Ok... i was abused by a public figure that works with numerous people and still is. I disclosed the title of their job two weeks ago, they said if i said anything and it was this person theyd have to report it as they have access to other people and they could be at risk. It made me incredibly unstable, i seriously considered suicide for the first time in months and despite medication i could not sleep for two days and was hyper anxious and very illogical until i knew they hadnt obviously reported it. I made note to talk to my art therapist today about my rights and confidentiality with this topic. Long story short.. as long as they suspect this person (i havent given a name just the job) theyd have to report anything i say and obviously if i provided more information. Which i wont. I merely asked the other week and they went straight to reporting the information i literally only mentioned job. I tried mentioning every way of talking but not including identity or anything but she said theyd have to report it because other people are at risk anyway. But why is it with just this Job? When i said it was a boyfriend and his buddies they never did a thing, but those people are a risk to the community too but ofcourse some poor innocent woman or man would be attacked rather than children in their eyes so doesnt need reportng to them with all the things i talked about before they didnt do anything but all of a sudden because i express concern over this they threaten me immediately when i didnt give any detail it was ignored where does this leave any victims of abuse and rape? I mean it all comes down to their job whether its bad enough to report? Ive known people being domestically abused by same sort of people and no-one does anything. But just because of their job im not allowed to talk at all about it at all. How does that work...in what way does that benefit anyone.
The police or social services wouldnt believe me anyway it would be laughed out and id be belittled and judged again I would not co-operate with them theyd have to find other evidence. I cannot cope with this again. It would be very detrimental to my health, my well being and id close down from services, id discharge myself no joke and its not manipulating, if this happened i would not be able to talk to them anyway due to distrust so thered be no point me being with them. It would send me into a complete downfall.
So basically im not allowed to talk about the abuse, not in therapy not to anyone else without being reported and im not allowed to even be very unspecific. She said itd be the same anywhere i go even if i went private. Basically im saying, where do i stand with this? What good is this? It is a complete barrier in my treatment, i cant talk in therapy about the reason i need therapy. It would put me at risk doing this and its not benneficial on me forcing me to be silent with the constant threat of being reported.
Basically im just asking where are my rights in all this... my right to talk in confidence and be safe in myself... I didnt know where to go so i came here. I may elaborate more when i come back. I hope it made sense. Im just confused. I dont see how the system can be helpful working like this.
Last edited by insidemyhead : 17-08-2011 at 12:26 AM.
“There is no sun without shadow, and it is essential to know the night.”
If it is a position where they have access to children/vulnerable adults, then they would have to report it as they have a duty of care.
I guess if you aren't ready and want to talk about it and can get a different therapist you could talk about what happened, but not say who did it or make that part up.
I think the key thing to remember here, is that they are not reporting you, they are reporting a very strong concern about a person who has a position of authority over other people, including potentially children.
You have done nothing wrong, and they are not saying you have - What they are saying is that because of the authority figure nature of the person you are making statement against, they feel the need to take the report higher so that they can potentially stop anyone else being hurt.
It is lot harder to do this with someone who at time of report has less position of authority, e.g saying 'my boyfriend' could mean anything, and they would need to wait on it unless something like 'my boyfriend, who is an infant school teacher' is said.
I know it is hard, but is it not better to be honest with them, and help prevent anyone else getting hurt? They are not saying you cannot say anything, what they are saying is that they made need to include some of it in a report against the person.
Roiben x
If the Human brain were so simple that we could understand it, we would be so simple that we wouldn't.
But I'm not ready to report anything I've tried before and they didn't believe me and when I first saw the police they just saw no reason to investigate. I can't see them again they won't believe me they'd just be cruel like the last time it'd probably be the same social worker who was horrible... They wouldnt believe me it would just be a joke and make me have a crisis of my existence once more. I can't face that man again I can't. I can't do it I really really can't both of those services let me down and I will not waste my trust on them again. But what I'm saying when I said it was my boyfriend he was a risk to the public, to children and vulnerable people but they didn't feel the need to report that. They don't force other victims of rape to report it to the police so why am I being put in a position I can't cope with!? I'm not allowed my right to talk about it at all because of it all. This was also 3 years ago can't I talk now. I know they have a priority of care but where does my care come into the picture? I know that sounds selfish but it's true... I'm not stable enough for a police report anymore due to the last two times I tried and they were truly aweful I can't face those services again atleast not in my county. I wouldn't cope with the breach seriously I'm not kidding last time nearly killed me im unstable enough right now and I just wouldn't deal with it. I know what id do I'm not manipulating just stating truth. Also my right to talk... Without
this threat it must exist?? If im honest this man I doubt is a threat to anyone else due to my personal experience of his personality It wasn't statutory rape I was old enough. It was more domestic violence than that othe specific abuse of children. The police in our community don't think much wrong with domestic violence they don't do a lot at all...
