Tokophobia.

[weepingangel]

i've realised that i appear to be developing tokophobia [[fear of pregnancy and childbirth, also known as tocophobia, parturiphobia, maieusiophobia]] big time. i have no idea why i was thinking about this last night, i honestly can't remember, but ended up having a minor panic attack reading about it on wikipedia

[[ http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tokophobia ]]

The articles not that good but here ^^

But anyway, i think partly i'm so bothered by this because it has come about very suddenly for me. This is a really new for me. Until a couple of months ago i was completely fine with all this and i've just become increasingly distressed by this. My chest feels tight again just thinking about it.

i feel stupid because i have no reason to be worried about this. i am not, nor have ever been, sexually active and i don't plan to be until i am married which as i'm 19 should be quite some time in the future. Actually sex completely freaks me out too at the moment. Not thought about it til now but that's probably relevant as it's almost certainly linked.

A friend on an ED site says that it's likely linked in some way to my eating problems and all that kind of stuff. i have never been abused, sexually or otherwise.

In some ways i'm almost more freaked out by the fact that this is causing me such anxiety than i am that i feel this way about pregnancy and childbirth in the first place.

i know i said that it's not relevant, long time til i even think about having children but feeling like this is so devastating. i desperately want children. And lots of them. Always have done. And maybe i'll get over this. But i might not. In some ways it might be a good thing. i worry so much about passing on my mental health problems. To the extent that even before i felt like i do now i was strongly considering not having my own children. But again, it's devastating.

Sorry for writing so much. i'm just feeling so worked up about all this at the moment. i guess i just wonder if anyone can relate in anyway to any of this.

[Geranium2]

It sounds to me as though you are struggling and very anxious at the moment in general, and this has (temporarily) latched itself on to this specific fear.

You are not at a stage in your life where you have to make decisions about having children or not. You have no need to think about being sexually active either, if that's not what you want yet. Quite honestly you can't tell how you may feel about any of this stuff in 5 or 10 years time.

Maybe you need to work on learning some relaxation techniques/ways to de-stress, and on being able to eat healthily again? If you can do that this phobia may just evaporate.

I hope this doesn't sound like I'm not taking your distress seriously, I am, only I am wondering whether Tokophobia is really the core problem?

[weepingangel]

i think that you're probably right. At least partially.

i am struggling a lot at the moment. With depression mostly. But anxiety is also a problem for me. i go through phases with anxiety. A year ago i could hardly leave the house. And now i have this. Although this feels separate that doesn't mean it is. This feels like it has been creeping up on me for quite some time.

i know that it's not something i need to worry about at the moment. Although i also feel that maybe it's something that i should tackle now. i don't want this to get worse.

The whole having children thing is a four fold anxiety for me.
First there's conceiving a child [[i.e. sex]].
Then there's carrying the child inside me whilst i'm pregnant.
Then childbirth.
The having to actually bring up and look after a child.

All four of those things completely terrify me. i know it's ridiculous. But i could write for ages about why each of those things is so awful. Sorry i'm just going a little crazy.

i think that if things got better with my depression and my anxiety then yes this would probably get better too. But i can imagine those things getting better, i really can't imagine ever not feeling this way about this. It's consuming me. Maybe what's important isn't so much to stop being scared of this. It's to not let my anxiety descend into panic. When things get better with my eating and how i feel about my body that might help to.

i think that a lot of this does come from struggles with my body. Not all of it. Just some.

i don't know whether this really is the problem. i just know that it is a problem.

Thankyou for replying.

[roiben]

As it sounds like something that is affecting you quite significantly right now, I think it may be wise to look into this with a therapist, so that you can work through the anxiety you have at the moment.

I am not sure if you are under a care team with your depression and ED, but if not, now may be the time to look into it.

Roiben x

[weepingangel]

If i ever find a therapist who i can trust. Which hopefully will be some time in the near future. Then yes i will bring it up.

i am seeing people for both depression and ED. Problem is i'm supposed to be going to uni in 13 days and that messes things up big time. The lady i see at the moment for ED is totally lovely. The lady i see for depression is really really not. i could never talk about something like this with her. She'd tell me i was making it up anyway.

i've been feeling quite suicidal lately and these thoughts and anxieties are making me more so.