SERENITY is my RYL mum.
SOLO is my RYL auntie.
SEFKA is my RYL daughter.
DAYS GONE BYE is my RYL sister.
JEFFERSON.MERIWETHER is my RYL son.
OLINESS is my RYL son.
Please hang in there, dollpart! When you feel you can't go any lower, there's no place to go but up, right? It may seem like things will never get better, but if you keep holding on, I promise you that one day they will. I know what you mean about not enjoying things anymore. I'm losing passion for the one thing I always thought would be my career - art - and that terrifies me. So I understand that part. Please take care and let us know how we can help you.
thanks for coming online the other night, tiff. sorry i had to dash but i really did appreciate it.
Thanks for the reply silent_scars, sorry that you feel that way too.
I'm trying to get out and do things but every day it gets a bit harder. & it's got so that I don't even *know* how bad it is... Like I was shocked when my therapist wanted to call my psych. But I'm guessing it must be bad, he would never do that otherwise.
Blanknumbblank.
Meant to volunteer & cash up at the charity shop tomorrow. I used to like it. I can't think of any way I would less rather spend my day tomorrow.
Tempted to skip it and let everyone down and drink my afternoon away.
Sick of sticking a smile on.
I have been avoiding all activities that require more than a polite smile.
Hello again, it's so good to hear that you're making an effort to get out and do things. The fact that you're trying is really wonderful, it means you can eventually beat this thing!
I would highly recommend going to the charity shop tomorrow, even though I understand that doing so would not be easy. Maybe just tell yourself you'll stay there for an hour and see how it goes. If you really want to leave after an hour, then you can leave and feel proud of yourself that you went. If you feel okay after an hour, then maybe try to stay another hour. It's worth a try, and no matter how long or short you stay, I think you'd feel much better than if you didn't go at all. And hey, maybe I'll finally work on one of the art projects I can't bring myself to touch lately.
Please let us know how it goes
"It's not a dream anymore. It's worth fighting for."
"Well, if it's not real you can't hold it in your hands
You can't feel it with your heart
And I won't believe it.
But if it's true
You can see it with your eyes
Oh, even in the dark
And that's where I want to be, yeah" - Paramore
My eating (or difficulty with) is getting worse. I purged. It started a few days ago and I feel horrible about it. It has been so long.
But something has a grip on me and I can't slip out of my jacket to run from its hand. Eating upsets me. Carrots, low fat yoghurts, tangerines upset me. Today: 700cal. Feels far too much. I threw up breakfast.
Took my sister out yesterday for her birthday, it was nice. We saw a play called Audience and a few other things in the afternoon. There are still good hours.
Called in sick to Oxfam.I *never* do that; I try so hard not to let those people down.
I've been thinking through my plan again and it feels right. Stop disappearing slowly like this. Grab the chance and pull myself underneath it. I want to go before it gets better, before I forget that it will come back around and be bad again.
Hi dollpart, I'm sorry to hear things aren't going too well for you. I can understand how you feel bad about calling in sick, I'm like that too. I always always try to do what's expected of me, especially for other people, before taking care of myself. But we both deserve better than that, and I believe that you made a good decision by calling in. You're starting to take care of yourself, and that can be hard to do.
Thank you for your honesty about the eating. I was never in your shoes so I cannot totally relate, but there was a point where I was mentally counting calories my whole day, dictating what I could eat based on how hard I exercised that day. Please do not feel too terrible - you said yourself that it has been so long. That means you went a considerable amount of time without purging, and that is definitely something to be proud of. And so you did it once again. That's only one time for however long you went without it. It doesn't mean you failed. I wish I could offer specific help here, but I don't really know what turned around my eating mentality, eventually it just didn't bother me as much as it used to. A therapist (or others on RYL who've gone through more of a similar situation) could probably give you more concrete advice. Sorry.
I'm glad you still have good hours, and recognize that you have good hours. That really made me smile for you. And awww, how very sweet of you about the art. I didn't do any...yet. BUT I did go for some driving practice, which is something I always avoid, so better that than nothing I guess.
