Sorry for posting so often lately! Back-to-school is kicking my butt.
So, I totally achieved my goal when I went to my counselor today, in that I acted completely and totally sane and succeeded in not having to go anymore, at least not for a couple of months.
The problem is, of course, that I was completely lying when I said I was okay. I've randomly felt like crying more times than I'm inclined to count just this week, I've thought about SI-ing more than I want to admit this month, and last night I nearly cut for the first time in almost 3 months.
My friend who knows the most about how bad things have been says I should still be getting some kind of counseling or something, but... I absolutely abhorr that place. I don't like the counselor, for reasons I don't want to get into because I'll end up sounding really mean. And I'm uncomfortable enough going there that I don't want to ask what my other options are, because really I'd rather deal with it myself than go through yet another new office. (For the record: Dr. Graves is the only counselor I've ever had, but I've had to talk to other people at the same office for testing, etc, and I think I basically dislike everyone there XP.)
Don't really know what kind of advice I'm looking for, but anything would be insanely appreciated. I honestly think I'd rather just keep lying to my parents and deal with this by myself, but somehow I don't see that working out in the long run XP
I'm not surprised that you'd want to get out of therapy with a person you don't like. But lying about how you're feeling (even to a therapist you hate) definitely isn't going to help you, is there someone else there/elsewhere that you can see?
How long were you seeing this counselor? I just started seeing one in my college's counseling center and I'm not totally sure it's going to work out with him, he really just likes to talk and talk and talk and talk, and I just zone out and nod my head every once in a while.
See if you can get at least another counselor, if not another office. Good luck.
Everyone's crazy; some people just hide it better. I am not one of those people.
I've been seeing her on and off since last winter, but I basically lie every time I'm there. ^^; I tried to tell my parents at first that I didn't feel like it was helping me, but nothing changed, and then I went away for the summer, so now it's just back to how it was before. And I don't want to bring it up again because they still think I'm perfectly okay and I cause enough trouble already without having to find a whole new office.
Well, tell your therapist how you're feeling. Even just writing it down and letting her read it. You have to want to be helped, even just a little bit. What happened with this office anyway? It doesn't sound very nice, but could it just be the way that you're experiencing things? I know when I get "down" I start seeing things as meaner then they really are (presumably), and start being a real asshole to everyone around me.
Everyone's crazy; some people just hide it better. I am not one of those people.
There's probably nothing particularly bad about the office, I just didn't like the idea of going from the start, and amused myself while waiting by writing mean things about it in my notebook. ^^; Gotta love a bad first impression. The people there are nice enough, just not people I feel like spilling my problems to, you know? I don't have to go back until November anyway, but if things are still bad then I guess it'd probably be best to just be honest...
I'm really biased in this regard(as im going to be a psych), so please dont think too bad of me. But if you arent telling the truth, why bother going? Its not helping, and you are wasting your time as well as theirs. But you are probably right, if you arent coping very well, you do need to speak with someone. However, it can take several goes to find a counselor that you connect with. And that cannot happen unless you want to be helped. A lot of people turn up to a session, expecting that this person can make it all alright. But personal relationships with the counselor, your willingness and readiness to change and many other things effect how well it works.
My advice? You can try to do it on your own. But you sound like you may need someone to help with the harder parts. Change counselor, even the service/place you use, find someone you like. And dont lie. Because you arent helping yourself, and in essence, you are taking up a session someone else who wants to talk could have. I think you know all this. I hope things get better for you. Take care.
~He accepts that ambiguity and compromise are a part of life, but he doesn’t necessarily like it. It’s not his way to dwell in gray areas, not to try and resolve complex situations. And yet, if he’s really honest with himself, this time he doesn’t care. He surrenders to what he wants, not what he must. ~
