Hi, thanks for response, I really wasn't expecting any because I know this board is pretty quiet.
I'm having a rather unpleasant time with my dual diagnosis worker, it feels like he hates me and is always putting me down, even when I try really hard. He constantly goes on about "who do I think I am drinking on the tax payers money", and tells me he has no faith or trust in me. When I stop drinking, he tells me it wont last. I want to discharge myself and try go somewhere else to deal with what I have recognised the problem. I cant change workers because I cant handle any sort of confrontation with my current worker. He has already virtually threatened me and told me that i am not entitled to the money I get, even though at the time it was awarded I had the support of the whole EIPT behind me in the application. I told him about my SH and he basically implied I was melodramatic.
I have to stop drinking though, because people are assuming that my only issue is alcohol, no one has any respect for me and they make no secrete of even, particualrly the staff at the hostel I live in. I use alcohol to mask the other symptoms. When I did try and tell the hostel staff how I was feeling, following a incident of self harm, instead of just talking to me, they had me carted off by police and ambulance to be assessed. For mental health support workers, they are not very well trained or knowledgeable about mental health issues.
Your right, life without alcohol sounds pretty scarey, but the reality of my situation is that I have to face the underlying causes before I end up dead. For me, its not about just not drinking/smoking anymore, its about whether I can choose to live.
woah, i think i would be pretty upset if someone made a remark about me using tax payers money. I'm sure you would be working if you were able to! Could you perhaps ask him if there are any groups that are specifically for people struggling with alcohol? i know that near me they run a centre and have all sorts of activities and support.
Did the epit (i was working with them too, have been discharged and have a crap social worker) discharge you to the cmht? How old are you?
Why do you drink?
Hugs.
sticks and stones may break your bones but words can tear your heart out.
wow u need to get rid of this person, who on earth does he think he is, hes certainly in the wrong job.U dont have to confront him, but u could have a word with his boss, thats outrageous the way he is treating u. tc
thanks for the support people, I really was starting to buy into all the things my dual diagnosis social worker had been saying to me. Unfortunately, I need him, he is trying to make a referral to CMHT for me, my support worker at the hostel doesn't have the power to do that for me ( and shes on holiday anyway for 2 more weeks). The dual diagnosis worker has been pushing for months for me to go to residential rehab, and I have been making excuses not to, because if I deal with the mental health issues, i dont feel the need to drink and escape. I wanna go back to psychology first and see if that helps, and handle it though my gp.
However, I had rather unpleasant physical and mental withdrawl symptoms saturday night from abstaining from alcohol. I was suppose to spend the weekend with family to keep me safe, but ended up walking out in the middle of the night. Thankgod the buses were running later in the night because of the weekend, or i would have had to walk 2 hours home with my guitar, laptop and luggage. I'm lucky i didn't get mugged.
I'm stuck in a rut atm. Drinking is amplifying mental health issues and leading to a relapse, I'm pretty sure if I told psych at a n e, I would be sectioned. At the same time, I handle my emotions without alcohol alot less safely. I'm more impulsive when sober and in distress. When drinking, I normally just end up going to sleep.
I think I need to be IP, whether in rehab or psych ward. I just dont feel safe anymore.
PV: I was discharged from EIPT earlier this year. They really screwed me over, they promised they wouldn't dump me and I would have continued support, but then my cnp turned up one day and said, all referrals had fallen thorough, because managers who I had never even met had decided that I should go it alone for a while. That was the last time i saw my cpn. Now I just have the hostel staff to help me and there not particularly good at doing anything, other than taking long breaks in the garden. There more house wardens than support workers, my support worker is on holiday, and the one that is here hates me so shes completely unapproachable.
Sounds as if IP could be a good step - but could your GP refer you to the CMHT? If you're getting withdrawal symptoms if you try to stop drinking for a day then you shouldn't stop without professional support, it could be dangerous.
I'm assuming EIPT is the same team I was with....in which case it means 'early intervention in psychosis team'
Do you honestly, deep down inside, believe if you're mental health improved you would be able to stop drinking? I ask this because I often think similar, if i was busy, if i was feeling better, if i had more confidence etc i would drink less. But that doesn't seem to be the case, I will drink in a good and bad mood. When are the times that you drink?
Has your dual diagnosis worker told you about acamprosate? That was discussed with me at one stage when I was really struggling (I still am, just hiding it from people!) I think the residential rehab might be a positive thing. There would be groups and although it's centered around alcohol I'm sure other issues/feelings would be brought up and it might facilitate a really good change. Im sure the rehab place would know that not only do they have to help with the addiction/dependency but the underlying causes too.