I'm sorry, maybe this is because I'm new here and haven't read any of your other posts before, but what do you mean by your "plan"? I truly hope it isn't anything harmful. Good situations always come and go, and I know it can be near impossible to try to enjoy them without worrying about the next bad thing that's going to happen. But people weren't meant to live life thinking like this, no offense of course, because I think like this too. However, it isn't healthy for us. We DON'T want you to go away; I can tell you're a strong and kind individual and you do have good moments ahead in the future. You won't get to see and experience these good moments if you don't stick around. (Please forgive me if I interpreted the end of your last post wrong, but I just don't want anything bad to happen to you.)
*Super Hugs!*
"It's not a dream anymore. It's worth fighting for."
"Well, if it's not real you can't hold it in your hands
You can't feel it with your heart
And I won't believe it.
But if it's true
You can see it with your eyes
Oh, even in the dark
And that's where I want to be, yeah" - Paramore
I hope you feel a little better today. I now have an image of the two women from League of Gentlemen who work in the charity shop in my head.
~Phoenix~ is my Little Sister of Awesomeness and Self-Delusion :P Bitter Angel is my Mitten Animad is my Top Trump All Im Living For - Is my beautiful and special daughter who isnt called Kim but will moan if i dont add her :P
~Phoenix~ is my Little Sister of Awesomeness and Self-Delusion :P Bitter Angel is my Mitten Animad is my Top Trump All Im Living For - Is my beautiful and special daughter who isnt called Kim but will moan if i dont add her :P
it wasn't helpful. especially as im already in counselling so going over non-drink-specific things just wasn't helpful.n at the moment it's a struggle i think drinking is kind of helping more than hurting at the moment.
2 day bender after quitting probably wasn't in my best interests though...
again i am really really sorry for not responding to lots of threads lately. it's not a lack of care or interest it's just hard enough to think at all.
Aww, never feel obligated to respond to posts if you're not in the mindset for it. Unless of course, you think it would be a good distraction technique.
I'm sorry to hear you're hurting now. If not on RYL, please at least reach out to someone who can help comfort you. It's bad enough that people like us have to suffer, but it's even worse for us to have to suffer alone.
If you can't find anyone, we at RYL will be here at least.
Please try to take care of yourself <3
"It's not a dream anymore. It's worth fighting for."
"Well, if it's not real you can't hold it in your hands
You can't feel it with your heart
And I won't believe it.
But if it's true
You can see it with your eyes
Oh, even in the dark
And that's where I want to be, yeah" - Paramore
Drinking is a tough one, and can compound matters. My own experience was that although I thought drinking was helping, it was just one more way of numbing myself, one more way of escaping, and it did me a lot of harm. It is obvious when I look back that I was never able to drink like a normal person - it took control of me. I couldn't quit until I was able to admit that I had a problem, admit that I was powerless over drinking and took a step back to look at what it was really doing to me and my life. Oddly enough it was easier to recognize and admit a drinking problem than one with self injury. And that is probably why self injury remains a problem for me.
You say that alcohol counseling wasn't doing you any good. Have you checked out any AA meetings? They can be helpful - if nothing else it will remind you that you aren't alone. Just a thought.
If you do want to talk about alcohol you can PM me anytime. I "GET" it - I really do.
Hang in there. You arent alone, and there are many others who have walked the same path that you do.
.gif "rose")
I know what you mean about not enjoying things anymore. I'm losing passion for the one thing I always thought would be my career - art - and that terrifies me. So I understand that part. Please take care and let us know how we can help you.
Good situations always come and go, and I know it can be near impossible to try to enjoy them without worrying about the next bad thing that's going to happen. But people weren't meant to live life thinking like this, no offense of course, because I think like this too. However, it isn't healthy for us. We DON'T want you to go away; I can tell you're a strong and kind individual and you do have good moments ahead in the future. You won't get to see and experience these good moments if you don't stick around. (Please forgive me if I interpreted the end of your last post wrong, but I just don't want anything bad to happen to you.)
