Contains sexual abuse - Is this normal?

Hotaru_emi · 02-09-2011, 05:08 AM

I think I was raped a while ago, but more than once. I don't have much evidence, and my mother denies it, but I've recently become quite sure that my memories really happened. Does that ever happen? Or am I turning a recurring nightmare into something it's not?

Assuming it's true, should I feel this angry? And sad? If it is true, it would have been 15 to 17 years ago, so shouldn't I have healed by now? Does that even happen? Right now I have only three people in my life I've told about it, but only one believes me. One denies and the other says I can never know, so let it go. How can I at least start dealing with this? Please help

Horizon · 02-09-2011, 05:15 AM

What has made you think you were raped? Are the nightmares you mention actual nightmares during your sleep? If so, dreams can represent many different things.
It's really hard to say whether something happened or not.

Hotaru_emi · 02-09-2011, 05:25 AM

It's both a memory but also I dream I wake up from sometimes. It's always in the house I lived in between ages 3 and 5 , and it's always the same man... doing things... To me. But I don't know who he is.

In elementary shool, I was placed with a therapist because I had...troubling sexual behaviors, I think the report said. They asked me a lot of questions I didn't understand, and was eventually pulled out of school by my parents until the behavior stopped. That wasn't until high school. I was pulled out in second grade.

My mother denies it, but it still bothers me at least once a week.

troubleshooter · 02-09-2011, 06:03 AM

It sure sounds like repressed memories coming back. They often come back in dreams or random flashes. If you were seeing a therapist for sexually acting out at the young age, it's very very likely you were abused. I would suggest seeing a therapist now to deal with this. Also... do'nt bring it up with your mom more if she keeps denying it. She will probably just make you feel uncomfortable and crazy. You need help and support now, not doubt. *hugs*

Hotaru_emi · 02-09-2011, 06:09 AM

I hardly talk to her to begin with, so that shouldn't be so hard, but I dont even know if this is something I should take to therapy. I'm never going to know if it really happened, and I don't know what therapy would do. Every therapist I've seen just wants to talk about what i'm going to do in the future and stuff. Is that normal? I've only been to state stuff because I dont have insurance, so maybe that's why they never want to talk about that kind of thing?

troubleshooter · 02-09-2011, 07:52 AM

Actually there's a good way to know if it really happened--old school and mental health records may very well have abuse noted for you. Have you mentioned these memories to any therapists? If you have any they keep rushing you to the future...well, it might very well be because it's the state. Most govt mental health professionals are on a timeline. That sort of "help" is sometimes counterproductive. But at the same time a therapist doesn't want to open you up and need to terminate treatment right away. However if you have not mentioned the memories to any therapists, I would do so and see what happens. *hugs* You can also always ask us here for advice.

Hotaru_emi · 02-09-2011, 01:09 PM

I mentioned it in therapy to one of my therapists, and they toldme that if I remembry it, iy happened, but I want actual proof. How do I ask the school for my records?

troubleshooter · 03-09-2011, 04:32 AM

Well it *might* be on your records but there's no guarantee. I would try the board of education first. Also, a dr doing gyno exam should be able to tell you if you were hurt as a child or not. Honestly, that might be easier. *hugs*

Hotaru_emi · 03-09-2011, 01:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by troubleshooter

Also, a dr doing gyno exam should be able to tell you if you were hurt as a child or not. Honestly, that might be easier. *hugs*

How would a gyno know? I've been a few times and nothing was mentioned. Would I have to specifically ask?

troubleshooter · 03-09-2011, 06:42 PM

Well, a gyno would be able to tell if it was rape. If it was other forms of sexual abuse they might not. Usually there's scarring and other evidence left on the body.

Hotaru_emi · 03-09-2011, 07:17 PM

Is that something i'd have to ask about? I'm thinking of going I'm for a visit just for that...

troubleshooter · 03-09-2011, 07:29 PM

Yeah. You could probably ask the dr beforehand if you wanted, but it might help to do that.

Hotaru_emi · 03-09-2011, 08:34 PM

And if that turned up nothing, how would I ask the school board about it?

troubleshooter · 03-09-2011, 09:16 PM

I would jsut ask if you could access your records?