg, been increased today to 20mg) If so, how did you find it?
2. I've began group therapy for BPD, has anyone else been to group therapy before and if so, how they found that too?
It's so anxiety provoking, and some members of the group are actually... well, they are really show-offy for starters - about negative things they've done ie; being violent to their partner, being abusive, things like that that are something I personally would not share in the group esp the first time attending, and something I wouldn't even want to share!,
Also saying "oh I was abused all my childhood, my mother was in and out of hospital all the time!" - I just don't quite understand why someone would "brag" about it as such, and also say it in the first place to complete strangers?!
A few seem quite manic-y and talking talking talking and interrupting and going off topic and I'm just sitting at the end chair all quiet and timid and thinking "wow", lol, but yeah, I do get that people with BPD can be manic, I am too sometimes but I just, I dunno, tis a very new experience.
I also feel like because I'm the youngest("baby of the group"), that I'm not really taken seriously... or that my input(when I actually feel able to talk) isn't as valid, yno?
Blah anyway! Thank you for any feedback!
EDIT;
I'm now on Venlafaxine 37.5mg twice a day, sorry to ask again, but has anyone been on it before & if so how they found it? (Sorry I'm asking again for something else...)
EDIT AGAIN;
Bloody hell. I'm also now on Quetipine(sp?) 100mg, pretty please can I have some experiences with that? I'm so sorry! Again. Sorry!!! :(
I've been on Citalopram since April, I was first put on 10mg to 20mg and now I'm on 40mg and I would say they've helped especially with the suicidal thoughts. Unfortunately for me I've noticed they make me incredibly apathetic, but of course, they can effect everybody differently.
Oh and when I first started I temporary lost my ability to cry, which was very odd.
I can't give you any information on the group as the only group I've been involved in was just a general women's group for women with mental health problems. I found it a good atmosphere, I did eventually disclose my reasons for being there and briefly mentioned my history but only after being there a little while. I think sometimes, I know I do this anyway, people can reel off tragic life stories like public announcements, with no real emotional connection. Just like you're reading a shopping list, 'this happened, then this, then that'. Was it anything like that?
I was on citalopram and found it to be ineffective but I've been described as treatment resistive so that might have something to do with it. I hope you have good experiences with it though.
I used to be on 20mg and it made me really agressive and worse pretty much
and i do group DBT for bpd im too the youngest in the group and i was scared people would see me as the baby, but they dont as the weeks have gone on they have treat me like an adlut. At first i was terified of speaking in front of them all, all they seemed to do is bragg about there kids and how shitts they where. But casue ive been doing it for like 18 weeks you realise its becasue there upset so they turn it into a joke, or in there case bragg about it so people will laff it off with them. I was so scared at first but my ycolgist was telling me to stick in there and im glad i did ive become really good freinds with some of them in there. How long you been going for?
Heaven's not a place that you go when you die
It's that moment in life when you actually feel alive
So live for the moment
i was meant to be on Citalopram for a min of 6 months but came off it after 2. I was started on 10 and up'd to 20 after a week then dropped back to 10 after 1month because it made me really, really tired. To the point where I missed almost a month of college because I was like a zombie. It gave me vivid dreams and if i was late taking it or didn't take it at all for a day I had verbal diarrhea. If i missed more than 2, i broke down and s/h'd badly.
I can also only answer number 1 - I was on Citalopram for about 2 months - was on 10mg then 20mg then upped to 40mg but it wasn't making any difference to the suicidal thoughts etc but just made me quite violent and angry a lot of the time.
I am meant to be starting DBT soon and that has group sessions - I'm terrified but hope it helps.
Thank you everyone so much for your feedback and responses.
I'm sorry you've had bad experiences with Citalopram to those who have, I hope it will be effective for me and I hope you guys find something that works for you, too. =/ Quite fed up with pillspillspills though, y'no?! I already take 3 other types of medication (painkillers for a seperate thing) and I'm on Diazepam too, just wish I could find something that will be effective and helpful and not have to keep switching with pills - be amazing if I could just have one magic pill, haha!