Sorry but I think that is a disgusting way for them to finish treatment with you! When my first cpn left she gave me a months warning and this time (i've been transfered to the cmht) I had a 3 month gradual transfer. I understand what its like to have crap professionals working with you, my new one is utterly rubbish. I hope you can get a succesful referral to the cmht!
Why do you think you drink?
sticks and stones may break your bones but words can tear your heart out.
Tokoloshe: your right, IP would give me the opportunity to clear my head and have some reflection time while sober. In some respects Im a coward, because I am scared of what I might find out about myself, and I am terrified of what people would say about me if they found out I was in a rehab facility. I have a very gossipy and judgemental family, and if they found out, all of the neighbourhood would know. They have already bad mouthed and slandered me over having mental health issues ( even though some of them also have been under mental health teams). I would rather go IP on a psych ward.
I have not long been with my new doctor. As doctors go, she is the best i have ever had, she listens, is not judgemental and helps explore issues with me. She has suggested getting a psych again following a meds increase and because i was actually honest with her about what was going on. I am due for my fortnightly meds review shortly, so I am going to see if she can get the CMHT referral started. I have already been turned down by CMHT, because of cut backs i was told, so I really need someone to advocate on my behalf on the issue.
PV: I'm sorry you are struggling also, and hiding it. I dont mean to sound like a hypocrite or patronising but it really doesn't help. I have hidden so many issues in the past till things have got really unbearable and have escalated way out of control. Alcohol wise, I feel like I am a "secrete lemonade drinker", sometimes I think that hiding in my room, sipping away means no one knows what I am doing. I was pretty shocked when I discovered that the whole hostel knew I was a drinker (tenants and staff), because they saw me coming and going from the shops with alcohol, and because of my demeanour when I had been drinking.
I drink for several reasons, because I have no confidence or self esteem, because I have extreme self hatred- i hate looking in a mirror or seeing my reflection. I have trouble being around other people because I just feel so insignificant and pathetic compared to them, particularly people I grew up around, I avoid all social contact as much as possible. My mum had a couple of garden parties over the notting hill carnival, there were 20-25 people sitting out in the garden under the marque having a great time, I sat in the living room, alone watching tv because social contact is so uncomfortable for me. I used alcohol, to get me out in the garden and join in, and I still feel bad about getting a little drunk and the way I behaved( I do not get loud or aggressive, just talk alot more, and act more instinctively, and then over analyse everything afterwards, compulsively till I feel really bad and then have to hide for weeks till I can face people again).
I know that these are all excuses. That's why I really miss my old cpn, she would have given suggestions as to the things I am capable of and had confidence and respect for me, instead of having people constantly highlight the things that are wrong with me. I'm trying to find some kind of support in my life by reaching out to people and being honest, but since the team left me, specifically the psychologist i just haven't found anyone who can see any good in me anymore. I wonder if that is because there is no good left in me. I dunno.
Yes, having someone on your side makes a huge difference - not that my therapist just sits there agreeing with me, but I always leave feeling positive about myself and my ability to get through this
I've asked my dual diagnosis worker to get me into residential rehab. Am petrified that he might say no, and if he says yes, then have no idea what to expect when I get there.
I have to wait till Monday till I get to see him in person, and already he is telling me that he doubts I will turn up. Been such a mess is hard enough as it is without having to jump through hoops for him. I might have to go to A&E and talk to psych before then, because I am at rock bottom and am a danger to myself.
Sorry I haven't posted in alcoholism support thread, I feel such a hypocrite posting there, when I cant even contain my own thoughts. My behaviours have reached all time low, and alcohol is facilitating the process, but I cant stop punishing myself. I'm showing signs of liver damage, it just makes me want to drink more.
I am losing faith in rehab, I just want to talk to my old psychologist, but because I have been discharged from the team, she wont acknowledge me anymore probably.
Why is it hypocritical to post in Alc Support Thread? None of us are any 'better' than you, we're all struggling with the same thing. From my point of view (and I'm one of the posters) you're very welcome to join in, and I'm sure the others would say the same. It would make the thread move faster apart from anything else ;)
Get rid of people who make such negative comments - they are not going to help. The positive way would be (if you do miss appointments) to discuss with you why that is, not have digs at you. If you are a danger to yourself then yes, go to A&E and see a psych.
I know it is hard to believe, but you don't deserve to be punished, by yourself or anyone else.
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