Finally getting help.

Perplexity · 08-09-2011, 12:42 PM

I'm not sure where to start with this but I just wanted some advice I guess

I starting self harming around 10 years ago now, maybe a little less. Then a year after I started self harming I started to drink heavily and take drugs. I carried on like it for around 7 years, until I met my current partner 3 years ago.

Within the space of a month I stopped self harming, taking drugs and smoking with out actually dealing with all the problems that had caused the behaviour - until this weekend. I won't go in to it too much but everything well and truly bit me on the bum. My boyfriend split up with me because he can't deal with my huge mood swings any more and my non existent self esteem.

For years all I have ever done is run from my problems. From my Uncle and Grandad passing away to having a cancer scare last year - I haven't faced any of it. I made the decision this weekend to finally see my GP about getting some help, I got a letter yesterday saying I will have a phone assessment on Monday then things will go from there.

Straight away my barriers have gone up. I want to play things down and pretend things aren't as bad as they really are, I want to push things away again and act okay. Has any one else had the same problems? I'm completely lost as to what to do any more and was just hoping for some advice.

Sorry I've rambled and this might be totally pointless.

Charlotte xx

crazykat · 08-09-2011, 12:47 PM

I too find myself putting up barriers too, which can be a real problem. I find writing out what I need to say and then giving it to the person can be really helpful, even sending them a letter in advance. Good luck, you can do this. Take care
Kat xxx

Perplexity · 08-09-2011, 01:04 PM

Thank you Kat xx
I was thinking of writing things down as it will be easier for me.

My moods change so much from day to do day that if I feel fine on Monday when they call me I'm worried I'll be a stubborn mare and refuse to admit anything is wrong.

I'm my own worst enemy.

bitomato · 08-09-2011, 11:35 PM

Hi,
I think that it is very easy to think that you are overreacting. But if you are unhappy with issues in your life and no longer have the support your partner would have offered then do not deny yourself the right to get help. Drugs, alcohol and self-harm have addiction roots and it will probably take a while to identify the things that trigger you etc. I agree that by writing down the things that you are experiencing and the significant traumatic incidences re: family and health that you have gone through will give the doctor a baseline for what you are dealing with.

There are sometimes mood charts that you can note your mood and maybe the event that directly preceeded it.

The first important step to change is admitting you need help- so you've made it already. Many of us have gone through it and come out the other side. You aren't alone.

Perplexity · 12-09-2011, 12:43 PM

I have my assessment in just under 2 hours and I'm really nervous. I'm going to be 100% honest and tell them everything that has been happening.

Thanks for the replies x

bitomato · 13-09-2011, 08:24 PM

I hope that everything went okay with your assessment. Please keep us updated. You are important to us.

Perplexity · 13-09-2011, 11:42 PM

Thank you so much :)

I was completely honest, cried a lot and got everything out that I needed to. I'm on a waiting list for CBT so hopefully that will start in the next 4 - 6 weeks, they said I have severe anxiety which makes sense. I feel so much better for doing it and really hope things get better now xxx

bitomato · 15-09-2011, 12:52 AM

Very proud of you. Maybe start keeping a journal in the meanwhile to note your change of moods or situations that are anxiety causing.