To answer Beths question; they do it with emotion , but they do kind of just talk as if it's the norm and like it's a good thing in a way, like bragging or showing off about it, I guess they're used to it? I dunno. It's hard to explain. Next time I'll record it ;p I kid.
To answer the question from ironholly; I've only been to one session, have another one tomorrow, they run for an hour and tomorrow we're focusing on the possible causes I think!, this one is for 4 weeks as it's an introduction to BPD to gain knowledge, then there is a 20 week one called "steps" if I remember right for BPD too but much more dedication needed as it is more long term, and from what I gather,it looks at things people commonly struggle with in BPD and we look at it specifically every week - 2 hours sessions. We will have breaks too. And there is a session in the evenings too for anyone who is involved with your case so CPNs for example, or parents, family members, etc, to gain knowledge themselves about BPD.
I understand the making it less serious come to think of it - I guess we all have our ways of coping and some people joke, some brag, some are avoidant, etc.
You're not allowed to form friendships or relationships though, which I get. Kinda makes it hard to open myself up to the group though! It is anyway, but it's not as if I can form friendships with them, kinda strangers... just very anxiety provoking and scary having group therapy at all!
Regarding the Citalopram, I don't feel any better mentally. In fact, I've felt worse... I guess I'll see how the 20mg goes and go back to my GP if there is no change or I feel worse and see what he will do ie; increase it more or change yet again.
I thank you for your support, advice and feedback on both Q's, you're all amazing, thank you so so much.
xx
I can appreciate that switching pills so much can be tough, I was like that before I found a combination that worked for me.
Yeah I guess it can be a way of dealing with talking about hard things to brag about them, I make stupid inappropriate jokes when I'm struggling with talking about things, although I am trying to avoid doing that.
I know what you mean about not forming friendships and how it makes it harder to open up. I'm on a waiting list to start a four year group therapy course, involving DBT, it's a therapeutic community and we'd be discouraged from making friendships and seeing other members outside of group sessions.
I've been advised when I start to stick with it and keep trying, and you'd adjust to it after time and it'll not seem so hard to open up.
I hope the rest of your sessions and the steps program go well and benefit you, and I hope the medication gets sorted soon, I can understand it must be very frustrating to have to keep changing.
It's anoying always having to switch them, but you will be glad in the end when you find one that really works. Mine is for like 20 odd weeks and where on week 17 atm they run for 3 hours. All i can say is stick with it becasue at the end if it hasnt helped you can say for defonet, if you drop out you cant, and it probly will help as its famous for it shall i say ahah
Heaven's not a place that you go when you die
It's that moment in life when you actually feel alive
So live for the moment
Thank you both so very much. I will def. stick with it and I will try my hardest. Lots of love and luck to you both as well in your own difficulties.
xxx
I hope the medication and group helps you. I've done both, and in my gruop we also couldn't form friendships so it did seem tough to 'open up' at first but it got easier, and there was a reduced sense of having to 'please' people and make friends which I liked. The therapist kept saying at the beginning 'you're not here to make friends, you're here to learn and help yourself' and that's the best focus.
Regarding Citalopram, it was the first medication I went on and I found it really helpful :) I found for me personally there were little side effects and it's probably been up there with my favourite medications of all the ones I have been on. If you find you continue to feel worse I agree going back is a good idea, and don't hesitate to do so either.
I found group was a really helpful experience. I see a lot of similarities between our experiences - I was the youngest, and some patients did/said things that kindof shocked me as to "why" you'd say that. But then I took that as a bit of a sign of my wellness. Like, these people are bragging about bad things, but you don't do that yourself, so in a sense take it as one of your strengths (I hope that makes sense).
Group also gave me somewhere to be, people to talk to, and to know if I needed someone group was always there at one point.
