Hi,
I wasn't active on RYL for the past 3 weeks, because I was volunteering at a summer camp.
Today I'm going back home and on Wednesday I'm going inpatient.
I'm scared and panicked.
I'm crying almost all the time, because I did not want this. I did not want to become like this, I'm a burden on the other volunteers.
I hyperventilated twice in the last 4 days. Probably, because I'm panicking about going IP.
I don't know what I'm asking for here... hugs maybe? Any ideas how I can calm myself down a bit?
You survived the abuse.
You're gonna survive the recovery.
*hugs Laura* I know its scary going IP, but hopefully they can provide you with the help and support you need.
Try breathing slowly and counting while breathing, like in for 4 out for 4. keep yourself distracted, that can help when your anxious
"Never be a spectator of unfairness or studpidity. The grave will supply plenty of time for silence." Christopher Hitchens
'When words fail, music speaks'
I am transsexual and homoromantic and proud to be.
*pats* Honey, if you can really commit to the help and stuff when you're ip, it will help so much! It is scary but it's not like you're choosing to be unwell cause you have nothing better to do. It's happened and ip will help you be safe and get back on track. Summer camps happen every year and there are also other camps too! So maybe when you're feeling stronger and more stable you can volunteer again. It will be okay :)
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
Lots of hugs and good luck in there. it wont be as bad as you think and the more you help the better it will be. xxx
~Phoenix~ is my Little Sister of Awesomeness and Self-Delusion :P Bitter Angel is my Mitten Animad is my Top Trump All Im Living For - Is my beautiful and special daughter who isnt called Kim but will moan if i dont add her :P
"He said look inside your heart/ And you'll see stars/ Falling stars/ Look, deep into my eyes/ Don't look down/ Or you'll fall, he said/ Here, the sky goes on forever"
So... they called this morning and told me that they are full. I have to wait till Tuesday next week.
Don't know how to cope though.
I don't have any plans for this week except being self destructive.
I keep thinking that I should use the time and do as much damage as I can while I can.
You survived the abuse.
You're gonna survive the recovery.
Im sorry theyve delayed your admission. Could you use this time to get together bits and pieces to take in with you..things to keep you occupied during quiet times. Use this time to think of what youd like to get from this admission. I really hope being in hospital helps you and you get the help and support you need xxx
I don't know what I'm allowed there. I chose 3 books, dunno what else I could take with me. They have a swimming pool that I can use, so I'm going to take my swimming suit even though I hate swimming. I've been kind of satisfied with sitting and staring lately.
I want to kept safe I guess. I'll hate them for keeping me safe, but I think I need to be kept safe.
I'm worried that I start to hyperventilate again.
You survived the abuse.
You're gonna survive the recovery.
I'm sorry the admission has had to be delayed hun, have they given you any support to access in the meantime until you can be admitted? Perhaps have a look at the distractions list in fun & distractions for some ideas to help keep your mind off things. Hold in there hun, you will get through this
"Recovery is something that you have to work
on every single day and it's
something that doesn't
get a day off."
My therapist is on holiday till September. I haven't seen her in the last 3 weeks, because I was volunteering at a summer camp and now she's on vacation. Only person I can talk to is my GP. She's a psychotherapist, too so she'll understand I guess.
You survived the abuse.
You're gonna survive the recovery.
hmm... I went to my GP today and as usually I failed at talking.
I told her that I have to wait till Tuesday and when she asked me if I wanted anything I told her 'no'. I was outside again after 2 minutes. That was a really pointless trip to my GP. ****!
You survived the abuse.
You're gonna survive the recovery.
when i feel like i'm not going to be able to talk to my gp/therapist i write down what i need to say and just give that to them. Maybe do that and try again'
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
It's too late. My GP is not there in the afternoon and the weekend. I'm going IP Tuesday so there is no point in going ot my gp on Monday.
I'm trying to keep myself occupied, but I can't motivate myself to do anything. I want to give up, I'm done with myself. What's the point of fighting anyway? Can't I be happily unhappy for the rest of my life? What if I actually like to feel miserable?
You survived the abuse.
You're gonna survive the recovery.
That is not true. If you liked being miserable you'd probably not be on here, you would have been pleased not to enjoy riding your horse, etc etc... that could be a very long list. The point it that there is a point and it does get better. *hugs*
I was lei'd in vets! ***** Proud Plumeria Sister!
"He said look inside your heart/ And you'll see stars/ Falling stars/ Look, deep into my eyes/ Don't look down/ Or you'll fall, he said/ Here, the sky goes on forever"
