I'm so suicidal and I just want to grab the nearest sharp object and cut. I just need to feel the pain to punish myself for being such a failure at everything. But I need to go further and just end things (this whiny babble is my point exactly: I am an unnecessary burden to those around me). I'm so, so faulty, from every disorder I have, physical and mental, to every action I make that's imperfect.
And nobody's here to stop me, so why not just go ahead and go through with one of the five separate, solid plans, I have? Why am I too afraid to spare everyone else? The way I figure, people will mourn a few months over my death, but they'll be suffering for as long as I'm alive if I don't do anything.
Everything that's supposed to calm you down-- that people are there and care for you and therefore you shouldn't commit suicide--- all of it is wasted on me, it just makes me feel MORE disgusting and guilty and like a scarlet red stain in the middle of a perfect white lace tablecloth.
i dont mean to sound horrible or anything but if you do commit suicide that would be like saying i have had a hard life but i dont have the strength to carry on and turn your life around to a postive instead of a negitive.
do you have any family or friends that you could talk to about how you feel?
*hugs*
no matter what happens there will always be someone who would miss you if you died
live is for living not worrying
if life gives you lemons make lemonade
life is sometimes stormy but to get though the storms you have to learn to dance in the rain
depressed? earphones in, music loud, and just forget about the world
Please take a moment to reconsider your plans. If you go through with them, there will never be any hope of things getting better. No matter how dark of a place you are in now, there is light somewhere at the end of that tunnel, and you deserve to see it. You've lasted this long, don't you want to wait and be able to see what relief from pain feels like, here on earth? Because honestly, if you're dead, you may not feel pain, but you certainly won't feel relief either - you won't feel anything. You won't be.
I'm sure people would mourn far more than a couple months if you died, they'd likely be mourning in some form or another for the rest of their lives. We all have at least someone who cares about it, but we often don't really realize how much they truly care. I promise you that if you died, you would seriously be hurting the people around you, and you already said you feel like a burden to people. A real burden would be the grief of your death. No matter how much of a burden you may think you are now, I know that those who care about you would much rather you be a living one than a dead one (although I highly doubt you're a burden at all...when we feel suicidal, we tend to think all these negative things about ourselves that aren't true).
Please, call 911 and get help before you do anything harmful to yourself. You deserve to see the sunshine again, and that can't happen if you end everything now.
*Thinking of you* <3
"It's not a dream anymore. It's worth fighting for."
"Well, if it's not real you can't hold it in your hands
You can't feel it with your heart
And I won't believe it.
But if it's true
You can see it with your eyes
Oh, even in the dark
And that's where I want to be, yeah" - Paramore
i'm pretty sure that if you let someone know what was going on, they would be there to stop you pretty quickly.
everyone is faulty. everyone struggles with things, has vices, whines at times.... right now you aren't whining. its ok to ask for support when you need it. there is no reason that you should have to struggle on your own, without the resources that you need. and right now, the emotional pain that you're in is plenty punishment enough for any of your "crimes"... presuming that they are real. because my bet is that this is probably a case of looking through a magnifying glass at just the negative things you may do and neglecting to see all the rest of the good things and qualities.
you would not be sparing everyone else. i can assure you of that. they would feel some sort of pain forever. anyways, all worthwhile relationships cause pain at times. it is impossible to have a close relationship with someone and to not cause them some pain, and for them to cause you some. the relationship is still worth it.
this is my magical medicine cabinet. Left to right they contain: courage, hope, calmness, and strength.
The magical part: They NEVER run out, so borrow some any time you want.
Hating yourself fuels the problem. It can SEEM like a virtue in that it signifies some opposition to a flaw, problem, habit etc but in reality its the ego getting all judgemental and that creates more guilt and conflict, that breeds more of a need for coping crutches etc. The fact you resent some issues shows they don't really reflect who your - however your resentment of these false things is what keep you glued to them. See, the problems, feel the hurt - but drop the resentment. Resentment is a hypnotic emotion.