I suggest if you're finding what other people saying overwhelming or too confronting, to speak to the person taking the group about it. They might be able to reduce it a bit (in my group, we were not allowed to talk about specific self harming behaviours or drug use etc).
I guess some people are more open than me and are used to group therapy so they jump right into it, as well as that, they may even feel everything in their past is who they are and all that is made up of them, so they just talk about negative things in a braggy/show off way.
Though yesterday in group, she did seem more emotional about it... as did others. In fact, a girl who is very friendly to me started crying due to the topic of the session(possible causes, brought up bad memories like abuse/neglect etc) so I hugged her and told her it's okay, we had a lil chat on way out and told her not to do anything stupid and she said me either, I wish wish wishhh we could be friends outside of group but I can't, it's the rules. :( Just felt so awful for her. She must have gone through something very bad.
Find it quite selfish no one else comforted her or talked to her about it to share with the group to get off her chest, though... ;/
With citalopram, I see my GP tomorrow at 4:30pm about it, because I've been feeling suicidal more than usual and my cutting has been worse than usual, too. Just feels like it's not making things better. But I don't know what else I can go on. Anti psychotics helped a lot, but caused weight gain. I've never been on mood stablizers, but I don't know if anything would help, maybe I'm just not meant to be helped...
You're not allowed to be friends outside of the group? That's a bit ****...
I personally found mood stablisers/anti psychotics really helpfu, maybe you could talk about going on them to your gp? It might actually be more appropriate than anti d's
Agreed! Apparently though it's for our own protection and others protection. =l Pathetic rule imo.
I'll see what dr says tomorrow. Had a major episode earlier where I couldn't control myself and burst into tears and was even planning parts of my funeral with how suicidal I felt. I'm trying so hard to hang on but I just feel unable to anymore. Everything feels pointless...
Thankyou for your reply. I'm sorry I'm so low today.
Agreed! Apparently though it's for our own protection and others protection. =l Pathetic rule imo.
I'll see what dr says tomorrow. Had a major episode earlier where I couldn't control myself and burst into tears and was even planning parts of my funeral with how suicidal I felt. I'm trying so hard to hang on but I just feel unable to anymore. Everything feels pointless...
Thankyou for your reply. I'm sorry I'm so low today.
Eeek, yeah you should talk to your doctor about it. That isn't good. When I was on citalopram it made me feel worse, I wasn't even on it for that long. I was changed to a different medication straight away.
I hope they find the right medication for you soon.
"Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes." - W. Gibson.
Thank you Jo, I'm going today at 4:30pm. I'm trying to not be alone so I won't be at more risk of doing something stupid, so I'm trying to be pro active. Thank you for your reply, too. x
I'm now on Venlafaxine. May I ask for others experiences for that now? Haha. So many med changes constantly it's really annoying, it probably is for you guys too asking questions all the time, I'm sorry.
I've started on 37.5mg twice a day(morning and evening) said if it causes sleep disturbances(more so lol) then to take two in the morning instead of at evening times.
Anti psychotics and mood stablizers are an option but I have to discuss that with my psychiatrist next week as my GP can't prescribe those types of medications and he said he'd be happy to prescribe them but only if my psychiatrist says to(I don't really like him, he also said he doesn't "believe in medication") but my GP said it is an option so I'll talk to him about it still and discuss with him with how I'm struggling badly.
My GP also said I should go to hospital to get stitches for my cut, but I've tried to close it together and it seems stuck... the sides won't go together and the sides and around the area are raised, the sides just won't touch each other, seems too late to do anything, he said it'd be a massive scar... but it's not infected my GP said and I've been told to keep it covered.
Even though it's really deep/gaping ... I still want to cut over it more and more and damn ****ing more.I want to bleed to death. I want to hit the bone beneath. I want to make it as wide, deep, long as possible. It's not right. It doesn't feel enough or feel good enough or "right".
It's never enough dammit.
Never enough.
Thankyou all so much for your constant replies.
xx