I don't know i know why they have to report this I just don't see why my rights are allowed to be completely ignored like this I mean it will be of no benefit to myself I do not want to report it as a form of protection and I mentally and physically am not well enough to cope with it, in fact it would be endangering me. So does this just not matter? I would not trust anyone again if this happened once more I would withdraw from and not return to community services. I'm not joking I would not be able to cope with this happening again and I'm not being dramatical just very honest... I'm seriously at a loss
“There is no sun without shadow, and it is essential to know the night.”
just think how angry you'd be if you found out the same had happened to another person before you and the right people weren't informed and they were allowed to do it to you.
just think of all the positive you'd be doing by reporting it - i don't mean to patronise or pressure, but honestly, it was one of the best things i ever did to report the people who ****ed me up.
yeah, it's hard. but it pays and now they can't hurt anyone else.
"If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary-wise; what it is it wouldn't be, and what it wouldn't be, it would. You see?" - Alice, Alice in Wonderland
♥
I know but I seriously wouldn't be believed seriously they've labelled me a liar because I denied truth and the police didn't do a thing when I told them the first time (I've spoken to them twice one police two social both forced) why would they believe me this time? I tried reporting and they shoved it back in my face making me look a horrible person. They wouldn't brlieve my mum told me that and she works with them so she knows they wouldn't. The negativity that came off them the time they saw me in hospital was powerful they were degrading judgemental and sarcastic to me, they snorted and laughed to eachother. It'd more than likely be the same people. If I lived out of county I'd report it but I can't whilst I live here. I wouldn't be believed nothing would be done! Id like to stop it but my scenario is such even if I did report it nothing would happen and I know I'm a horrid person for doing so and being so selfish. Sorry. I need to be able to Talk through the memories and things to be certain it was this person before reporting it and I'm being denied this chance... Because my psychosis and professionals caused me a lot of confusion as my abuse entered my delusions before but I know now those weren't real. As for professionals they've enforced their opinions making me cOnfused as well. I just need to talk these things through and be certain before reporting but I'm not allowed to do this. I hope you understand that, I need to talk through the things that make me believe it was him but Ive been told I can't. J thought that's what therapy is for but they've just gone straight to it. Don't I have a chance first? Basically they're saying I can't talk about it they've shut me down but its what I'm in therapy for. It's just confusing
For me because I can't talk to anyone else about it... So I can't be 100% it
was him this is what i need to talk through that I haven't talked through before I've always avoided it and now Im ready to I've hit a brick wall. This is what i find difficult. I hope it makes sense.
“There is no sun without shadow, and it is essential to know the night.”
I think explaining this to your care team is the only thing you can do. If they want to report it so much, they need to support you through the process. However, they should not be jeopardising the support you need in the mean time.
Let them know about your experience of trying to report it and let them know that although you do need help, and would appreciate their help for you, you are not strong enough right now to cope with reporting right now. It may be that this is an option further down the line, but not right now.
Roiben x
If the Human brain were so simple that we could understand it, we would be so simple that we wouldn't.
hey,
im in a very similar situation to you,down to the either "disclose" or "learn to deal with it" type thing thats been said.
part of their problem is that youre covered by "safeguarding" (children and vulnerable adults),and even though you dont think the person who's done stuff to you would go on to do it to someone else,they still could.which is why whatever detail you gave,would have to be passed on,so that the regional safeguarding team could then make a decision about if to take it further.If it IS deemed to meet safeguarding rules/regs then from what ive read about it,you dont have to consent to take things further(its a complicated thing,but if you google safeguarding vulnerable adults,it'll let you know what happens/explains better than me).
I dont think it's right you cant talk about it,but im also looking at it from "the other side" too(hence im still on the fence about what to do,report and probably have me life turn to more *****,or not and eventually have the same happen anyway).
unfortunately you arent covered by confidentiality on this,which is the reason theyre saying you cant talk about it(though as someone suggested you could chnage the persons name,but i have a feeling it would still be passed on).
i honestly dont know what to suggest.
for me at this present moment,im literally dying to tell someone,its killing me not to,BUT the result of that.....could lose my job,friends,but like you think- not be believed...im slowly trying to talk myself round to telling somone,not just for me,but i'd hate to think i never said anything and someone else got hurt...tough decision though.
apparently whoever you tell can take it further,have you thought about possibly talking to someone from an abuse charity,or the samaritans-im trying to say someone who's never met you so you can omit the details that would need passing on.its all i can think of if you really want to talk about it,without any of the other stuff happeneing.
